


group chat: nct nightmare

by ordin_yeri



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AKA the NCT Dream group chat fic absolutely no one asked for, Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Mentioned SM Rookies, Mentioned SM Town Artists, Rare Appearances by other NCT Members, Suggestive humor, TW for death jokes prior to Chapter 31, Teenagers Acting Like Teenagers, chat fic, group chat au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 63,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordin_yeri/pseuds/ordin_yeri
Summary: lele: omg do i smell dramajenojam: there's nothing quite like group chat drama to start the day





	1. Cereal thieves get EXPOSED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fake dream: RIGHT IF YOU’RE EXPOSING ME THEN I’LL EXPOSE YOU GUYS TOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> old (mark)  
> nearly old (renjun)  
> jenojam (jeno)  
> nct's REAL visual king (donghyuck)  
> fake dream (jaemin)  
> lele (chenle)  
> sing sang jisung (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**sing sang jisung:** i need an adult

**old:** hi

**sing sang jisung:** i need a DIFFERENT adult

**old:** you’re adopted

**nct’s REAL visual king:** thank fuck

**nct’s REAL visual king:** i’d be more worried if you announced you’d actually given birth to us tbh

**lele:** i second that

**old:** can i get some respect here?

**nearly old:** you’re ok i guess

**jenojam:** at least you don’t nag us like the other hyungs

**old:** thanks you two

**old:** you’re my real kids

**fake dream:** wow and you don’t even wait for my opinion

**fake dream:** rude

**sing sang jisung:** no one cares

**old:** the floor is yours nana

**fake dream:** i agree with jeno

**nearly old:** what’s new

**fake dream:** shut up

**old:** anyway!!!

**nct’s REAL visual king:** anyway when are nana and jeno gonna make out

**lele:** who says they haven’t already

**fake dream:** I’M RIGHT HERE

**sing sang jisung:** no you’re not

**old:** kids pls

**nearly old:** convenient how neither of them defended themselves

**jenojam:** we’re an old married couple lbr

**lele:** nomin confirmed 2k17

**fake dream:** JENO

**fake dream:** HOW WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO FIX THIS

**nct’s REAL visual king:** arguing like a married couple i see how it is

**fake dream:** RIGHT IF YOU’RE EXPOSING ME THEN I’LL EXPOSE YOU GUYS TOO

**nearly old:** i’m ready for this tea

**lele:** omg do i smell drama

**jenojam:** there's nothing quite like group chat drama to start the day

**fake dream:** exposure number 1

**fake dream:** isn’t it cute how hyuck is making fun of me and jeno when he has a folder of fansite pics of mark

**nct’s REAL visual king:** BI TCH

**sing sang jisung:** is this confirmed i need to see proof

**nct’s REAL visual king:** YOU DON’T HAVE EVIDENCE

**old:** idk if i’m flattered or creeped out

**fake dream:** _[image attached]_

**fake dream:** that is a screenshot from his phone that i sent to myself in case i needed blackmail material

**sing sang jisung:** busted

**lele:** scREAMING

**nearly old:** if you were screaming we’d all hear you dumbass

**jenojam:** i want to see mark hyung’s reaction to this tea

**jenojam:** and hyuck

**nearly old:** hang on i’ll get them to open the group chat

**sing sang jisung:** omg is that real screaming

**lele:** not me

**old:** i wasn’t purposefully avoiding reading the messages lol

**fake dream:** of course not

**old:** i’ve decided i’m 98% flattered and 2% concerned

**lele:** boo i wanted to see a fight

**nct’s REAL visual king:** I’M LEAVING NCT DREAM

**nearly old:** you’d still be in nct 127 with mark you idiot

**sing sang jisung:** unless he actually wants to be in the group with mark and is just ditching us

_sing sang jisung changed nct’s REAL visual king’s nickname to fakest dream_

**fakest dream:** you hoe

**fakest dream:** disrespecting _me,_ the coolest hyung

**jenojam:** don't lie to yourself :)

**fake dream:** anyway who wants me to expose someone else

**sing sang jisung:** me

**lele:** me

**fake dream:** by popular demand, time for more tea!!!

**old:** “by popular demand” aka two people

**fake dream:** it's still more people than you could get to eat your cooking

**old:** i

**fake dream:** ANYWAY

**fake dream:** remember how last week you assholes were whining about how the cereal kept disappearing

**old:** are you going to tell us who the cereal thief was

**fake dream:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

 

 

(screenshot of private chat - injunnie)

 

**injunnie:** i'm having a situation

**you:** spill the tea

**injunnie:** last night i couldn't sleep because of midnight cravings

**injunnie:** and i may have eaten all the cereal in the dorm

**you:** omg injun

**you:** this is amazing

**injunnie:** then in the morning the members were like “where is the cereal” and i couldn't admit it was me  >-<

**you:** this is pretty funny but i don't get why it matters? it's just some cereal

**injunnie:** last night wasn't the first time though

**injunnie:** no joke it's been every night this week

**injunnie:** they think there's a cereal thief

**you:** i’m laUGHING OMG

**injunnie:** HELP ME DON'T MOCK ME

**you:** i'll keep quiet dw

**injunnie:** thanks nana ilu

**you:** fake

 

* * *

 

 

(group chat - nct nightmare) 

 

**fake dream:** sorry for the delay i was collecting screenshots

**nearly old:** i take it back i don’t love you anymore

**sing sang jisung:** you ate my cereal how dare you

**fakest dream:** this tea isn’t nearly as bad as the shit you spilt on me :/

**nearly old:** i’m sorry guys

**old:** it’s ok renjun we still love you

**jenojam:** also can we talk about how in the screenshots renjun said he loved nana?

**jenojam:** i’m suing

**lele:** jealous much

**fakest dream:** who is the side hoe of who i’m confused

**sing sang jisung:** dw i understand their love triangle let me explain

**nearly old:** no

**sing sang jisung:** renjun is the side hoe after nana wasn’t there

**sing sang jisung:** jeno is a cheater omg

**jenojam:** fight me jisung

_fakest dream changed nearly old’s nickname to side hoe_

_fakest dream changed fake dream’s nickname to main hoe_

_fakest dream changed jenojam’s nickname to two-timer_

**two-timer:** hyuck i’m going to backhand you

**side hoe:** I’M NOT ANYONE’S SIDE HOE

**sing sang jisung:** lmao

**main hoe:** i’m offended

**old:** you’re always offended

**lele:** he ain’t wrong


	2. Green hair dye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> side hoe: learn mandarin yourself you lazy shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> old (mark)  
> side hoe (renjun)  
> two-timer (jeno)  
> fakest dream (donghyuck)  
> main hoe (jaemin)  
> lele (chenle)  
> sing sang jisung (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

**fakest dream:**  I AM GOING TO CHOKE WHOEVER PUT GREEN HAIR DYE IN MY SHAMPOO

**main hoe:** lol

**main hoe:**  whoever did that dm me omg

**sing sang jisung:**  tf who would trust you after you exposed your convo with renjun hyung about the cereal

**side hoe:**  wow jisung called me hyung

**lele:**  screenshot that shit for blackmail material

**old:**  don’t swear kids

**fakest dream:**  Y’ALL NEED TO STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT

**two-timer:** green hair isn't even that bad

**fakest dream:**  STFU YOU ONLY HAD  _SOME_  GREEN HAIR

**fakest dream:**  I AM RUINED

**side hoe:**  stop being such a drama queen

**fakest dream:**  WE HAVE SCHEDULES TOMORROW

**old:**  stylist noonas will fix it dw hyuck

**side hoe:**  also thx to the person for trusting me and telling me who they are

**main hoe:**  um what

**main hoe:**  why didn’t they trust me

**side hoe:**   _[image attached]_

* * *

 

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

**you:** why are you telling me lol

**(OMITTED):**  because nana is a snake (Snake )

**(OMITTED):**  it's because i trust you ofc

**you:** my other half (Beating Heart )

**(OMITTED):** don't exaggerate you're ok

* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

**main hoe:**  W O W

**two-timer:**  omg this drama

**fakest dream:**  renjun you know because i love you so deeply will you identify the culprit please

**old:**  that’s the fakest message ever sent in this group chat

**fakest dream:**  stfu mork i wasn’t talking to you

**sing sang jisung:** mork hyung

**lele:**  who’s going to change his nickname

**old:** i’ll disconnect the wifi if you do

**sing sang jisung:**  I’M SORRY HYUNG

**two-timer:**  then you couldn’t use the internet either smartass

**old:**  fuck you guys i’ll just go to the 127 dorm

**side hoe:**  “don’t swear kids” - mark lee, literally ten minutes ago

**main hoe:**   _[image attached]_

* * *

(screenshot of private chat - duck)

**duck:** team up with me so i can find out who wronged me

**you:**  what makes you think i give a shit lol

**duck:**  because you can expose them

**duck:**  you like exposing people

**you:** you're making me sound like a pervert tf hyuck

**duck:** pls i'm desperate

**you:** you're a loser

**duck:** but i’m  _your_  loser (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**you:** lbr you're actually mark's loser

* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

**lele:**  exposed

**fakest dream:**  I AM BEING DISRESPECTED BY EVERYONE WHAT THE FUCK

**two-timer:**  “lbr you’re actually mark’s loser”

**sing sang jisung:**  adding these screenshots to my blackmail folder thx nana

**main hoe:**  ilu2 jisungie

_ side hoe changed fakest dream’s nickname to mark’s loser _

**lele:** ilu renjun

**side hoe:**  that’s not what you said earlier

**mark’s loser:**  I HATE YOU ALL

**two-timer:**  renjun what does your last message mean lol

**side hoe:**  i said nothing

**old:**  hmm

**mark’s loser:**  in those screenshots renjun sent he got his love rejected…

**lele:**  fake

**two-timer:**  omg is this real

**mark’s loser:**  CHENLE DID YOU DO THIS TO ME

**lele:**  in my defence it wasn’t just my idea

**mark’s loser:**  small child tell me who else

**side hoe:**  he’s taller than you stfu

**old:**  oh shit i gotta go

**sing sang jisung:**  wait omg mark was involved?

**mark’s loser:**  I AM BETRAYED

**old:**  liSTEN

_ mark’s loser changed old’s nickname to TRAITOR _

**TRAITOR:**  hyuck don’t be like that

**TRAITOR:** i was unintentionally involved

**two-timer:**  i was enjoying the drama but then it got sad wtf fix it

**lele:**  mark hyung is right

**lele:**  i just asked him which bottle of shampoo was yours

**lele:**  the person who told me to do this isn’t even in this group chat lol

**mark’s loser:**  i forgive you mark

**mark’s loser:**  ok but who was the mastermind then

**side hoe:**  oh shit is it who i think it is

**lele:**  since you’re the only other person here who could’ve overheard the convo and understood

**lele:**  yes

**main hoe:**  i went to take a shower and you guys revealed the culprit while i was gone

**main hoe:**  fake friends

**TRAITOR:**  wait i figured out the mastermind

**mark’s loser:**  WHO

**TRAITOR:**  king of getting lines

**two-timer:**  lmao i got it

**mark’s loser:**  hey renjun

**side hoe:** what

**mark’s loser:**  tell sicheng he’s dead to me in chinese

**lele:**  what makes you think renjun would even tell him the right message in chinese lol

**side hoe:**  learn mandarin yourself you lazy shit

**TRAITOR:** someone change my nickname now we’ve established i’m innocent

_ main hoe changed TRAITOR’s nickname to change it yourself _

**change it yourself:**  i don’t know how

**sing sang jisung:**  old man

_ two-timer changed change it yourself’s nickname to dream daddy _

**main hoe:** YES JENO

**sing sang jisung:**  omg i choked

**dream daddy:** i quit

**lele:**  finally renjun can be our leader

**side hoe:**  and get disrespected as much as mark hyung? i think not

**main hoe:**  i vote that jeno changes all our names right this second

**two-timer:**  give me a sec to conjure some creative genius

_ two-timer changed side hoe’s nickname to cereal thief _

_ two-timer changed main hoe’s nickname to closet pervert _

**closet pervert:** I DON’T DESERVE THIS

**mark’s loser:**  you said yourself that your love for exposing us makes you sound like a pervert

_ two-timer changed lele’s nickname to king of pre-debut _

_ two-timer changed sing sang jisung’s nickname to maknae on TOP! _

**maknae on TOP!:**  accurate

**king of pre-debut:** i love my new name

**mark’s loser:**  you didn’t change mine

**two-timer:**  i wouldn’t dare change perfection

_ two-timer changed their own nickname to f(x) red light track 2 _

**dream daddy:** lol jeno

**king of pre-debut:**  explain

**closet pervert:**  it’s milk

**closet pervert:**  referring to the pre-debut milk commercial

**f(x) red light track 2:**  aka the making of a legend

**cereal thief:** don’t flatter yourself

**f(x) red light track 2:** and we all know what ingredient makes cereal better

**cereal thief:**  don’t

**dream daddy:**  cringes

**maknae on TOP!:**  jeno i don’t endorse how cringey you’re being

**closet pervert:**  i’m breaking up with you

**f(x) red light track 2:**  we weren’t dating in the first place???

**closet pervert:**  i’m future proofing

**king of pre-debut:**  this chat is a mess tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to use emojis in stories on here? I paste them in and they stay for the draft but as soon as I save the story, everything following the emoji disappears...
> 
> I just wanted to use a snake emoji >-<
> 
> (Edit: Sorted it, thanks fam)


	3. Desert island bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maknae on TOP!: you heard the man
> 
> maknae on TOP!: we can be super shady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> dream daddy (mark)  
> cereal thief (renjun)  
> f(x) red light track 2 (jeno)  
> mark's loser (donghyuck)  
> closet pervert (jaemin)  
> pre-debut king (chenle)  
> maknae on TOP! (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **dream daddy:** hey guys

 **dream daddy:** since we've just come back i think we should do some bonding exercises to make sure we still look friendly for the fans

 **maknae on TOP!:** why would the fans think we _weren’t_ friendly?

 **dream daddy:** idk i just wanted to do this

 **closet pervert:** it depends what you mean by “bonding exercises”

 **cereal thief:** if it’s anything weird i’ll tell taeyong hyung and he’ll kick your ass mark

 **dream daddy:** you can trust me!

 **mark’s loser:** not this shit again

 **pre-debut king:** ?

 **mark’s loser:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

 

(screenshot of group chat -  (Cherries )(Bomb ) hype!!!)

  


**mom ty:** anyway i think we should do some bonding exercises to make sure we're still close when we actually come back

**dons:** i already know you guys all suck

**jeffrey:** doyoung you especially suck

**jeffrey:** dick

**yu-chan:**  lmao

**you:** no one gives a shit about lovey dovey bonding exercises

**moon: @probably satan** pls don't swear

**overworked:** am i the only person who'd actually get involved in this?

**jhonny:** yes

 

* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**f(x) red light track 2:**  mark is recycling taeyong hyung’s dumb ideas?

**dream daddy:** guys

**cereal thief:**  you know what

**cereal thief:**  let’s do this

**f(x) red light track 2:**  well i’m in if renjun is

**mark’s loser:**  gay

**dream daddy:** any objectors? no? good

**mark’s loser:**  me

**dream daddy:** too late bitch

**dream daddy:**  anyway the bonding exercise is going to be us being completely honest about what we think about each other

**closet pervert:**  so hyuck doesn’t need to do anything then

**mark’s loser:**  nana ilu

**f(x) red light track 2:**  um???

**dream daddy:** GUYS

**dream daddy:**  i’m going to ask you guys a question and i want you to send me your honest answer on your private chat with me

**dream daddy:** then i’ll anonymously reveal each answer and hopefully we can all understand how others see us

**maknae on TOP!:**  can i be shady

**dream daddy:**  as long as you’re honest idgaf

**maknae on TOP!:** you heard the man

**maknae on TOP!:**  we can be super shady

**dream daddy:**  first question

**dream daddy:**  you’re stranded on a desert island and you don’t know when you’ll get rescued. which member would you like to have as company the most and why?

**mark’s loser:**  you know what i take back all my criticism

**mark’s loser:**  this is pretty cool

**dream daddy:**  send me all your answers!!

**dream daddy:**  thank you for participating everyone

**dream daddy:** the responses in no particular order

**dream daddy:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):** renjun!!!

**(OMITTED):** my best buddy (Glowing Star )

  


* * *

  


(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**mark’s idiot:**  can we guess who wrote them?

**dream daddy:** if you want

**dream daddy:**  then i’ll drop the next response

**mark’s idiot:**  i vote chenle

**cereal thief:**  aww i’m flattered

**cereal thief:**  is it you chenle?

**pre-debut king:**  mark am i allowed to answer

**dream daddy:**  go ahead

**pre-debut king:**  it was me

**cereal thief:**!!!

**closet pervert:**  cute

**maknae on TOP!:**  tf chenle

**maknae on TOP!:**  how dare you disregard me like this

**pre-debut king:**  lol

**dream daddy:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):** ummmm

**(OMITTED):** jisung seems like he'd be pretty capable

  


* * *

  


(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**maknae on TOP!:** wow one of you losers actually likes me?

**cereal thief:** mark did you answer your own question?

**dream daddy:** i’ll tell you guys my answer at the end

**dream daddy:**  believe me this ain’t me

**maknae on TOP!:**  rude

**maknae on TOP!:**  who wrote this!!!

**mark’s loser:**  who would even own up to wanting to spend an indefinite amount of time on a desert island with you

**dream daddy:**  this is supposed to bring us together

**dream daddy:**  don’t be a dick hyuck

**pre-debut king:**  i’m screenshotting that omg

**pre-debut king:**  proof of mark swearing and proof of mark calling out hyuck for being a dick?

**dream daddy:**  anyway it was nana

**f(x) red light track 2:**  you mean he didn’t choose  _me?_

**closet pervert:**  jisung is taller than you he could get coconuts off trees or something

**cereal thief:**  how tall do you think he is tf

**closet pervert:**  tol

**closet pervert:**  and you are the smol member of the group

**maknae on TOP!:**  lol

**cereal thief:**  i’m blocking you

**dream daddy:** _[image attached]_

* * *

  

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):**  i’d choose you (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**(OMITTED):** because you're the only smart person in this group

* * *

 

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**dream daddy:**  i love being respected

**mark’s loser:**  clearly they were being sarcastic

**mark’s loser:**  or you paid johnny to write that

**cereal thief:**  i wasn’t being sarcastic

**maknae on TOP!:**  who are you calling not smart

**cereal thief:**  every single one of you minus mark

**f(x) red light track 2:**  i am being disrespected by everyone

**cereal thief:**  you’d be my second choice chill

**mark’s loser:**  basically jeno is your rebound

**f(x) red light track 2:**  i thought you loved me

**pre-debut king:**  ARE YOU FORGETTING THAT I LITERALLY SAID HE WAS MY BEST BUDDY AND HE REJECTED ME?

**dream daddy:** i feel like i’m breaking up so many couples here lol

**cereal thief:**  as if i’d date any of you idiots

**cereal thief:**  cereal is my only love

**dream daddy:** _[image attached]_

  


* * *

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):** i choose chenle

**(OMITTED):** because maybe he'd be chill about me calling him hyung unlike you losers

  


* * *

  


(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**closet pervert:**  jisung

**closet pervert:**  next

**pre-debut king:**  ofc i’d be chill

**pre-debut king:**  you don’t have to call me hyung unless you want to

**dream daddy:** _[image attached]_

  


* * *

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):** renjun because everyone else will just bitch and moan

  


* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**cereal thief:**  really feeling the love today ^^

**f(x) red light track 2:** i take back my love since you dropped me

**cereal thief:**  ilu jeno

**closet pervert:**  jeno wtf

**f(x) red light track 2:** you literally decided to break up with me even though we’ve never dated just because i made a bad joke

**maknae on TOP!:**  tbh you deserved it

**maknae on TOP!:** it was a super bad joke

**dream daddy:**   _[image attached]_

  


* * *

(screenshot of private chat -  **OMITTED** )

  


**(OMITTED):** you of course (Beating Heart )

**(OMITTED):** i'd drive you mad though lol

  


* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**pre-debut king:**  ew gross

**closet pervert:**  hyuck do you have no decency

**mark’s loser:**  you should know that i have zero decency

**dream daddy:**  bet you wouldn’t have written that if it was going in the 127 chat though

**maknae on TOP!:**  imagine the hyungs bullying hyuck omg

**mark’s loser:**  i already get bullied by them

**mark’s loser:**  sucks being the maknae

**maknae on TOP!:**  TELL ME ABOUT IT

**f(x) red light track 2:**  but anyway who did mark choose

**closet pervert:** if it isn’t hyuck then this group chat is going to break out into a war

**mark’s loser:**  how petty do you think i am

**maknae on TOP!:** you’re the pettiest

**mark’s loser:**  fake

**cereal thief:**  mark who did you choose

**dream daddy:**  ok i can explain

**pre-debut king:**  omg he didn’t pick hyuck

**mark’s loser:**  bitch i’m waiting

**dream daddy:**  i chose jeno

**dream daddy:**  i should leave now

**f(x) red light track 2:**  yES MY MAN

_ mark’s loser has left the chat _

**maknae on TOP!:**  about time tbh

**dream daddy:**  I MESSED UP

**closet pervert:**  guys give me updates since i’m not there

**cereal thief:**  hyuck bolted

**cereal thief:**  he’s probably gone to the 127 dorm

**closet pervert:**  oh shit is he mad

**king of pre-debut:**  nah he was just sulking

**king of pre-debut:**  he’ll come back when he realises none of us give a shit

**f(x) red light track 2:**  savage

**king of pre-debut:**  but true

**closet pervert:**  also where did mark go

**maknae on TOP!:**  who cares

**f(x) red light track 2:**  i’m screenshotting that

**f(x) red light track 2:**  mark’s gonna kick your ass

**cereal thief:**  you guys are going about this the wrong way

**closet pervert:**  are you maybe suggesting we are being unsympathetic??? i hadn’t noticed!!!

**cereal thief:**  as long as mark isn’t here i’m the leader

**cereal thief:**  so stfu nana or i’ll kick you

**closet pervert:**  wow ok

**maknae on TOP!:**  tell me he can’t see all the messages of us talking shit

**cereal thief:**  if he can’t then mark will just show him

**maknae on TOP!:**  fuc

**mark’s loser:**  you guys all suck

**mark’s loser:**  except renjun because at least he seemed to care?

**cereal thief:**  you’re mistaken

_ mark’s loser removed cereal thief from the chat _

**mark’s loser:**  who’s next :)

**pre-debut king:**  you ok now hyuck?

**mark’s loser:**  no thanks to you assholes

**f(x) red light track 2:**  np glad we were of no help

_ mark’s loser removed f(x) red light track 2 from the chat _

**dream daddy:** hyuck chill

**closet pervert:**  you two done making out?

**maknae on TOP!:**  you’re just asking to be kicked

_ mark’s loser removed closet pervert from the chat _

**mark’s loser:**  but yes

**king of pre-debut:**  whY DID YOU THINK WE WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT

**mark’s loser:**  because you losers all seem to be so invested in my private life

_ king of pre-debut left the chat _

**dream daddy:** hyuck you killed the group chat wtf

**mark's loser:** you still love me

**dream daddy:** i'll kick you is2g

**maknae on TOP!:**  in real life or from the group chat

**dream daddy:** both

**mark's loser:** that sounds fake but ok

_ maknae on TOP! added cereal thief, f(x) red light track 2, closet pervert & pre-debut king to the chat _

**maknae on TOP!:**  finally we can go back to pretending to be a functional family

**closet pervert:**  what do i have to do to get kicked again

**f(x) red light track 2:** breathe

**mark's loser:** i'll fucking choke you nana

**closet pervert:**  kinky

_ mark's loser removed closet pervert from the chat _

**pre-debut king:**  so much for pretending to be a functional family

**pre-debut king:**  we lasted like two seconds

**f(x) red light track 2:** that's longer than most of the 127 hyungs

**dream daddy:**  jeNO

**maknae on TOP!:** i want jeno to be our leader

**pre-debut king:**  i don't get it

**cereal thief:** honey whatever you do don't google it

**dream daddy:**  jeno i'm belatedly kicking you to protect chenle’s innocence

**f(x) red light track 2:** i respect that

_ dream daddy removed f(x) red light track 2 from the chat _

**pre-debut king:** i googled it and wtf

**cereal thief:** you saw nOTHING

**pre-debut king:**  i am scarred permanently

**mark's loser:** this group chat is basically a guide on how to ruin the innocence of a child

**mark's loser:** i’m so proud of us

**maknae on TOP!:**  ok but who tf are you calling a child

**pre-debut king:** i vote that we revolt against the hyungs

**maknae on TOP!:** i would but cba

**pre-debut king:** fake friend

**cereal thief:**  it's ok you still have me

**pre-debut king:** that's what you think

**mark's loser:** that shade though

**cereal thief:**  fine see if i care

_ cereal thief left the chat _

**dream daddy:**  well so much for restoring our dysfunctional family


	4. Satan sent an image

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moose: y’all know blue is a lyrical masterpiece
> 
> moose: i am but an amateur compared to eiffel 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> dream daddy (mark)  
> cereal thief (renjun)  
> f(x) red light track 2 (jeno)  
> mark's loser (donghyuck)  
> closet pervert (jaemin)  
> pre-debut king (chenle)  
> maknae on TOP! (jisung)

(group chat - new chat)

 

_lee jeno added na jaemin & huang renjun to the chat _

_lee jeno named the chat we got kicked_

_lee jeno changed their own nickname to pun master_

_pun master changed na jaemin’s nickname to kinkshamed_

_pun master changed huang renjun’s nickname to disrespected_

**pun master:** named us after the reasons we left the chat

 **kinkshamed:**  i was joking though

 **disrespected:**  and you still got kicked

 **kinkshamed:**  ok fine i’ll accept my fate

 **kinkshamed:**  but why do we have a separate chat?

 **pun master:** lbr if we get added back we’ll just get removed again

 **pun master:**  people don’t appreciate my natural sense of humour

 **disrespected:**  after mark kicked you chenle googled your joke

 **kinkshamed:**  what joke lol

 **pun master:**  “we lasted for two seconds” - chenle

 **pun master:**  “longer than most of 127 hyungs do then” - me

 **kinkshamed:**  FUCK JENO

 **kinkshamed:**  THAT WAS AMAZING

 **disrespected:**  are you ignoring the fact that our second youngest member actually googled to check what that meant

 **kinkshamed:**  lol

 **disrespected:**  NO NOT “LOL”

 **disrespected:** HE’S LIKE FIVE

 **pun master:**  he’ll cope

 **pun master:**  he was going to learn one day

 

* * *

  

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **mark’s loser:**  ok this chat got kind of stagnant when the other 00 line members disappeared

 **dream daddy:**  you were literally responsible for them all leaving

 **mark’s loser:**  i’m over that

_pre-debut king added cereal thief, f(x) red light track 2 & closet pervert to the chat _

**cereal thief:**  i want an apology for being disrespected

 **pre-debut king:**  i’m sorry!!!

 **cereal thief:**  ok

 **closet pervert:**  can we have a change of names pls

 **closet pervert:**  i want a better name

 **dream daddy:**  but i like my name

 **f(x) red light track 2:**  i’m on it guys dw

_f(x) red light track 2 changed their own nickname to condensed milk_

_condensed milk changed maknae on TOP!’s nickname to eiffel 65_

_condensed milk changed king of pre-debut’s nickname to sCrEaMiNg_

_condensed milk changed closet pervert’s nickname to kinkshamed_

_condensed milk changed mark’s loser’s nickname to mark’s 2nd fave_

_condensed milk changed cereal thief’s nickname to intensely doesn’t care_

_condensed milk changed dream daddy’s nickname to moose_

**moose:** wow i’m offended by these stereotypes

 **kinkshamed:**  WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER WITH THIS NAME IN MORE THAN ONE GROUP CHAT

 **condensed milk:**  you deserve it

 **eiffel 65:** i don’t get my name

 **intensely doesn’t care:**  what colour is your hair jisung

 **eiffel 65:**  blue?

 **moose:**  dA BA DEE DA BA DA

 **mark’s 2nd fave:**  you old fuck

 **moose:**  fuck you i’m still younger than that song

 **eiffel 65:**  can i google it

 **sCrEaMiNg:**  if it’s a music video let me watch it with you

 **moose:**  jeno i can’t believe you’re educating the youth on one of the best songs ever written

 **condensed milk:**  important question for you mark lee

 **moose:** go on

 **condensed milk:**  would you say blue is a better song than anything you have ever written

 **moose:**  is that even a question

 **moose:**  y’all know blue is a lyrical masterpiece

 **moose:**  i am but an amateur compared to eiffel 65

 **kinkshamed:**  i can’t tell if he’s being incredibly sarcastic or genuinely honest

 **moose:**  yes

 **intensely doesn’t care:**  mark lee the king of answering questions

 **mark’s 2nd fave:**  also why is my name this

 **mark’s 2nd fave:**  jeno i want answers

 **condensed milk:**  he said he wanted to be stranded on a desert island with me remember?

 **condensed milk:**  and i’m never going to let you forget it

 **mark’s 2nd fave:**  well fuck you too

 **condensed milk:**  no thanks you aren’t my type

 **sCrEaMiNg:** what is your type then

 **eiffel 65:**  that’s right my type

 **mark’s 2nd fave:**  jisung pARK with the exo references

 **condensed milk:**  my type is anyone who will cuddle me and tell me i look pretty

 **moose:**  so renjun

 **intensely doesn’t care:**  you’re just jealous that you have no chance at that piece of ass

 **sCrEaMiNg:** ACTUALLY SCREAMING

 **sCrEaMiNg:**  WHAT KIND OF REPLY IS THAT

 **condensed milk:**  well he ain’t wrong i’ve got a great ass

 **condensed milk:**  which none of you hoes are allowed near

 **mark’s 2nd fave:** i’ll stick with my own fave ass then

 **kinkshamed:** STOP! TALKING! ABOUT! BUTTS!

 **eiffel 65:**  you hyungs are all butts tbh

 **moose:**  from now on i'm going to kick anyone who mentions butts

 **condensed milk:**  you're no fun

 **sCrEaMiNg:**  you've known him for years and you've only just realised how boring he is?

 **moose:**  stop disrespecting me i'm more fun than 90% of the other hyungs

 **kinkshamed:** don't be fake hyung it doesn't suit you :)

 **moose:** pretending not to be offended when jeno flirts with renjun doesn't suit you either :)

 **mark's 2nd fave:**  NANA JUST GOT HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM

_moose removed mark's 2nd fave from the chat_

**sCrEaMiNg:** omg he kicked his bae

 **eiffel 65:** savage hyung

 **moose:** when i said i'd kick anyone talking about them i meant it

 **sCrEaMiNg:**  even your bae?

 **moose:** did i fucking stutter

 **condensed milk:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

 

(screenshot of private chat - hyuck)

 

 **hyuck:** ADD ME BACK

 **you:** why me

 **hyuck:**  because mark won't answer my messages

 **hyuck:**  tell him he's a bitch

 **you:**  more like you’re  _his_  bitch

 **hyuck:** FUCKING ADD ME

 **hyuck:** JENO

 **hyuck:** DON'T IGNORE ME

 **hyuck:**  JENO

 **hyuck:** if you add me back i'll say nice things about you to renjun

 **you:** i've known you for years why should i trust you

 **hyuck:** exactly

 **hyuck:** i've known you longer than he has

 **hyuck:** i watched you grow up hot (Relieved Face )

**you:** no

**you:** you better not

 

* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**condensed milk:**  I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING

**condensed milk:** I’M SCARED

**moose:**  don’t add him back

**moose:** make him suffer

**kinkshamed:**  you’re so kind to your other half

**moose:**  HE’S NOT MY OTHER HALF

**sCrEaMiNg:** that’s just not true

**moose:**  WE AREN’T DATING

**intensely doesn’t care:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

(screenshot of private chat - satan)

  


**satan:** jeno is pretty hot shirtless just saying

**satan:** (Winking Face ) (Winking Face ) (Winking Face ) (Winking Face )

**you:** um ok?  (Neutral Face )

**satan:** you want pics?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**satan:** (Unamused Face ) answer me bitch

**you:** you're weird

**satan:** weird but with shirtless pics of jeno  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**satan:** don't deny me

**you:** choke

**satan:** you kinky bitch  (Smirking Face )

**satan:** i'll tell jeno that's what you're into  (Smirking Face )

**satan:** don't ignore me wtf

**satan:** renjun

**satan:** RENJUN

**satan:** i can give you other details

**satan:** what would you like to know?  (Smirking Face )

**satan:** you know what fuck you

**satan:** you and jeno are both bitches not replying to me

* * *

  

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**sCrEaMiNg:** omg

**eiffel 65:**  ok but i want to see what pics he’s got lol

**condensed milk:**  FUCK

**condensed milk:**  BRB I’M GOING TO FIGHT HIM

**condensed milk:**  IF YOU HEAR ANY SCREAMS IGNORE IT

**kinkshamed:**  holy shit

**eiffel 65:**  how long do you think until hyuck starts screaming

**moose:** less than a minute

**kinkshamed:**  because you’d know how long it takes for him to scream

**moose:**  YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT NA JAEMIN

**intensely doesn’t care:**  jeno is going to be so mad he missed this

**sCrEaMiNg:** also mark didn’t deny it

**moose:**  you want a fucking denial?

_ moose removed kinkshamed from the chat _

**intensely doesn’t care:**  that? wasn’t a denial?

**eiffel 65:**  sounds more like he’s  _in_  denial about their love

_ moose removed eiffel 65 from the chat _

**sCrEaMiNg:** i hear the screaming finally

**moose:**  i feel like i’ve been bullied today

**intensely doesn’t care:**  fortunately you’re left with mostly nice people in this chat

**sCrEaMiNg:** is that shade at me? you bitch

**intensely doesn’t care:**  don’t fucking swear at me you underaged shit

**moose:**  says someone who is also underaged and also swearing?

**moose:**  fucking hypocrite

**condensed milk:**  hey bitches i’m back :)

**condensed milk:**  i think i dealt with satan

**intensely doesn’t care:**  i have five notifications saying he sent me an image so i think you didn’t deal with him enough

**condensed milk:**  DON’T OPEN THEM

**moose:**  what kind of images does he even have of you lol

**condensed milk:**  IMAGES I DON’T WANT YOU LOT SEEING

_ sCrEaMiNg added eiffel 65, kinkshamed and mark’s 2nd fave to the chat _

**moose:**  holy shit chenle why did you bring them back

**sCrEaMiNg:** i wouldn’t worry hyuck seems to be far too busy sending inappropriate images to renjun for him to actually read these messages

**kinkshamed:**  omg what did i miss

**condensed milk** : i don’t like how quiet he’s being

**condensed milk:**  pleASE DON’T OPEN THOSE IMAGES RENJUN

**eiffel 65:**  nudes?

**moose:** you’re like five

**moose:**  you don’t know what a nude is

**eiffel 65:**  no ofc not

_ intensely doesn’t care left the chat _

**condensed milk** : SHIT

**moose:**  oh shit he totally opened them

**kinkshamed:**  what were the images holy shit

_ condensed milk left the chat _

**sCrEaMiNg:** this is getting kind of sad?

**moose:**  look i don’t think hyuck would send shit that could actually hurt him

**moose:**  but i’m worried now

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i heard my name

**kinkshamed:**  what did you do

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  ???

**kinkshamed:**  from what i understand you sent some pics of jeno to renjun then both of them left the chat

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  oh lol

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  they aren’t even that bad tf

**moose:**  then tell us what they were

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  ok well there was an embarrassing pic from smrookies era

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  and there was a shirtless pic but they're roommates so it’s not like he hasn’t seen that already

**moose:**  and the other three pics?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  remember when we got our first win and the hyungs hosted us a party?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  and they offered us alcohol?

**kinkshamed:**  tf how dare you guys get lit while i’m gone

**sCrEaMiNg:** but what does that party have to do with anything?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  the other three pics might have been screenshots of drunken texts to me confessing how much he was into renjun

**eiffel 65:**  you’re an asshole

**eiffel 65:**  don’t kick me for that mark

**moose:**  i wouldn’t kick you dw

**moose:** it was true

**moose:**  hyuck you’re a fucking asshole what the fuck

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  loOK

**kinkshamed:**  you outed him to his crush

**kinkshamed:**  that makes you an asshole

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  why are you on their side i thought you liked him too

**kinkshamed:**  i just want him to be happy

**kinkshamed:**  the fuck did you seriously think i’d want to make him miserable just because he likes someone else?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  you literally outed me for having a folder of fansite pics

**kinkshamed:**  how is that comparable

**mark’s 2nd fave:** look i get it i messed up

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  but there’s nothing i can do to apologise right now

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  they’ve got things to talk about

**eiffel 65:**  they don’t sound like they’re talking right now?

**kinkshamed:**  how would you know

**eiffel 65:**  ok so renjun was in their dorm room and jeno was with me before all this went down

**eiffel 65:**  then when he left the chat he headed straight to their room

**eiffel 65:**  i followed him but he shut the door behind them so right now i’m in my room to listen in

**kinkshamed:**  fair enough

**sCrEaMiNg:** what can you hear then?

**eiffel 65:**  it’s oddly quiet

**eiffel 65:**  should i investigate?

**moose:**  give it a few more minutes

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  pls don’t tell ty hyung about this

**moose:**  only if you don’t do this again because this could be serious

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i know

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i won’t

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i feel really shitty now can someone come and cuddle me

**sCrEaMiNg:** by someone you mean mark

**moose:**  where the fuck are you

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  recording studio

**moose:**  don’t fucking move

**moose:**  i’m on my way

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  message received captain

**kinkshamed:** that’s really fucking cute wtf

**sCrEaMiNg:** jisung what’s going on where you are

**eiffel 65:**  still quiet

**eiffel 65:**  i’m going to peek

**kinkshamed:**  this is tense

**sCrEaMiNg:** i hope they’re ok :’(

**eiffel 65:**  update

**eiffel 65:**  i pushed open the door a little bit so i could see what was happening

**eiffel 65:**  they were far too busy to hear me

**sCrEaMiNg:** busy?

**eiffel 65:**  from the looks of it

**eiffel 65:**  with each other’s tongues

**kinkshamed:** that’s fucking gross but also really fucking cute

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i’m glad i didn’t fuck anything up then

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  and mark says he’s happy for them

**sCrEaMiNg:** he can’t reply for himself?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  not when his arms are around me he can’t

**kinkshamed:**  cute :’)

**eiffel 65:**  do we add back those two now we know they’re ok?

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  mark says you can :)

**eiffel 65:**  tell mark he can’t tell me what to do

**sCrEaMiNg:** #edgy

**kinkshamed:**  fine i’ll do it you lazy fucks

_ kinkshamed added intensely doesn’t care & condensed milk to the chat _

**kinkshamed:**  we should rename them since they’re too busy to argue right now

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  do it

**kinkshamed:**  how inappropriate can i go

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  mark says don’t go too far

**kinkshamed:**  damn :(

**kinkshamed:**  i'm guessing mark won't approve of anything on urban dictionary then

**sCrEaMiNg:** what's urban dictionary?

**eiffel 65:**  a website that would 100% ruin your innocence

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  sounds like someone is speaking from experience lol

**mark’s 2nd fave:**   **@kinkshamed** just change them before mark can tell you off

_ kinkshamed changed condensed milk’s name to bishi_

_ kinkshamed changed intensely doesn’t care’s name to twink _

**kinkshamed:**  let’s see how long it takes for them to notice and change them

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  I’M LAUGHING

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  YOU’RE MY HERO NANA

**sCrEaMiNg:**  i hate to ask again

**sCrEaMiNg:**  but what is a twink

**eiffel 65:**  you know we mentioned urban dictionary?

** eiffel ** **65:**  you'll find all your answers there :)

**sCrEaMiNg:** ok thanks!!!

**moose:**  what no someone protect the child

**kinkshamed:**  mark did you seriously return just for that

**moose:** yes

**moose:**  now i’ve got more important things to do

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  i love being important

**kinkshamed:**  everyone’s getting loved up i can’t deal with this

**kinkshamed:**  hey maknaes when are you two gonna get together

**eiffel 65:**  hey jaemin when are you going to come back

**kinkshamed:**  too soon

**bishi:**  ok what the fuck happened while i was gone

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  before that i’d like to apologise

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  and ask if you got laid ;)

**bishi:**  apology accepted

**bishi:**  and wtf no?

**kinkshamed:**  so what happened was that mark went to go and cuddle hyuck, jisung has been giving us live updates from the dorm and chenle is far too innocent for this chat

**bishi:**  who changed my name

**sCrEaMiNg:** jaemin

**kinkshamed:**  so much for bros sticking together

**eiffel 65:**  where is renjun

**twink:**  here

**twink:** i was just reading through all the messages

**twink:** and who are you calling a twink tf

**kinkshamed:**  don’t make me change them :(

**eiffel 65:**  i have a suggestion

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  fire away

**eiffel 65:**  you guys let me rename everyone and we play yaja time

**sCrEaMiNg:**  i endorse this

**twink:**  you know what

**twink:**  anything to have a different name

**eiffel 65:**  hyuck what does mark say

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  he says you can

**eiffel 65:**  excellent

**eiffel 65:**  any last words before i’m in command?

**mark’s 2nd fave:** mark says he’s not going to open the chat for as long as you’re playing yaja time

**eiffel 65:**  he’s a piece of shit

**mark’s 2nd fave:**  oops he also says i’m not going to open the chat either because i’ll be too occupied so byeeeee

**kinkshamed:**  the heck are they going to do?

**sCrEaMiNg:** each other

**twink:**  you’re supposed to be the innocent one shut up

**sCrEaMiNg:** make me

**eiffel 65:** i’m changing the names now suckers

_ eiffel 65 changed moose’s nickname to dream baby _

_ eiffel 65 changed twink’s nickname to smol _

_ eiffel 65 changed bishi’s nickname to baby milk _

_ eiffel 65 changed mark’s 2nd fave’s nickname to duckling _

_ eiffel 65 changed sCrEaMiNg’s nickname to hyung line bro _

_ eiffel 65 changed their own nickname to jisung hyung _

**jisung hyung:**  so hi everyone i’m your new leader

**smol:**  i’d rather die

**kinkshamed:**  YOU FORGOT ME

**hyung line bro:** just like sm then

_ jisung hyung changed kinkshamed’s nickname to whiney bitch _

**jisung hyung:**  happy now?

**whiney bitch:**  no

**smol:**  grow a pair

**whiney bitch:**  you’re younger than me so respect me

**smol:**  i’ll pass thx

**baby milk:**  my name is kinda cute

**hyung line bro:**  so nothing like you then?

**jisung hyung:** this is fun but not as fun as it would be if mark and hyuck were here

**jisung hyung:**  so i’m calling it a night

**jisung hyung:**  we will recommence when our maknae is here :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 98% Jeno is trying to kill me with his looks. How is he so perfect???
> 
> I'm supposed to be a loyal Renjun stan...


	5. Yaja time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s so tASTY: then who the fuck is the 0.5 bi
> 
> is jeno a good kisser: wouldn’t 0.5 bi mean either homo/hetero by default?
> 
> it’s so tASTY: stop being smart and logical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> dream baby (mark)  
> smol (renjun)  
> baby milk (jeno)  
> duckling (donghyuck)  
> whiney bitch (jaemin)  
> hyung line bro (chenle)  
> jisung hyung (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **hyung line bro:** guys what does promiscuous mean?

 **whiney bitch:** i legit choked

 **duckling:** lmao chenle

 **hyung line bro:** bitch did i ask for you to laugh at me

 **hyung line bro:** what does it mean

 **dream baby:** where did you hear that word?

 **hyung line bro:** mark seriously just tell me

 **baby milk:** it’s what you’d call someone who sleeps around

 **hyung line bro:** you’re gonna need to tell me what that means

 **hyung line bro:** sleeping around

 **hyung line bro:** around what

 **whiney bitch:** it means when you fuck lots of people with little commitment

 **dream baby:** you didn’t have to be so blunt

 **whiney bitch:** shut up you’re the maknae

 **baby milk:** but seriously chenle where did you hear that word?

 **hyung line bro:** that’s chenle _hyung_ to you

 **hyung line bro:** and i was talking to sicheng

 **smol:** you mean _we_ were

 **hyung line bro:** who are you again

 **hyung line bro:** anyway :)

 **smol:** you may be older than me in this stupid yaja time but when this ends i’m going to kick your ass all the way back to china

 **jisung hyung:** respect your elders!!!

 **smol:** no

 **smol:** you never did

 **dream baby:** what kind of conversation were you having with sicheng

 **hyung line bro:** this was in our china chat btw with me, renjun, sicheng, kun and yukhei

 **hyung line bro:** sicheng was complaining about late nights in the 127 dorm

 **hyung line bro:** he said some of the members are so promiscuous and he wishes they’d just sleep at night instead

 **whiney bitch:** lmao who was he talking about specifically

 **smol:** literally all of them

 **smol:** you should’ve heard some of the things he was saying

 **baby milk:** send screenshots then baby :)

 **smol:** they’re in mandarin you moron

 **duckling:** and you’re too lazy to translate for your hyungs :’(

 **smol:** stop pretending to care it doesn’t suit you

 **whiney bitch:** are we just going to ignore that jeno called renjun baby?

 **jisung hyung:** yeah we should call you a baby because you act like one most of the time

 **dream baby:** you’re just asking for nana to beat you up when this ends

 **jisung hyung:** he’d have to come to our dorms first which we all know isn’t happening

 **whiney bitch:** you’re a bitch

 **jisung hyung:** hope you’re enjoying hanging out with your new friends :) how are the smrookies btw? :)

_whiney bitch removed jisung hyung from the chat_

**whiney bitch:** i’m getting disrespected

 **baby milk:** you kicked our new leader holy shit

_hyung line bro removed whiney bitch from the chat_

_hyung line bro added jisung hyung to the chat_

**jisung hyung:** normal business is resumed

 **duckling:** this is starting to feel like a dictatorship where those who speak out get removed

 **duckling:** i’ll be next :’)

 **hyung line bro:** so now it’s just us hyungs and the two couples i think we should question you kids

 **jisung hyung:** yes!!! great idea!!!

 **smol:** who are you calling a couple

 **hyung line bro:** anyway i gotta check that you guys are staying safe ;)

 **hyung line bro:** are you?

 **dream baby:** no comment

 **jisung hyung:** what he means is that there’s no rush for you kids to get up to any of that stuff

 **jisung hyung:** but remember it’s important to stay safe!

 **duckling:** ok but i think you’d know if any of us were doing the dirty

 **duckling:** we live together remember?

 **hyung line bro:** who knows what you and mark get up to in the 127 dorm

 **dream baby:** can we please not talk about this

 **dream baby:** and can yaja time end asap

 **baby milk:** i don’t think any of us are making this better by not answering their dumb questions

 **smol:** then answer you idiot

 **baby milk:** we are not a couple!

 **baby milk:** we have not slept together!

 **duckling:** stop lying to yourselves!

 **smol:** and still neither mark or hyuck have denied anything

 **dream baby:** i thought it was pretty fucking obvious that nothing goes on in this dorm

 **hyung line bro:** and in the 127 dorm?

 **dream baby:** fuck you

 **duckling:**  don't you all think we're a bit young for what you're suggesting?

 **smol:** let's have fun while we're still young and worry about everything else once we're older

 **hyung line bro:**  meanwhile the 127 hyungs are busy being hoes

 **baby milk:** who gives a shit about them though

 **baby milk:** let them fuck each other all they like

 **baby milk:** at least we don’t have to hear it

 **duckling:** speak for yourself asshole

 **duckling:** i’m still haunted by some of the shit i’ve heard in that dorm

 **jisung hyung:** ok but are either of you dating i don’t think we clarified that

 **baby milk:** scroll up dickweed

 **jisung hyung:** i was mainly talking to mark and hyuck so fuck you

 **jisung hyung:** i could kick you for being rude to your hyung

 **baby milk:** try it and i’ll tell taeyong that you’re being a bitch

 **jisung hyung:** >-<

 **jisung hyung:** still no response from the other couple

 **duckling:** why do you care so much

 **jisung hyung:** because you two are my roommates and i’d like preparation for when your relationship progresses

 **dream baby:** that’s your preparation then

 **jisung hyung:** that??? doesn’t answer my question???

 **hyung line bro:** tbh i think it does

 **hyung line bro:** they’re dating lbr

_dream baby added whiney bitch to the chat_

_dream baby cleared all nicknames_

**mark lee:** yaja time is over bitches

_mark lee changed their own nickname to morkle_

_morkle changed huang renjun’s nickname to is jeno a good kisser_

_morkle changed lee jeno’s nickname to is renjun a good kisser_

_morkle changed lee donghyuck’s nickname to it’s so tASTY_

_morkle changed na jaemin’s nickname to e-e-e-electric shock_

_morkle changed zhong chenle’s name to innocent child_

_morkle changed park jisung’s name to giant baby_

**morkle:** my hard work is complete

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** i approve

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** nanananananana (electric)

 **giant baby:** who are you calling a baby

 **is jeno a good kisser:** yes

 **it’s so tASTY:** SCREAMING

 **it’s so tASTY:** CONFIRMED

 **is renjun a good kisser:** ok but what the hell is your name referring to hyuck?

 **it’s so tASTY:** answer your own fucking name before you challenge me

 **is renjun a good kisser:** fine

 **is renjun a good kisser:** with some practice, he will be

 **is renjun a good kisser:** there’s a first time for everything :)

 **morkle:** that was really cute

 **innocent child:** so it’s confirmed that renjun’s first kiss was jeno?

 **is jeno a good kisser:** not confirmed

 **is jeno a good kisser:** mind your own damn business

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** can someone explain then why hyuck’s name is “it’s so tasty”

 **morkle:** red velvet

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** i know that you shit

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** why is he so tasty

 **it’s so tASTY:** you’d have to taste to find out ;)

 **is renjun a good kisser:** TASTE WHAT?

 **morkle:** look

 **morkle:** i didn’t intend for it to be weird

 **giant baby:** that seems unlikely

 **morkle:** i meant kissing him but y’know

 **innocent child:** CONFIRMED! CONFIRMED! CONFIRMED!

 **e-e-e-electric shock** : meanwhile me, painfully single

 **giant baby:** same nana

 **innocent child:** same :’(

 **it’s so tASTY:** just date hina omg we’ve been telling you for years

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** honey i’m kind of gay

 **it’s so tASTY:** honey you’re into guys and girls so i’m pretty sure you’re bi at least

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** let me try again

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** honey she’s way out of my league

 **giant baby:** what the heck no she’s not

 **giant baby:** no offence to hina noona

 **is renjun a good kisser:** she likes you too dumbass

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** i do not believe that

 **morkle:** she’s liked you for fucking years

 **morkle:** you’re seriously blind

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** no

 **it’s so tASTY:** ask her out

 **it’s so tASTY:** she’ll say yes

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** am i seriously the only person attracted to girls in this group

 **morkle:** you really _are_ fucking blind

 **morkle:** pretty sure half of us like girls too?

 **giant baby:** aka 3.5 of us

 **is renjun a good kisser:** aww he can count

 **giant baby:** shut up

 **it’s so tASTY:** well i’m not one of your 3.5 currently

 **it’s so tASTY:** been there, done that, realised that boys are cooler

 **it’s so tASTY:** except mark he’s a fucking loser

 **morkle:** thanks honey

 **morkle:** tragically, i guess i’m one of your special bi squad

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** well it’s not called the special bi squad because that’s a fucking stupid name

 **morkle:** bitch i’m older than you so my opinion is more important

 **innocent child:** hi i like girls too sometimes

 **morkle:** cute :)

 **it’s so tASTY:** then who the fuck is the 0.5 bi

 **is jeno a good kisser:** wouldn’t 0.5 bi mean either homo/hetero by default?

 **it’s so tASTY:** stop being smart and logical

 **is renjun a good kisser:** i think your statistic is bs because most of us are attracted to girls at least slightly

 **it’s so tASTY:** speak for yourself

 **is renjun a good kisser:** i did bitch

 **giant baby:** i’m too young for the stresses that come with love

 **is jeno a good kisser:** these names are confusing me btw

 **is renjun a good kisser:** you’re telling me

 **is jeno a good kisser:** you change yours

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i like mine :)

 **is renjun a good kisser:** you’re too cute

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** look i get that you two made out but we’ve gotta read your soppy messages so can you tone it down a bit?

_is renjun a good kisser changed their own nickname to HE’S A GREAT KISSER_

**HE’S A GREAT KISSER:** is this better for your single ass nana?

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** not really no

 **morkle:** have you asked hina out yet

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** no

 **morkle:** then put up with it

 **morkle:** also i’m going to remove you from the chat until you’re dating her

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** you ass

_morkle removed e-e-e-electric shock from the chat_

**innocent child:** wasn’t that a bit harsh?

 **innocent child:** what if he’s not ready to date?

 **giant baby:** maybe he’s not

 **giant baby:** but that doesn’t change the fact he’s been into her for years lol

 **innocent child:** fair enough

 **is jeno a good kisser:** jeno pls can you change your name it’s a bit weird for me

 **HE’S A GREAT KISSER:** but it’s true :(

_HE’S A GREAT KISSER changed their own nickname to jaemin is a bitch_

**jaemin is a bitch:** perfect

 **it’s so tASTY:** accurate

 **it’s so tASTY:** he’ll love seeing that when he’s added back

 **jaemin is a bitch:** yeah because he’s totally going to ask hina out within this century

 **morkle:** that’s the kind of savage you only hear when talking trash about your best friend :’)

 **morkle:** i’m so proud of my kids :’)

 **giant baby:** would morkle be your pokémon name?

 **is jeno a good kisser:** but what type would he be

 **it’s so tASTY:** electric because 90% of the time his hair is fried

 **morkle:** fucking rude

 **morkle:** thx jisung i’m officially adopting morkle as my pokémon name

 **is jeno a good kisser:** alright guys everyone put what type of pokémon you would be

 **it’s so tASTY:** dark just like my sense of humour

 **innocent child:** i want to be fairy type

 **giant baby:** legendary

 **it’s so tASTY:** no jisung

 **giant baby:** dragon

 **morkle:** more like baby dragon

 **jaemin is a bitch:** ground because they’re powerful

 **is jeno a good kisser:** you know what i’ll be fairy type too

 **giant baby:** jaemin is ghost type

 **it’s so tASTY:** jiSUNG

 **morkle:** fyi hyuck is actually crying laughing

 **innocent child:** how would you know

 **jaemin is a bitch:** i bet they’re cuddling again

 **morkle:** that is an assumption

 **it’s so tASTY:** but a correct assumption

 **is jeno a good kisser:** guys we forgot about jaemin

 **giant baby:** so did sm

 **jaemin is a bitch:** jisung you made that joke before lol

 **jaemin is a bitch:** i’ll message him and check he’s alive

 **innocent child:** no one would notice if he wasn’t alive tbh

 **morkle:** i’d miss his smile though

 **it’s so tASTY:** bitch his smile isn’t as radiant as mine

 **jaemin is a bitch:** i’d like to argue that _i_ have the best smile

 **it’s so tASTY:** and i thought you were checking on jaemin

 **jaemin is a bitch:** he’s messaging her

 **jaemin is a bitch:** he’s “taking it slow”

 **morkle:** i always knew he stanned nct u

 **giant baby:** no one cares about that thing you did once

 **morkle:** open your eyes

 **morkle:** stan nct u

 **giant baby:** go take a dive off a cliff

 **it’s so tASTY:** holy shit jisung

 **giant baby:** you still love me though

 **morkle:** you’re a little bitch but i can tolerate you

 **morkle:** my youngest child :)

 **giant baby:** ew no thanks

 **jaemin is a bitch:** update!!!

 **jaemin is a bitch:** he asked her

 **it’s so tASTY:** and?

 **jaemin is a bitch:** she hasn’t opened the message yet

 **jaemin is a bitch:** he’s panicking massively

 **is jeno a good kisser:** he’s cute when he’s being serious

 **jaemin is a bitch:** um

 **morkle:** quick tell him he’s cute so he won’t sulk

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i didn’t mean cute like that  >-<

 **is jeno a good kisser:** jenoooooo

 **is jeno a good kisser:** come to our room~

 **innocent child:** that sounds like a threat

 **it’s so tASTY:** or a proposition

 **morkle:** hyuck stfu

 **jaemin is a bitch:** hi i’m over it now

 **it’s so tASTY:** what’s he doing to you

 **jaemin is a bitch:** cuddles

 **jaemin is a bitch:** oh shit nana sent me like 100 messages lol

 **giant baby:** are they a couple yet

 **jaemin is a bitch:** ok so i can’t be bothered posting screenshots but she’s saying she’s interested but she’s worried about dating while she’s a trainee

 **jaemin is a bitch:** he’s trying to convince her that he’ll suffer as much as she will if they get caught lol

 **morkle:** omg they’ll be the first relationship from our group

 **innocent child:** ???

 **innocent child:** then what about you and hyuck?

 **it’s so tASTY:** pLaToNiC LOVE LOVE LOVE

 **giant baby:** you’ve literally made out

 **morkle:** you have no evidence

 **morkle:** we cuddle sometimes and sometimes we kiss but y’know

 **innocent child:** i want a relationship like that :(

 **giant baby:** date me then

 **innocent child:** what

 **morkle:** omg

 **giant baby:** i mean what i was kidding lol

 **innocent child:** lol

 **innocent child:** ;)

 **it’s so tASTY:** um what just happened?

 **jaemin is a bitch:** THEY’RE DATING IT’S OFFICIAL

 **morkle:** who? nana and hina?

 **jaemin is a bitch:** yep

 **jaemin is a bitch:** can i add him back now?

_jaemin is a bitch added e-e-e-electric shock to the chat_

**e-e-e-electric shock:** who tf is called “jaemin is a bitch”

 **jaemin is a bitch:** your bff ofc

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** jeno fight me

 **it’s so tASTY:** congrats on being str8!

 **morkle:** our first couple in the group  <3

 **giant baby:** use protection!

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** ok first i’m not a hetero i’m bi

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** second thx mark but what about you and hyuck? or jeno and renjun?

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** and third jisung wtf

 **morkle:** neither of us are couples lol

 **giant baby:** chenle we should make bets on who will get laid first

 **innocent child:** it’s 100% mark and hyuck

 **giant baby:** you know what same

 **morkle:** I CAN SEE YOUR MESSAGES

 **morkle:** WE ALL CAN

 **giant baby:** oops gotta dash

 **innocent child:** bye uncool hyungs~

 **morkle:** where the fuck did they go

 **it’s so tASTY:** who cares just cuddle me

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** damn i want cuddles now :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually one of my favourite chapters I've written just because so much goes on in it. Also, it's one of the best chapters that I didn't write in the middle of the night (once we get past chapter 10, you'll see what writing this mess after midnight is like).
> 
> Shoutout to SRG17! I miss Herin still. She's from around where I am and I was cheering her on, but now I just want her to get her debut.


	6. The Na Jaemin Protection Squad™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> e-e-e-electric shock: ilu jeno
> 
> e-e-e-electric shock: in a best mate way
> 
> e-e-e-electric shock: don’t tell my gf i said that
> 
> giant baby: you’ve been dating her for one day? and you’re already whipped for jeno?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> morkle (mark)  
> is jeno a good kisser (renjun)  
> jaemin is a bitch (jeno)  
> it's so tASTY (donghyuck)  
> e-e-e-electric shock (jaemin)  
> innocent child (chenle)  
> giant baby (jisung)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This was originally written just before the Dream comeback, so that's why they're talking about being back :)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **morkle:** nct dream are BACK

 **it’s so tASTY:** honey we all know

 **it’s so tASTY:** we’re all involved lol

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** speak for yourself

 **jaemin is a bitch:** now i feel guilty about my name :(

_jaemin is a bitch changed their own nickname to justice for nana_

**justice for nana:** hey

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** ilu jeno

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** in a best mate way

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** don’t tell my gf i said that

 **giant baby:** you’ve been dating her for one day? and you’re already whipped for jeno?

 **innocent child:** he’s joined the blonde line of nct ofc nana can’t keep his eyes off him

 **innocent child:** me and you can relate

 **giant baby:** true

 **is jeno a good kisser:** hey am i part of the blonde line

 **innocent child:** i guess you’re actually blonde now so yeah

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i feel honoured

 **giant baby:** sucks for the losers who aren’t one of us

 **giant baby:** aka duck and nana

 **it’s so tASTY:** stfu i’ll make my blonde debut eventually

 **e-e-e-electric shock:** i might actually come back eventually

 **morkle:** awwww :(

_morkle changed e-e-e-electric shock’s nickname to nana our angel_

**nana our angel:** thanks guys :’)

 **nana our angel:** feeling more love from you guys than from sm tbh

 **nana our angel:** we should move on though

 **justice for nana:** you really are our angel

 **it’s so tASTY:** 00 line need to have a squad hangout soon

 **it’s so tASTY:** so much gossip to share

 **it’s so tASTY:** you guys in?

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i’m always up for finding out more gossip

 **justice for nana:** me tooooooo i’m a drama hoe

 **nana our angel:** and ofc so am i

 **nana our angel:** the biggest hoe

 **nana our angel:** for drama

 **nana our angel:** i’m not a hoe

 **it’s so tASTY:** you’re queen of the hoes don’t lie

 **giant baby:** stop saying hoe it’s disrespectful :(

 **morkle:** jisung you have morals?

 **giant baby:** stfu mork

 **innocent child:** can we be friendly in this chat for once omg

 **it’s so tASTY:** sorry that would be fake and you guys all know i am not a fake

 **morkle:** who are you and what did you do to lee donghyuck

 **it’s so tASTY:** i’m still your lovely hyuck :)

 **innocent child:** that’s literally the fakest thing you’ve ever said

 **innocent child:** “lovely”

 **it’s so tASTY:** i’m not THAT bad

 **justice for nana:** have you ever met you

 **it’s so tASTY:** do y’all believe i can’t be nice

 **giant baby:** we live with you

 **giant baby:** there’s no hope left for you

 **it’s so tASTY:** says the kid with blue hair

 **is jeno a good kisser:** see?

 **it’s so tASTY:** look i can’t help being savage omg

 **it’s so tASTY:** it’s who i am

 **nana our angel:** ok but maybe chill the savage a bit?

 **it’s so tASTY:** -_-

 **it’s so tASTY:** i’m going to have a nap

 **morkle:** are you mad? :(

 **it’s so tASTY:** no i’m literally just tired lol

 **it’s so tASTY:** bye homos

 **nana our angel:** i thought we established most of us we bi

 **is jeno a good kisser:** and you thought hyuck would care?

 **is jeno a good kisser:** he’s not cared since 2000

 **justice for nana:** same

 **morkle:** i sense a couple dispute taking place any second

 **is jeno a good kisser:** not a couple

 **is jeno a good kisser:** also i know what a joke looks like so…

 **innocent child:** but if you pretend to be mad you can get stuff in return

 **is jeno a good kisser:** except i’m not an exploitive ass

 **is jeno a good kisser:** if i wanted anything i could just ask because nice people get nice things happen to them in return

 **innocent child:** omg chill i was kidding

 **innocent child:** because i would 100% never do that myself

 **giant baby:** i can hear the sarcasm rolling off that message

 **morkle:** i think we should all go to bed and get some rest

 **morkle:** because god knows sm won’t give us many more napping opportunities now we've come back

 **nana our angel:** yeah don’t wear yourselves out

 **nana our angel:** go to sleep losers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit of a dull chapter lol sorry
> 
> Also I meant to upload this a bit earlier but I'm not sober and lost track of time oops. I promise you'll get a decent chapter within the next day~


	7. Bet on it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> giant baby: first you were tired and now you’re hungry get your life together hyung
> 
> morkle: i’m old and i’m suffering
> 
> it’s so tASTY: you need any help with that? ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> morkle (mark)  
> is jeno a good kisser (renjun)  
> justice for nana (jeno)  
> it's so tASTY (donghyuck)  
> nana our angel (jaemin)  
> innocent child (chenle)  
> giant baby (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **morkle:** i’m so fucking tired

 **innocent child:** then go back to sleep hyung

 **is jeno a good kisser:** since when have you cared so much

 **innocent child:** ???

 **innocent child:** i’m one of the nicest people in this chat wtf

 **it’s so tASTY:** y’all know that _i’m_ actually the nicest member

 **giant baby:** fake

 **it’s so tASTY:** well if my personality isn’t nice at least i look good

 **it’s so tASTY:** right mark?

 **morkle:** fishing for compliments i see

 **nana our angel:** wow hyuck got rejected

 **it’s so tASTY:** tbh i’m used to it

 **it’s so tASTY:** i get no love :(

 **morkle:** you get plenty omg chill

 **is jeno a good kisser:** hyuck stop being a drama queen

 **it’s so tASTY:** but that’s who i am :(

 **it’s so tASTY:** someone be nice to me

 **innocent child:** you’re alright

 **it’s so tASTY:** thx child

 **giant baby:** who the fuck is whining

 **morkle:** stop swearing

 **morkle:** but seriously who is whining

 **is jeno a good kisser:** some of us aren’t in the dorm so you’d better give updates

 **nana our angel:** then where tf are you

 **innocent child:** me and renjun are hanging out with sicheng

 **innocent child:** he’s buying us food

 **morkle:** damn i want food now

 **giant baby:** first you were tired and now you’re hungry get your life together hyung

 **morkle:** i’m old and i’m suffering

 **it’s so tASTY:** you need any help with that? ;)

 **giant baby:** WHO IS WHINING

 **nana our angel:** i could fucking guess based on who hasn’t actually messaged this chat today

 **nana our angel:** since evidently none of you assholes are going to check do you want me to come to the dorm?

 **giant baby:** just do it

 **innocent child:** why can’t mark or hyuck check he’s alive

 **morkle:** sorry i was having a minor breakdown it’s ok

 **is jeno a good kisser:** how tf is that ok?

 **morkle:** no seriously it was like excited panic dw

 **nana our angel:** about what?

 **it’s so tASTY:** hyung seriously can i help

 **innocent child:** nana when will you get to the dorm i need updates

 **nana our angel:** like 3 minutes

 **nana our angel:** is2g i better not be walking in on anything weird

 **giant baby:** ok but what’s going on with mark

 **morkle:** nothing

 **morkle:** i’m feeling gREAT

 **nana our angel:** i don’t believe that for a second

 **innocent child:** guys you’re all stressing renjun out and he’s ditching me and sicheng to check you’re all ok

 **morkle:** tell him he doesn’t have to worry about me i’m 100% ok

 **it’s so tASTY:** he’s probably more worried about jeno tbh

 **nana our angel:** speaking of which i’m here y’all

 **nana our angel:** god i can hear the fucking whining

 **giant baby:** you’re a hero nana

 **nana our angel:** i’m going in

 **nana our angel:** remember me

 **morkle:** chenle when will renjun be back?

 **innocent child:** we’re like 10 minutes from the dorm and he left a few minutes ago

 **innocent child:** he was really worried though >-<

 **giant baby:** young love  <3

 **it’s so tASTY:** nana what’s going on

 **it’s so tASTY:** i can hear him talking to jeno but idk what’s happening

 **morkle:** i’d go and check myself but y’know

 **nana our angel:** ok hi guys

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i’m stuck in traffic fffff

 **is jeno a good kisser:** pls tell me what’s up

 **nana our angel:** idk if he wants me to say

 **morkle:** tell him to fucking tell us himself then

 **justice for nana:** no

 **is jeno a good kisser:** …

 **is jeno a good kisser:** if you don’t tell me is2g as soon as i get back to the dorm i’m going to kick your ass

 **nana our angel:** he’s sulking now omg

 **nana our angel:** what’s happening is that he gave himself a fucking paper cut and somehow made himself sick and he’s on the fucking floor whining about his life

 **giant baby:** fucking exposed

 **innocent child:** that’s kind of funny omg

 **justice for nana:** stfu it’s embarrassing

 **it’s so tASTY:** what were you reading tf

 **it’s so tASTY:** i didn’t know you could read

 **justice for nana:** none of your business

 **nana our angel:** he’s got a filthy manga lol

 **giant baby:** EXPOSED

 **is jeno a good kisser:** this traffic is pissing me off so much

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i wish i could be there with you  >-<

 **justice for nana:** my hand fucking hurts

 **it’s so tASTY:** the one you got the paper cut on or the other one you were using? ;)

 **justice for nana:** I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT

 **morkle:** were you seriously reading filthy manga

 **nana our angel:** i’ll send pics of the fucking book if you don’t believe me

 **nana our angel:** it’s even got a nice bloodstain on it for proof

 **giant baby:** ok i think jeno is beating up nana

 **giant baby:** i hear screaming

 **it’s so tASTY:** i always knew jeno could make people scream

 **morkle:** i’m going to kick you from this fucking chat hyuck

 **it’s so tASTY:** would you like it better if i made you scream? ;)

_morkle removed it’s so tASTY from the chat_

**innocent child:** amazing

 **giant baby:** now mark is also screaming wtf

 **morkle:** now i’m having an actual breakdown

 **giant baby:** hmm

 **giant baby:** jeno i think you lost the bet

 **morkle:** ???

 **morkle:** bet?

 **giant baby:** let me guess

 **giant baby:** the reason for your breakdown is the person you just kicked from our chat?

 **is jeno a good kisser:** wtf is happening

 **morkle:** WHAT WERE YOU BETTING ON

 **justice for nana:** you know what jisung let him fucking have the win

 **justice for nana:** i just want to sleep forever i couldn’t care less about your money

 **innocent child:** jeno post screenshots so we know wtf is happening

 **justice for nana:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

 

(screenshot of private chat - jisungie)

 

 **jisungie:** hyung~

 **jisungie:** want to play a game?

 **you:** what is this, saw?

 **jisungie:** i already asked hyuck but i'll give all my month’s pocket money to whichever of you can get your other half flustered quickest in the chat

 **you:** (Unamused Face )

**you:** why

**jisungie:** fun

**jisungie:** and you know you want that (Money With Wings )

**you:** ok but we aren't a couple

 

* * *

 

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**justice for nana:**  and he asked hyuck to do the same with mark

**morkle:**  FUCK

**morkle:**  JISUNG I’M TELLING TAEYONG

**giant baby:**  NO I’M SORRY

_ morkle removed giant baby from the chat _

**is jeno a good kisser:**  were you reading that filthy manga to give you ideas of what to say to me

**justice for nana:**  no

**justice for nana:**  honey you’d know if i was flirting with you

**is jeno a good kisser:**  -_-

**innocent child:** this got so awkward

**is jeno a good kisser:**  well when you’ve cleaned up the blood, vomit and whatever else

**is jeno a good kisser:**  i want a fucking apology

**justice for nana:**  ?

**justice for nana:**  consider it done ;)

**morkle:**  WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

**nana our angel:**  alright well i better go then

**nana our angel:**  i’d rather not be here when _that_ goes down

**innocent child:**  i don't understand

**nana our angel:**  hyuck keeps messaging me and asking to put him back in the chat

**nana our angel:** he wants to know if he'll need noise cancelling headphones

**is jeno a good kisser:**  tell him to go fuck himself

**morkle:** don't encourage him

_ nana our angel added it's so tASTY & giant baby to the chat _

**morkle:**  you fucks better behave now you’re back

**it’s so tASTY:**  awww you added us back :)

**it’s so tASTY:**  so either we’re going to hear some fucking or some spanking, which one is it? ;)

_is jeno a good kisser removed it’s so tASTY from the chat_

**giant baby:**  dw i’ll be good hyung

**giant baby:**  as if i would give hyuck my money anyway

**innocent child:**  do i even want to google what spanking is

**is jeno a good kisser:**  you’ll live a happier and longer life if you don’t

**innocent child:**  off i go to google then (: (:

**nana our angel:**  it’s been so long since i’ve been here omg

**nana our angel:**  i’m hanging out with jisung so i don’t interrupt the couple when renjun turns up

**is jeno a good kisser:**  we’re not a fucking couple

**morkle:**  not yet

**is jeno a good kisser:**  touché

**is jeno a good kisser:**  also i’m home finally

**is jeno a good kisser:**  jeno are you decent

**justice for nana:**  what kind of fucking question is that

**justice for nana:**  ofc i am

**justice for nana:**  not sure what kind of apology you want but i’m here

**morkle:**  you two be careful

**is jeno a good kisser:** i’m not taming a fucking lion chill

**nana our angel:**  hyuck said “both of them bite though”

**nana our angel:**  he’s hanging out with me and jisung since you kicked him

**justice for nana:**  i don’t fucking bite

**justice for nana:**  that bitch

**nana our angel:**  he says you would if renjun asked you to

**justice for nana:**  actually kick him irl

**justice for nana:**  both of you

**giant baby:**  your wish is my command :)

**morkle:**  i can actually hear him screaming from here omg

**innocent child:**  i’m the only one not there :(

**nana our angel:**  for once i’m actually here

_ giant baby added it’s so tASTY to the chat _

**giant baby:**  i didn’t do that hyuck tackled me and stole my phone

**it’s so tASTY:**  i’m going to have permanent bruising from this abuse

**morkle:**  good you fucking deserve it

**it’s so tASTY:**  maybe next time you could do it instead ;)

**it’s so tASTY:**  or maybe you want to see all the bruises ;)

**morkle:**  i am _this_ fucking close to kicking you again

**it’s so tASTY:**  *pouts*

**it’s so tASTY:** i’m only teasing you

**nana our angel:**  really we couldn’t tell

**it’s so tASTY:**  hyung i’m sorry can we cuddle it out

**morkle:**  later maybe

**morkle:**  i was going to have a shower

**morkle:** DON’T SAY ANYTHING WEIRD ABOUT THAT IS2G I WILL KICK YOU

**it’s so tASTY:**  ok i’ll behave

**nana our angel:**  literally mark you’re the only person who can control this shit

**nana our angel:**  tell us your ways

**it’s so tASTY:**  you give me kisses, i play nice :)

**giant baby:**  and apparently mark hyung is the only person he’ll act genuinely cute for

**morkle:**  anyway i’m leaving for my shower

**morkle:** don’t take any ideas from exo hyungs and please don’t break into the bathroom

**it’s so tASTY:**  i would??? never??? fake???

**it’s so tASTY:** think of me while you’re gone :) :)

**nana our angel:**  because you like it when he thinks about you while naked

**it’s so tASTY:**  your words not mine

**innocent child:**  so what happened to jeno and renjun?

**innocent child:**  they went quiet

**giant baby:**  if you think i’m going to peek then think again bitch

**nana our angel:**  they’re probably just cuddling again lbr

**it’s so tASTY:** but when i’m having cuddles i have the decency to open the group chat

**giant baby:**  then they’re kissing

**giant baby:**  or making out

**innocent child:**  ew gross

**innocent child:**  one of you listen through the wall with a glass or something

**giant baby:**  if you’re so desperate to hear them making out then come home and listen in yourself bitch

**innocent child:**  loOK

**innocent child:**  as a painfully single i get sad at other people being in love

**giant baby:**  omg same

**it’s so tASTY:** why don’t you assholes date then

**innocent child:**  why don’t you pick the bathroom lock if you’re so desperate to see mark naked

**it’s so tASTY:**  ok but i can’t be bothered

**nana our angel:**  that could be interpreted as you saying mark isn’t worth the effort lol

**it’s so tASTY:** doN’T YOU MISQUOTE ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: blood stains on paper look pretty nasty once they've dried. Take it from the girl who nearly ruined her fave Star Wars book with a nosebleed.


	8. Relationship real talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morkle: alright fuckwits listen up
> 
> nana our angel: that’s one way to make an entrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> morkle (mark)  
> is jeno a good kisser (renjun)  
> justice for nana (jeno)  
> it's so tASTY (donghyuck)  
> nana our angel (jaemin)  
> innocent child (chenle)  
> giant baby (jisung)
> 
> Disclaimer: I wrote this on Jaemin's birthday which is why they're talking about his birthday. Pretend that it's still August for the sake of this chapter lol
> 
> Disclaimer 2: This is the first semi-serious chapter? Relationship talk etc. ahead!

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **justice for nana:** reading through the messages you assholes sent while i was gone reminded me why you were all assholes

 **it's so tASTY:** ok but did your “apology” go well? ;)

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i have no complaints

 **innocent child:** shit jisung i think our bet about who would go first was wrong

 **giant baby:** if they did then they were really quiet

 **justice for nana:** i will shank you

 **justice for nana:** your stupid bet is still on

 **nana our angel:** i'm not convinced

 **is jeno a good kisser:** i’m not ready for that yet

 **is jeno a good kisser:** you're pressuring me and i don't like it

 **morkle:** guys i know you're playing around but knock it off for now

 **innocent child:** i didn't mean to make you sad

 **is jeno a good kisser:** it's fine just move on

 **nana our angel:** ok new topic

 **nana our angel:** it’s my birthday :) :)

 **it’s so tASTY:** happy birthday bitch :)

 **morkle:** pretty sure most of us have already wished you a happy birthday in advance but hb bro

 **nana our angel:** thanks guys

 

* * *

 

(private chat - jeno)

 

 **jeno:** mark hyung can i confide in you?

 **jeno:** because i need to talk to someone i can trust

 **you:** sure, what’s up?

 **jeno:** alright i’m going to type a really long para so bear with me a few mins

 **jeno:** me and renjun went out because we were going to surprise nana and turn up at the rookie dorms to hang out with him, but all the messages from the group chat about you-know-what was getting him stressed. basically he started panicking and i took him to the 127 dorm instead because it was closer. he’s been talking to sicheng hyung for like ten minutes now and i’m really worried. i’m just waiting outside the room with tea. i’m worried because the whole thing with me and him is kind of scary and neither of us really know what we’re doing. we’re not dating because we know what the consequences will be if we’re caught. we’ve not even done much more than kissing, cuddling and the occasional making out just because he doesn’t want to do anything too fast that he’ll regret. i don’t blame him, especially since i feel the same, but with all the teasing in the group chat he feels really under pressure that he _should_ be doing things like that. and it’s killing me to see him so uncomfortable. idk what i need to do hyung.

 **jeno:** ok i’m done

 **you:** holy shit jeno

 **you:** god idk what i can suggest

 **you:** would it help if i told you a bit about my experiences with hyuck? they’re oddly similar

 **jeno:** please, anything

 **you:** we’re not dating for the exact same reason. he knows that if we got caught that i’d suffer the consequences much worse than he would and he told me he doesn’t want that to happen. and much like your situation, we don’t plan to get any more intimate yet. hyuck keeps telling me that he’s still young and he’d rather wait until he’s older and wiser before we agree to do anything that would have long-term consequences. because once that happens, if anything goes wrong and we fall out we’ve still got to be members with each other. at least now we can just be playing around. but if we get serious, who knows what the future will throw at us that will try and makes us drift apart.

 **you:** all i can suggest is that you talk to him. you both seem to have similar insecurities and maybe talking will help him feel more comfortable with you. i’ll do my best to tell the others to leave you two alone, but i’m not sure i can actually do anything else to help.

 **jeno:** thank you so much hyung, i’ll talk to him when i get a chance. i’m just so scared, you know?

 **jeno:** i’ll read through the group chat now. i’ll leave you to do what you do best - lead them.

 **you:** :)

* * *

 

 (group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **morkle:** alright fuckwits listen up

 **nana our angel:** that’s one way to make an entrance

 **morkle:** look i’m going to serious talk now

 **morkle:** you guys need to fucking chill about the whole “omg did you guys fuck omg” with every single fucking interaction that me and hyuck/jeno and renjun make

 **morkle:** i won’t reveal every detail but i’ve been talking to jeno on pm and he was telling me that renjun really isn’t fucking ok with you guys harassing them

 **morkle:** i know you’re playing around and teasing but fucking chill please

 **giant baby:** ok hyung i get that maybe we’re being insensitive but i don’t think we can really stop making jokes like that all together

 **giant baby:** we’re teenagers

 **morkle:** i get that but if you want to harass someone then you can harass _me_

 **morkle:** but leave off renjun for a bit please

 **nana our angel:** is he ok?

 **nana our angel:** i didn’t mean to upset him :(

 **justice for nana:** idk he wasn’t when i was with him 15 mins ago

 **innocent child:** tell him i’m sorry!!!

 **it’s so tASTY:** same :( i was just playing

 **justice for nana:** i think he’s just having a bad time at the moment but i’ll try get him alright again

 **justice for nana:** mark hyung i think we’re staying here tonight if that’s ok?

 **morkle:** of course

 **morkle:** look after him

 **justice for nana:** i will

 **nana our angel:** i feel guilty now

 **morkle:** tbh nana it wasn’t really you making the jokes in the first place so don’t worry yourself

 **it’s so tASTY:** we should have an early night probably

 **nana our angel:** guys you should come and hang out with me tomorrow

 **innocent child:** we should! it’s been so long

 **giant baby:** i’m in

 **morkle:** family reunion :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sad.
> 
> But consider this: JeJun staying at the 127 and having comforting cuddles. Sicheng goes to check up on them in the night and sees them fast asleep and cuddling, and he can't help but smile at the young love. In the morning, all of 127 know and are ready to greet the pair at breakfast. They make food for the two boys and make a fuss over them, but don't ask if they're a couple.
> 
> ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I love JeJun!!! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ


	9. Chaos™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tell sm to re-debut me: conspiracy theory: sm are running mark’s account and the real mark lee is in a basement somewhere living off instant ramen, watching us all suffer
> 
> papi: i wish i was in a fucking basement eating instant ramen so i could have a fucking break for once in my damn life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> morkle (mark)  
> is jeno a good kisser (renjun)  
> justice for nana (jeno)  
> it's so tASTY (donghyuck)  
> nana our angel (jaemin)  
> innocent child (chenle)  
> giant baby (jisung)
> 
> Disclaimer: It was still Nana's birthday when I wrote this lol, so they talk about it being his bday.

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **innocent child:** morning everyone :)

 **innocent child:** so you’ll never guess what i just saw

 **nana our angel:** spill the tea sweetie :) :)

 **it’s so tASTY:** omg is there drama?

 **innocent child:** me and jisung got up early to play video games in the lounge and we totally caught two people sneaking back into the dorm

 **giant baby:** you bet we did

 **morkle:** well? they do live here? why are you surprised?

 **giant baby:** i’m glad you asked hyung :)

 **nana our angel:** somehow i sense this is going to get deeper

 **giant baby:** we confronted them to apologise and stuff

 **innocent child:** because we’re good people

 **giant baby:** basically i saw something i probably shouldn’t have while i was talking to them

 **giant baby:** aka hickeys

 **it’s so tASTY:** whAT

 **morkle:** SERIOUSLY?

 **innocent child:** well _i_  saw them and i asked them why they had bruises and they just looked really guilty and left

 **giant baby:** and i had to explain why to him lol

 **nana our angel:** WHERE ARE THEY NOW

 **it’s so tASTY:** i think i hear them in their room

 **morkle:** don’t make a big deal over this

 **nana our angel:** honey you’re as curious as we are

 **justice for nana:** ok wtf did i miss

 **it’s so tASTY:** scroll up :)

 **justice for nana:** idk if i want to tbh

 **nana our angel:** the maknaes say you and your bf have hickeys

 **justice for nana:** tf

 **justice for nana:** first of all we’re not dating

 **justice for nana:** second of all that’s none of your business tbh

 **morkle:** jeno they’re not going to make a big deal about it

 **it’s so tASTY:** don’t believe mark he’s as curious as we are

 **morkle:** fuck you

 **is jeno a good kisser:** hi everyone

 **innocent child:** my fave person returns!!!

 **giant baby:** um wtf chenle

 **innocent child:** sorry for making you sad btw

 **is jeno a good kisser:** it’s fine dw

 **is jeno a good kisser:** and i heard everyone else’s apologies so don’t stress yourselves

 **nana our angel:** ok but the hickeys

 **is jeno a good kisser:** what about them

 **it’s so tASTY:** fsdgdsfa

 **it’s so tASTY:** that’s basically a confirmation

 **justice for nana:** well if he’s comfortable talking then i guess i am too

 **justice for nana:** they’re just hickeys chill

 **morkle:** i’m glad you two are ok :)

 **justice for nana:** me too hyung

 **nana our angel:** you guys are too cute wtf

 **is jeno a good kisser:** and before anyone asks

 **is jeno a good kisser:** no we didn’t

 **is jeno a good kisser:** it was just a bit of fun

 **giant baby:** no dw hyung we’re on our best behaviour for you

 **it’s so tASTY:** we’re being good for you

 **is jeno a good kisser:** you guys :)

 **innocent child:** hmm i think we should have another name change

 **morkle:** ok but who’s in charge of the name changes this time?

 **morkle:** i can’t be bothered tbh i don’t know about anyone else though

 **nana our angel:** i volunteer as tribute

 **is jeno a good kisser:** oh god

 **nana our angel:** fear not children

 **nana our angel:** you are safe in my care :)

 **justice for nana:** that sounds fake but ok

_nana our angel changed morkle’s nickname to papi_

_nana our angel changed is jeno a good kisser’s nickname to loved up_

_nana our angel changed justice for nana’s nickname to blondie_

_nana our angel changed it’s so tASTY’s nickname to yes homo_

_nana our angel changed their own nickname to i’m not coming back back back_

_i’m not coming back back back changed innocent child’s nickname to google is your friend_

_i’m not coming back back back changed giant baby’s nickname to blueberry_

**yes homo:** finally a name i can get behind

 **yes homo:** thank you nana :)

 **i’m not coming back back back:** np homo :)

 **papi:** jaemin your name is too fucking long

 **blondie:** plus :( we want you back

 **i’m not coming back back back:** alright fine

_i’m not coming back back back changed their own nickname to tell sm to re-debut me_

**tell sm to re-debut me:** better?

 **papi:** it’ll do

 **papi:** and why you gotta have so many dad-like names for me

 **papi:** i’m less than a year older than our next oldest leave me alone

 **blondie:** obviously he’s just respecting f(x)

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** well  _someone_ has to respect them…

 **loved up:** i am  _not_ loved up

 **google is your friend:** you are though

 **blueberry:** these are a+ names

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** thank you child

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** although i have to say nothing will be as good as when mark was renamed as “dream daddy”

 **blondie:** what can i say i’m the king of nicknames

 **papi:** i have an idea

 **papi:** we should add one of the members or one of the smrookies and see if they can figure out who’s who

 **yes homo:** and then kick them?

 **papi:** yes

 **blueberry:** who do we add though

 **papi:** i know exactly who ;)

_papi added johnny to the chat_

**johnny:** ok wtf is this

 **blondie:** should i explain

 **papi:** fire away

 **blondie:** hi johnny hyung and welcome to the dreamies group chat

 **blondie:** this is only temporary btw

 **johnny:** i have many questions

 **johnny:** but hi

_johnny changed their own nickname to jhonny_

**jhonny:** why am i here

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** basically we’re bored and we wanted to see if an outsider could identify us by our shitty new nicknames

 **jhonny:** that’s it?

 **papi:** you bet

 **jhonny:** ok well i assume papi is my bro mark lee

 **jhonny:** and “tell sm to re-debut me”... hb bro ;)

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** thanks hyung

 **blueberry:** two down, five to go

 **jhonny:** you guys have some amazing nicknames wtf

 **jhonny:** the 127 chat doesn’t even come this close

 **papi:** tbh most of our nicknames come from jeno in here but nana contributed them today

 **jhonny:** is blueberry the maknae

 **blueberry:** fuc

 **jhonny:** i’m guessing a few of these are context related lol

 **jhonny:** blondie is jeno?

 **blondie:** hi

 **loved up:** ok i’d just like to say i don’t approve of my name

 **google is your friend:** do i win if he guesses me wrong?

 **yes homo:** i’ll fight you if you win and i don’t

 **jhonny:** wow your group chat is competitive

 **papi:** tell me about it

 **jhonny:** which members have i not guessed yet

 **blondie:** renjun, hyuck and chenle

 **jhonny:** yes homo is donghyuck i assume

 **yes homo:** what makes you think that

 **jhonny:** you’re competitive as fuck and you’re the gayest out of those three

 **yes homo:** fuck off hyung

 **jhonny:** i’ll tell ty you said that :)

 **yes homo:** idgaf

 **papi:** hyuck stfu for once in your goddamn life

 **yes homo:** ok bby

 **jhonny:** ??? how ???

 **blondie:** they gay

 **yes homo:** HONEY I HADN’T NOTICED

 **google is your friend:** anyway

 **jhonny:** honestly i don’t care who the last two are no offence

 **jhonny:** you’re pleasant enough even without me knowing who you are

 **loved up:** fair enough

 **jhonny:** can i go now

 **papi:** alright fine loser

_papi removed jhonny from the chat_

**google is your friend:** so me and renjun won?

 **google is your friend:** what’s the prize?

 **papi:** the prize is you get to live another day

 **google is your friend:** i feel cheated

 **yes homo:** hoes i’m boreeeeed

 **blondie:** who tf are you calling a hoe

 **yes homo:** someone come up with something fun to do or i’ll leave the chat

 **blueberry:** nobody do anything

 **blueberry:** we can get rid of him without even doing anything

 **yes homo:** stfu you overrated meme

 **papi:** ok kids let’s turn down the insults for now

 **loved up:** “for now”

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** we be nice to him now, then kick his ass later

 **blondie:** preferably we kick that ass _hard_

 **yes homo:** you would dare damage a work of art?

 **blondie:** really? a work of art? if i’d seen something as great as that, i think i’d have noticed

 **blueberry:** holy shit hyung

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** yeS JENO MY MAN

 **yes homo:** you fucking burned me omg

 **yes homo:** i should leave to regain my dignity

 **google is your friend:** or just leave and let us have a good time for once

 **loved up:** CHENLE

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** THIS CHAT IS GETTING LIT

 **yes homo:** guys :’(

 **blueberry:** nobody cares :)

 **yes homo:** alright you shits

 **yes homo:** you fucking asked for this

_yes homo added taeyong to the chat_

**yes homo:** hyung i’m being bullied

 **taeyong:** ironic

 **taeyong:** you’re usually the one bullying people in group chats

 **yes homo:** i

 **papi:** finally someone who understands my turmoil

 **blueberry:** ty hyung we’ve been being disrespected!

 **taeyong:** whine to mark, not me

 **taeyong:** he’s in charge of you babies

_taeyong left the chat_

**blondie:** you really thought that would help hyuck?

 **yes homo:** LOOK

 **blondie:** you want me to look for this fake "work of art"? since you can’t seem to locate it yourself

 **google is your friend:** wOW

_yes homo left the chat_

**papi:** ok i think we went too far this time

 **loved up:** _you think?_

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** nah it was 100% worth it lbr

 **blueberry:** nobody add him back

 **blondie:** he’s already sending me messages asking for me to add him back lol

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** why does he keep leaving if he just wants to be added back

 **google is your friend:** because he’s a drama queen

 **blondie:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

  

(screenshot of private chat - hyuck)

 

 **hyuck:** PLEASE ADD ME BACK

 **hyuck:** I’M NOT EVEN MAD ABOUT YOU DISSING ME

 **hyuck:** PLEASE

 **you:** you literally left and now you want me to put you back

 **you:** if you wanted to be in the chat so bad you wouldn’t have left  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**hyuck:**  IT WAS FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT

**hyuck:**  you know what

**hyuck:**  blackmail time bitch

**hyuck:**  i have more shit i can send to renjun if you don’t add me back

**you:**  why should i care

**you:**  we’ve established that i like him already

**you:**  also you promised mark you wouldn’t do this shit again

**you:**  you don’t even have anything you can use against me anymore (Relieved Face )

**hyuck:**  bitch you thought

 

* * *

(group chat - nct nightmare)

  


**blondie:**  i’m fucking tired of this shit

**papi:**  i’m having déjà vu

**loved up:**  and i’m not going to bother opening the seven picture messages he’s sent me

**blueberry:**  aw :( but the drama :(

**blueberry:**  there’s been literally no drama recently and i’m starting to miss it :(

**tell sm to re-debut me:** yh what’s the point of a group chat if there’s no drama

**blondie:**  you know what open them

**blondie:**  he has nothing on me anymore

**blondie:**  how bad can it be

**papi:**  famous last words

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  i’ll personally engrave that into your gravestone

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  “how bad can it be” - lee jeno, 2k17

**blondie:**  if you put fucking 2k17 on my grave i’ll come back from the dead and haunt your ass

**blueberry:**  hyung if i was you i’d haunt a better ass than that one tbh

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  fuCKIN RUDE

**loved up:** ok losers i’m opening the pictures

**loved up:**  brace yourselves

**google is your friend:**  don’t you dare remove yourself from the chat this time though

**google is your friend:**  we need to see you suffer

**papi:**  i’m counting how long it takes before it all kicks off

**blueberry:**  finally hyung is being useful

**papi:**  says the guy who got two lines in our last song

**blueberry:**  look

**papi:**  look for your own fucking lines park jisung

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  mark just so you know i’m applauding you in real life right now

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  the hyungs in the rookie dorm are looking at me funny

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  but i don’t care because that was iconic

**papi:**  don’t hype me just because you want to rejoin dream and rejoin the one line club :)

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  dfhjksgdf

**google is your friend:**  if i ever said you weren’t a cool hyung i lied

**blondie:**  i’m low-key scared about the hyuck situation though

**blueberry:**  tell your bf to hurry up looking at those pics

**blueberry:**  i’m thirsty for some tea

**loved up:**  jisung shut the fuck up

**loved up:**  he’s not my boyfriend we discussed this

**google is your friend:**  sure jan

**papi:**  who tf showed chenle memes

**blondie:**  HEY CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT MEMES FOR A SECOND

**loved up:**  so you want to know what those pictures were, right?

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  is it just me or does that message sound threatening

**blueberry:**  needs more emojis

**papi:**  so go watch the shitty emoji movie

**blueberry:**  is it acceptable to ask someone on a date to watch the emoji movie

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  JISUNG NO

**blueberry:**  JISUNG YES

**blondie:**  guys shut the fuck up for once

**papi:** what, and have no lines like you?

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  DFGLHKGHS HYUNG

**blondie:**  ok mark lee who shit in your cereal

**google is your friend:**  is that an actual phrase

**loved up:**  chenle i swear if i hear you saying that in a normal conversation

**blueberry:**  but seriously i want to hear this drama too

**blondie:**  thank the fuck

**blondie:**  yes i want to know what satan sent you

**loved up:**  good to know

**blondie:**  nO DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING

**google is your friend:**  renjun send me the pics by dm i want to see

**loved up:**  go ask hyuck and maybe he’ll send them

**blondie:**  N O

**papi:**  you kids better not be sharing nudes

**google is your friend:**  remember when i said you were cool? i take it back hyung

**loved up:**  they’re not fucking nudes

**loved up:**  you really think hyuck would sink that low

**blueberry:**  yes

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  yes

**papi:**  yes

**blondie:**  I HOPE THE FUCK NOT

**blondie:**  fyi there’s no way in hell he could do that because i for one have never taken a nude

**blondie:**  i’m in the clear now, right?

**papi:**  you’re making yourself sound more suspicious with each message

**blondie:**  FUCK YOU MARK LEE I’M BEING HONEST

**blueberry:**  honest more like stan honeyst

_ papi removed blueberry from the chat _

**google is your friend:**  ;-;

**papi:**  NO PROMOING ARTISTS THAT AREN’T ON OUR LABEL

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  conspiracy theory: sm are running mark’s account and the real mark lee is in a basement somewhere living off instant ramen, watching us all suffer

**papi:**  i wish i was in a fucking basement eating instant ramen so i could have a fucking break for once in my damn life

**blondie:**  what happened to the mark lee who yelled at us whenever we swore?

**papi:**  i’m him but stronger

**papi:**  this is my final evolution

**papi:**  i stayed awake for three days in a row and this is who i am now

**blondie:**  WHAT ARE THE PICTURES

**loved up:**  ask me nicer :)

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  see i told you he was going for a threatening tone

**blondie:**  the love of my life :) please tell me what the fuck lee donghyuck sent you this time from his corner of hell :)

**google is your friend:**  somehow i don’t think that was what he wanted

**loved up:**  hmm

**loved up:**  did i say they were pictures? i meant videos. he sent me seven videos. have fun guessing what they are :)

**blondie:**  W H A T

**google is your friend:**  can i add jisung back

**papi:** since when do you ask my permission for anything?

**google is your friend:**  good point

_ google is your friend added blueberry to the chat _

**blueberry:**  any developments guys?

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  we’ve established they’re seven  _videos_  not seven pictures

**blueberry:**  omg

**blueberry:** but we don’t know what the videos are of yet?

**blondie:**  well we WOULD if renjun would kindly enlighten us :)

**loved up:**  you want enlightenment?

_ loved up added yes homo to the chat _

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  fuck i thought we got rid of that one

**yes homo:**  bitch i didn’t forget to read in the past half hour

**yes homo:**  i can still see you insulting me

**blondie:**  how is this helping

**yes homo:**  i’ve been told i’m a very helpful person

**papi:**  by who? pinocchio?

**yes homo:**  ok who broke mark

**blueberry:**  you, probably

**blondie:**  this is the most anti-productive group chat in existence

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  literally jeno no one is listening

**loved up:**  i reckon they’d listen if i posted those videos in here

**blondie:**  WHAT NO

**blondie:**  I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE YET

**blondie:**  AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME TIME TO MENTALLY PREPARE

**google is your friend:**  oooo do we finally get to see them?

**loved up:**  hyuck do you have any similar videos of other people? i’m curious

**yes homo:**  i have some pretty amusing videos of tiny jisung

**blueberry:**  when the heck were you filming me

**yes homo:**  and obviously every video of mark i have is very cringy

**yes homo:**  but the videos i sent you are the best ones :)

**blondie:**  STOP TORMENTING ME

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  post! those! vids!

**loved up:**  well you asked for it

**loved up:**   _[video attached]_

**loved up:**  there’s one for you lot to enjoy :)

**blueberry:**  holy shit hyung what are you wearing

**papi:**  wait i remember this fuck

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  SNSD ARE S H A K I N G

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  JENO ENDED SNSD

**blondie:**  shuT UP

**google is your friend:**  you’re a really good dancer, hyung!

**yes homo:**  i told y’all that i wasn’t the only one who looked good in a dress

**blondie:**  RENJUN WHY DID YOU POST IT

**loved up:**  because it’s really cute

**loved up:**  and also you’re pretty cute when you’re flustered

**blondie:**  o/////o

**papi:**  fuck i ship it too guys

**blueberry:**  let’s all welcome mark hyung to the ss jejun

**tell sm to re-debut me:** didn’t renjun say there were  _seven_  videos?

**loved up:**  correct

**loved up:**  the other six are similar but with different songs

**loved up:**  they’re still cute though :)

**google is your friend:**  renjun stop making the group chat soft

**google is your friend:**  bring back the drama

**blueberry:**  oh shit i’ve got some tea i can spill

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  we’re listening :)

**papi:**  remember when it was nana exposing us all

**papi:**  he’s passing it on to the kiddies now

**blueberry:**  who tf are you calling a kid

**blueberry:**  anyway i wanted to expose one of us as a SNAKE

**yes homo:**  oh sHIT EXPOSE THAT BITCH

**blueberry:**  well i know which of you guys was the real culprit of the great bathroom mirror scandal of 2017

**blondie:**  all offence why are you making it sound like someone committed a murder

**blueberry:**  because that SNAKE let us throw blame and sat back while we named the nct dream dorm ghost as the culprit

**blueberry:**  as an amateur ghostologist i can tell you guys that ghosts are bullshit

**papi:**  stop swearing or i swear to god i’ll put you to bed early

**loved up:**  so we’re ignoring the fact that there’s no such thing as a ghostologist then

**google is your friend:**  actually for once jisung is right lol

**google is your friend:**  i googled it

**yes homo:**  and if google confirms jisung’s bullshit then it  _must_  be true

**blueberry:**  i guess you don’t want to know who broke the mirror then :’(

**tell sm to re-debut me:**  tbh i don’t give a shit because it clearly wasn’t me but spill the tea kid

**blueberry:**  it was jeno and donghyuck

**blueberry:**  partners in crime ;)

**blondie:**  WHOEVER TOLD YOU IT WAS ME IS FUCKING WITH YOU

**yes homo:**  yeah it was obviously the nct dream dorm ghost

**yes homo:**  it couldn’t possibly have been me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And "the great bathroom mirror scandal of 2017" will be continued in the next chapter. Stay tuned to find out who was responsible for the murder~
> 
>  
> 
> PREVIEW:
> 
>  
> 
> judge papi: ok everyone welcome to the nct dream court!
> 
> ass attorney: don’t sound so excited, you’re on minimum wage


	10. Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loved up: alright bitch calm down
> 
> loved up: you’re not actually phoenix wright, you can chill a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> papi (mark)  
> loved up (renjun)  
> blondie (jeno)  
> yes homo (donghyuck)  
> tell sm to re-debut me (jaemin)  
> google is your friend (chenle)  
> blueberry (jisung)
> 
> Disclaimer: The chapter is pure crack. I got far too carried away with the mock criminal case thing. Turns out that playing Phoenix Wright and Dangan Ronpa has an impression on you ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **papi:** alright let’s assess this incident properly

 **papi:** we’ll have a mock-criminal hearing in this chat

 **papi:** who believes it was jeno and donghyuck?

 **google is your friend:** me because jisung said it so i trust him

 **blueberry:** bae :’)

 **papi:** chenle you’re the prosecution

 **papi:** you’ve got to prove it was them

 **google is your friend:** got it

 **papi:** jaemin since you are uninvolved in this mess can you be the defence?

 **tell sm to re-debut me:** of course ;)

_tell sm to re-debut me changed their nickname to ass attorney_

**yes homo:** i don’t want that shit to defend me

 **ass attorney:** look i didn’t think i could fit “phoenix wright bi attorney” just put up with it

_blueberry changed google is your friend’s nickname to proseCUTE (•`ω´•)_

**proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** !!! i love my name !!!

_blueberry changed yes homo’s nickname to guilty_

_blueberry changed blondie’s nickname to in denial_

**guilty:** YOU CAN’T PASS JUDGEMENT BEFORE THE COURT MAKES ITS DECISION

 **papi:** change hyuck’s name to something else jisung

 **blueberry:** you guys suck

_blueberry changed guilty’s nickname to you can’t lie to your heart_

**you can’t lie to your heart:** do i have to put up with this shitty nickname now?

 **loved up:** can we just get on with this dumb trial asap

_papi changed their nickname to judge papi_

**judge papi:** ok everyone welcome to the nct dream court!

 **ass attorney:** don’t sound so excited, you’re on minimum wage

 **judge papi:** attorney na i am respectfully asking you to behave or i will kick you out of this court (chat)

 **judge papi:** today we see two individuals on trial for the brutal murder of the nct dream dorm bathroom mirror, which took place in july 2017

 **judge papi:** i invite prosecutor zhong to call his first witness

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** oh wow ok

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** jisung!!!

 **blueberry:** hi

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** what now

 **judge papi:** ask him what he saw and stuff

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** ok

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** jisung what did you see on the night of the murder?

 **blueberry:** well i heard a noise coming from the bathroom and i decided to see what it was

 **blueberry:** and i saw hyuck and jeno throwing shit at each other? and one of them broke the mirror

 **judge papi:** attorney na, you may cross-examine

 **ass attorney:** jisung when you say they were throwing “shit” around the bathroom… clarify for _all_ our sakes

 **blueberry:** oh no i didn’t mean actual feces lol

 **blueberry:** idk i saw hyuck throw a towel at jeno and then jeno threw a toilet roll at him

 **ass attorney:** and you say you saw the mirror break? who was the person who broke the mirror?

 **blueberry:** probably hyuck

 **judge papi:** but only “probably”?

 **blueberry:** look they were chucking shit and the mirror broke, i think it’s obvious they were responsible

 **judge papi:** alright so we’ve clarified jisung was at the dorm and supposedly witnessed the murder

 **judge papi:** attorney na can you identify the whereabouts of the other members?

 **ass attorney:** i sure can :)

 **ass attorney:** renjun where were you on the night of the murder?

 **loved up:** oh is it my turn now?

 **ass attorney:** answer the question

 **loved up:** alright bitch calm down

 **loved up:** you’re not actually phoenix wright, you can chill a bit

 **judge papi:** play along for the sake of us all

 **loved up:** i don’t get why i have to answer when jaemin already knows where i was that night

 **blueberry:** oh shit i sense some drama

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** wait did jeno’s two hoes hook up

 **in denial:** what the fuck ^^

 **in denial:** i don’t have any hoes fyi and i resent you referring to my friends as that

 **judge papi:** quiet in the court!!!!!

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** you didn’t resent it that much when i changed their nicknames in the group chat to side hoe and main hoe, did you?

 **blueberry:** the criminals are turning against each other!

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** renjun where actually  _were_ you then when the mirror incident happened?

 **loved up:** if you lot stop making a big deal out of nothing, i’ll explain

 **loved up:** i was at the rookie dorm with jaemin, having tea with my two china line buddies there

 **judge papi:** jaemin can you testify that he was with you?

 **ass attorney:** yes i can

 **ass attorney:** hey jeno where were you when the mirror broke?

 **in denial:** i thought jisung had told you his bullshit story and told you where i was

 **ass attorney:** oh my god this is like pulling teeth

 **ass attorney:** WERE YOU IN THE DORM THAT NIGHT

 **ass attorney:** YES OR NO

 **in denial:** yes

 **ass attorney:** and were you in the bathroom, throwing “shit” at hyuck

 **in denial:** i was in the bathroom, yes

 **judge papi:** anyone else losing the will to live here?

 **in denial:** we weren’t throwing shit

 **in denial:** jisung is a liar

 **blueberry:** SAY THAT TO MY FACE, MIDGET

 **loved up:** then what were you doing in the bathroom?

 **in denial:** it’s kind of weird

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** i’m suspicious now…

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** if you won’t tell them then i guess i’ll have to

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** we were doing a dramatic rendition of goblin with nearby objects as the sword and other misc stuff

 **ass attorney:** who was kim shin

 **in denial:** me

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** and i modified the plot so it included chucking the sword back at him once i pulled it out of him

 **judge papi:** and i’m guessing you threw the “sword” at the bathroom mirror

 **in denial:** no he threw it at jisung when he saw him watching us

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** what were you using as the sword?

 **blueberry:** a manky toilet brush

 **ass attorney:** ah HAH HE _DID_ KNOW MORE ABOUT THE MURDER

 **in denial:** wait til he tells you what he did once he’d caught the toilet brush

 **loved up:** i can guess

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** jisung?

 **blueberry:** i threw it back at them…

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** and missed

 **judge papi:** CASE CLOSED

 **judge papi:** JISUNG WAS THE MIRROR MURDERER

 **ass attorney:** boy you sure were enthusiastic about ending this mess

 **blueberry:** alright fine it was me

 **blueberry:** at least i proved we don’t have a dorm ghost

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** we do and his name is na jaemin

 **ass attorney:** RUDE

_loved up changed ass attorney’s nickname to ghost type_

**ghost type:** i hate you all

 **judge papi:** wow #throwback to the pokémon convo

 **you can’t lie to your heart:** can someone please change the names because mine is too fucking long

 **proseCUTE (•`ω´•):** i like my name though :(

_you can’t lie to your heart changed their own nickname to mr. meme_

**mr. meme:** someone more creative do the others

 **in denial:** alright  _fine_

_in denial changed their own nickname to super effective puns_

_super effective puns changed judge papi’s nickname to fried hair = electric type_

_super effective puns changed loved up’s nickname to rj used charm!_

_super effective puns changed proseCUTE (•`ω´•)’s nickname to lefairy (•`ω´•)_

_super effective puns changed blueberry’s name to magikarp_

**fried hair = electric type:** fuck you too

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** thank you hyung! this name is as good as the last one!

 **super effective puns:** precious child :’)

 **magikarp:** how dare you

 **mr. meme:** i’ve just noticed magikarp has all the right letters to spell mark :)

 **fried hair = electric type:** doN’T YOU DARE

 **ghost type:** also has all the letters for “park” as in jisUNG PARK

 **super effective puns:** see? that was 101% the reason for it

 **magikarp:** bullshit

 **fried hair = electric type:** don’t swear omg

_fried hair = electric type changed their nickname to fried hair™_

_fried hair™ changed magikarp’s nickname to disrespectful child_

**fried hair™:** perfect

 **disrespectful child:** you hyungs suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to post a chapter a day but I'm running out of chapters I've already written and I'm trying to come up with more creative ideas.
> 
> I start uni on Sunday and that week will be my Freshers Week, but I intend to keep writing when I get ideas. Maybe I'll do a chapter every couple of days after this one. Let me know, and if anyone has any creative ideas I'm more than willing to receive them!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and the lovely comments! I'm glad that this hot mess of a fic is making people happy ^^


	11. High School Musical discord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> super effective puns: yeah but troy is still hot
> 
> rj used charm!: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHETHER HE’S HOT OR NOT, HE’S AN *ASSHOLE*
> 
> disrespectful child: YES THANK YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> fried hair™ (mark)  
> rj used charm! (renjun)  
> super effective puns (jeno)  
> mr. meme (donghyuck)  
> ghost type (jaemin)  
> lefairy (•`ω´•) (chenle)  
> disrespectful child (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **fried hair™:** the HECK do you mean you think troy bolton isn’t hot? bitch do you have eyes?

 **ghost type:** LMAO MARK

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** it’s literally 2am let me sleeeeeeep

 **fried hair™:** shit wrong chat

 **mr. meme:** M A R K

 **disrespectful child:** hyung who were you supposed to send that to?

 **fried hair™:** let me hide in shame

 **rj used charm!:** so tonight we learned that mark hyung thinks zac efron is hot

 **fried hair™:** of course i think he’s hot

 **fried hair™:** have you _seen_ him

 **super effective puns:** i’m with you man, he’s hot

 **mr. meme:** mark who did you mean to send the message to?

 **fried hair™:** fucking jaehyun

 **ghost type:** JEFFREY IS OVER

 **ghost type:** if anyone doesn’t agree that zac efron is hot then i vote we kick them from this chat

 **disrespectful child:** wow i see we’re sinking so low that only physical appearances are important?

 **ghost type:** jisung are you suggesting that troy bolton was a bad person because i cannot tolerate that slander

 **disrespectful child:** he PLAYED WITH SHARPAY’S HEART

 **disrespectful child:** SHE JUST WANTED TO LIVE HER DREAMS BUT TROY HAD TO RUIN THAT

 **fried hair™:** I DIDN’T RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS

 **disrespectful child:** clearly you’re a fake high school musical fan if you don’t agree with me

 **rj used charm!:** you losers realise this is the dumbest argument we’ve ever had in this chat, right?

 **disrespectful child:** i bet you’ve never even seen hsm therefore your opinion is even less relevant than the other two idiots

 **rj used charm!:** do you even hear yourself right now?

 **rj used charm!:** literally everyone has seen fucking high school musical

 **rj used charm!:** stop pretending to be a fucking movie elitist

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** NO OFFENCE BUT CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP

 **super effective puns:** mute the fucking group chat if you can’t stand the discourse

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** -_- fine bitch

 **mr. meme:** so let me get this str8

 **mr. meme:** mark, jeno and jaemin think zac efron is hot

 **fried hair™:** i don’t _think_ he’s hot, i _know_ he’s hot

 **mr. meme:** and jisung thinks troy bolton was an asshole and is a sharpay evans supporter

 **disrespectful child:** damn fucking right i am

 **fried hair™:** DON’T SWEAR

 **fried hair™:** AND STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

 **mr. meme:** hey renjun?

 **rj used charm!:** what now?

 **mr. meme:** where do you stand in this drama? team troy or team sharpay?

 **rj used charm!:** not only is this the stupidest conversation we’ve ever had but it’s also the gayest

 **mr. meme:** my kind of convo then :)

 **rj used charm!:** i’m going to get kicked if i share my opinions

 **ghost type:** of course you won’t!!! we’re supportive friends :)

 **disrespectful child:** fake

 **rj used charm!:** alright then, brace yourselves

 **rj used charm!:** all the theater club bullshit in high school musical is irrelevant, and i only care about the fact that gabriella and troy made the whole thing about them when the fucking science club had an important contest! and the sports team! fuck gabriella and fuck troy.

 **mr. meme:** wow ok

 **super effective puns:** yeah but troy is still hot

 **rj used charm!:** I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHETHER HE’S HOT OR NOT, HE’S AN *ASSHOLE*

 **disrespectful child:** YES THANK YOU

 **fried hair™:** TROY BOLTON DID NOTHING WRONG, YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT HE IS ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT

 **rj used charm!:** HIS DAD JUST WANTED HIM TO BE A BASKETBALL PLAYER AND MAKE HIM PROUD BUT OH NO, TROY’S GOT TO CHASE AFTER A GIRL AND ABANDON ALL OF HIS DREAMS FOR A GOOD FUCK

 **mr. meme:** can we stop talking in block caps jesus fucking christ

 **fried hair™:** ALL COACH BOLTON CARED ABOUT WAS HIS OWN DREAMS, NOT WHAT HIS SON WANTED. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID YOU IGNORANT FUCK.

 **disrespectful child:** mark we get it, you’re on team troy

 **super effective puns:** hyuck before our lovers murder each other, what’s your opinion about this stupid argument?

 **mr. meme:** i think this is all fucking stupid and the only important character is kelsi

 **mr. meme:** and gabriella and troy helped her fulfil her dreams by performing her songs properly so...

 **fried hair™:** so you’re saying you’re on my side

 **mr. meme:** no because you’re being a fucking idiot arguing at the ass-crack of night about high school musical

 **rj used charm!:** let’s agree to never watch high school musical together so we can prevent world war 3 from kicking off

 **ghost type:** it’s a bit fucking late for that

_disrespectful child changed their nickname to sharpay did nothing wrong_

**super effective puns:** wow jisung is being edgy today

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’m just supporting my girl

 **fried hair™:** she was the VILLAIN

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** IF TROY HADN’T BEEN SUCH AN ASSHOLE THEN SHE WOULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO SABOTAGE HIM

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** and fyi the basketball team and the science club were the real snakes because they tried to break up gabriella and troy

 **ghost type:** sounds like you’re trying to rile up someone else in the chat lol

 **rj used charm!:** i’m too tired to get mad

 **rj used charm!:** plus i have a life unlike some people in this chat so i’m not going to argue about a fucking kids film

 **rj used charm!:** and y’know they kind of were snakes anyway but people can change

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** exactly!!! just like sharpay!!!

 **fried hair™:** jisung i’m literally going to kick you

 **super effective puns:** can we agree to change the subject before mark actually attacks someone?

 **ghost type:** let’s play two truths one lie :)

 **mr. meme:** count me in

 **rj used charm!:** you’re going to have to tell me what that is

 **ghost type:** we all take turns to write two things about us that are true and one lie

 **ghost type:** i guess to make it fun we can try and call out each other for lying

 **super effective puns:** what order do we go in

 **mr. meme:** most to least fucks given

 **fried hair™:** age order? or reverse age order?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’ll go first

 **rj used charm!:** at least i’ve got time to think now

 **ghost type:** ok jisung! whenever you’re ready :)

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** 1 - i can’t tie shoelaces by myself

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** 2 - i know the current location of our tv remote that got lost in april

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** 3 - there’s someone in the group chat who i saved their contact as “ew gross”

 **mr. meme:** no joke i’d actually believe all three of those were true

 **fried hair™:** that tv remote is impossible to find and i refuse to believe that jisung knows where it’s been all this time

 **super effective puns:** jisung is criminal mastermind though

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** no i’m a good boy

 **super effective puns:** you have a folder on your phone of blackmail material

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’d expect that of any respectable human being

 **mr. meme:** i’ve got a blackmail folder

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** nvm i take back the “respectable human being” part

 **mr. meme:** shut the fuck

 **ghost type:** i think i should go now!

 **rj used charm!:** what, even though we haven’t figured out if jisung is hiding the remote?

 **ghost type:** the whole point of this game is to assume whatever you want :)

 **ghost type:** ok 1 - every morning i send hina a text telling her that she’s pretty

 **ghost type:** 2 - every morning i send jeno a text telling him that he’s pretty

 **ghost type:** 3 - every morning i send yuta a text telling him that he’s an idiot but i miss him

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** jaemin you hoe

 **mr. meme:** number one is the most bs of them tbh

 **mr. meme:** the other two are 100% legit

 **fried hair™:** is it cheating if we ask jeno for confirmation?

 **ghost type:** since this isn’t a game you can actually win, ask away

 **fried hair™:** jeno?

 **super effective puns:** he’s been sending me those messages for about three years now

 **mr. meme:** CUTE

 **ghost type:** don’t get too jealous renjun lol

 **rj used charm!:** dw because i can actually tell him in person since i’m his roommate :) and since i live in this dorm :)

 **ghost type:** wow ok thx for reminding me that i’m not with you guys

 **super effective puns:** you will be soon! but your recovery is the most important thing!

 **ghost type:** <3 <3 <3

 **rj used charm!:** hands off he’s mine

 **rj used charm!:** flirt with your girlfriend you fucker

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** are all relationships this competitive?

 **fried hair™:** idk tell us once you’re dating chenle

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** hahaha funny :)

_sharpay did nothing wrong removed fried hair™ from the chat_

**mr. meme:** sdiagfidh

 **rj used charm!:** hmm

 **ghost type:** wait are you seriously not into him?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** continue with your stupid game

 **super effective puns:** game over guys! gg!

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** fake friend >:(

 **mr. meme:** jisung all offence i literally have screenshots of you in this group chat telling him that you should date and then brushing it off

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** NO YOU DON’T

 **mr. meme:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

  

(screenshot of group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **innocent child:** i want a relationship like that :(

 **giant baby:** date me then

 **innocent child:** what

 **morkle:** omg

 **giant baby:** i mean what i was kidding lol

 **innocent child:** lol

 **innocent child:** ;)

 **you:** um what just happened?

 

* * *

  

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **mr. meme:** and after that we got distracted by the announcement nana was finally dating hina

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** HE’S GOING TO SEE THIS WHEN HE WAKES UP

_rj used charm! removed lefairy (•`ω´•) from the chat_

**rj used charm!:** we’ll add him back when this is resolved :)

 **ghost type:** we should add mark back

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** no

 **mr. meme:** he’s asleep there’s no point

 **super effective puns:** ok so let’s get to business

 **super effective puns:** jisung do you like chenle

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** can’t you ask me an easier question first like what’s 2 + 2 or what’s the meaning of life?

 **ghost type:** poor child :’)

 **mr. meme:** let me have a go

 **mr. meme:** jisung if he asked you out, would you say no?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** he’s not going to! so there’s no point in even considering that!

 **ghost type:** you two are literally the only single people in this chat so you might as well date

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** your logic is bs

 **rj used charm!:** is it my turn?

 **mr. meme:** idk man he’s a lost cause

 **rj used charm!:** no, you three are just incompetent :)

 **super effective puns:** who the fuck are you calling incompetent

 **rj used charm!:** jisung listen

 **rj used charm!:** this probably isn’t surprising to you but me and chenle are close. we have conversations that you lot aren’t supposed to hear right in front of you except in mandarin. do you really think he doesn’t like you back?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** don’t try and get my hopes up

 **ghost type:** so he _does_ like him!

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** >:(

 **rj used charm!:** look, i’m not going to be an asshole and show you evidence that he likes you

 **mr. meme:** is that a dig at me bitch?

 **rj used charm!:** jisung _he likes you_

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** how can i trust you?

 **rj used charm!:** chenle literally tells me everything

 **rj used charm!:** whether you trust me or not, promise you’ll talk to him?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** ok

 **ghost type:** i’m so proud!!!!

 **mr. meme:** renjun, you’re a star

 **super effective puns:** :)

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’ll talk to him in the morning, ok?

 **rj used charm!:** that’s fine

 **rj used charm!:** let’s all sleep, then?

 **ghost type:** as long as you keep me up to date about what happens in the morning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I couldn't leave the maknaes without love!!!


	12. Mini Rookies "fun time"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fried hair™: ok everyone we’re going to play a fun game now!
> 
> fried hair™: called “we’re all going to tell the fucking truth and end all of this pointless drama”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> fried hair™ (mark)  
> rj used charm! (renjun)  
> super effective puns (jeno)  
> mr. meme (donghyuck)  
> ghost type (jaemin)  
> lefairy (•`ω´•) (chenle)  
> sharpay did nothing wrong (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’m going to fucking die

 **ghost type:** rip jisung

 **super effective puns:** you’d better be glad that mark isn’t in the chat to tell you to not swear

 **rj used charm!:** did you talk to him

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** no i can’t

 **mr. meme:** grow a pair

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** shut up

 **rj used charm!:** if you don’t go and talk to him then i’m literally going to force you two in a room together

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’m too young for this

 **mr. meme:** so we’re forgetting about all the fun we had as the mini rookies then? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **rj used charm!:** what

 **super effective puns:** um

 **ghost type:** hyuck wtf i thought we agreed not to talk about that

 **rj used charm!:** the hell were you lot doing before i was here?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** nothing…

 **rj used charm!:** fine

 **rj used charm!:** you asked for this

_rj used charm! added fried hair™ to the chat_

**rj used charm!:** mark what the heck were you lot doing when you were the mini rookies?

 **fried hair™:** wow ok

 **fried hair™:** how did this come up lol?

 **ghost type:** your stupid bf decided to mention it

 **fried hair™:** he's not my

 **fried hair™:** you know what nvm

 **rj used charm!:** guys :(

 **fried hair™:** it wasn't anything serious, don't worry

 **mr. meme:** but also the reason i found out how gay i was lol

 **mr. meme:** right jeno?

 **super effective puns:** go to hell

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** *sips tea*

 **rj used charm!:** i’m literally this close to heading to your room

 **ghost type:** he’s just messing with you

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** guys did anyone else just hear a door slam?

 **fried hair™:** i’m on it, stay calm everyone

 **ghost type:** THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AT YOUR DORM

 **super effective puns:** i’m not at the dorm either guys!!! what’s happening?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** where tf are you then, jeno?

 **ghost type:** hanging out with me :P

 **mr. meme:** ok so mark fucking SPRINTED out of the dorm

 **mr. meme:** i think i fucked up again guys :’(

 **super effective puns:** if you’re about to tell me that you scared rj out of the dorm then is2g hyuck

 **mr. meme:** I DIDN’T THINK HE’D GET SO OFFENDED

 **ghost type:** we should add back chenle so this isn’t as awkward

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** you’d better not

_ghost type added lefairy (•`ω´•) to the chat_

**ghost type:** whoops my hand slipped!!! :) :)

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** hi guys?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** whoops my hand slipped too!!! :) :)

_sharpay did nothing wrong removed ghost type from the chat_

**mr. meme:** that was low-key savage and also not very effective in sorting out your “situation”

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** what situation?

 **super effective puns:** whAT’S THE SITCH? - jm

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** I JUST WANT TO LIVE A QUIET LIFE

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** LEAVE ME BE

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** awwww :’(

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** did i miss anything while i was sleeping?

 **mr. meme:** yes

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** no

 **super effective puns:** yES NO MAYBE - jm

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** c h o k e

 **fried hair™:** ok everyone we’re going to play a fun game now!

 **fried hair™:** called “we’re all going to tell the fucking truth and end all of this pointless drama”

 **fried hair™:** i’m with renjun right now and we’re going to sort this fucking mess out

 **rj used charm!:** someone tell me exactly what the shit about the mini rookies was about

 **mr. meme:** i’m not trying to be awkward but why didn’t mark tell you if he’s with you

 **fried hair™:** because _you_  fucking created this mess

 **mr. meme:** alright FINE

 **mr. meme:** we used to play around a little when we were mini rookies

 **mr. meme:** but y’know it wasn’t serious or anything

 **rj used charm!:** give me details

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** pls don’t

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** i’ve purged it all from my memories and i’d rather not relive it

 **super effective puns:** tell me, are you jealous because you think we’ve all had more “fun” with your bf than you have? - jm

 **fried hair™:** why is nana using jeno’s account

 **mr. meme:** jisung kicked nana out before lol

 **rj used charm!:** i’m not fucking jealous of anyone

 **rj used charm!:** but

 **rj used charm!:** did any of you ever kiss? i’ve got to know…

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** am i the only person who doesn’t know what’s happening

 **mr. meme:** some of us did

 **mr. meme:** it wasn’t ever romantic though, just a bunch of teens testing the boundaries

 **super effective puns:** you’re the only person i like :( pls don’t be mad at me :(

 **super effective puns:** and that’s not from nana fyi

 **rj used charm!:** i always overreact at stupid things and make a big drama about it

 **rj used charm!:** i’m so fucking dumb why do i bother

 **super effective puns:** you’re not! :’(

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** is he alright?

 **fried hair™:** it’s ok he’s just a bit emotional rn

 **fried hair™:** i’ll stay with him until he’s ok

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** we should change the subject :( this is too sad :(

 **mr. meme:** what if we continue playing mark’s “game”

 **mr. meme:** jisung, haven’t you got something to confess? ;)

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** …

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** ooooo

 **super effective puns:** hyuck don’t be an ass to the kid

 **mr. meme:** i’m not!

 **mr. meme:** i’m giving him a gentle push in the right direction :)

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** if the “right direction” is off a cliff then count me in

_super effective puns added ghost type to the chat_

**ghost type:** i’m going to go for the blunt approach

 **ghost type:** chenle do you like anyone right now?

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** define “like”

 **mr. meme:** someone you would be ok dating

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** then yes

 **ghost type:** !!!

 **ghost type:** and what about the other child?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** call me a child one more time i dare you

 **super effective puns:** jisung do you have a crush, yes or no

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** when you’ve all graduated this group and i’m the leader, i’m going to hunt you all down

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** yes

 **mr. meme:** fucking FINALLY

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** omg! do i know them? :)

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** uhhhh i gotta go

_sharpay did nothing wrong left the chat_

**ghost type:** we tried

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** did renjun tell you that i liked jisung…

 **mr. meme:**  yes

 **mr. meme:** including to jisung because he wouldn’t fucking confess to you first

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** is he scared?

 **ghost type:** i think so

 **ghost type:** i guarantee if you talk to him that you’ll make his day :)

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** i want to but i don’t want to mess up what i’m saying, you know?

 **super effective puns:** i’m pretty sure a language barrier isn’t going to stop you from telling him “i think you’re cute and we should date”

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** where is he right now?

 **mr. meme:** in our room

 **ghost type:** did he exile you lol?

 **mr. meme:** no i just couldn’t be bothered with him sulking so i decided to play video games instead

 **ghost type:** relatable

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** **@rj used charm!** are you ok?

 **rj used charm!:** yeah

 **rj used charm!:** you’re going to tell him?

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** i didn’t want to until i’d told you first ^-^

 **rj used charm!:** good luck :)

 **mr. meme:** can confirm that chenle has officially entered the same room that jisung is currently in

 **ghost type:** excellent

 **super effective puns:** renjun?

 **rj used charm!:** hello yes i’m here

 **rj used charm!:** i’m alright now

 **rj used charm!:** mark’s walking me back to the dorm

 **mr. meme:** _my angel <3_

 **ghost type:** gross

 **super effective puns:** do you want me to come back to the dorm?

 **rj used charm!:** no, it’s fine

 **rj used charm!:** i’ve been feeling a bit homesick recently so i was just over-emotional

 **rj used charm!:** i’m going to have a nap as soon as i get back

 **super effective puns:** good idea :)

 **mr. meme:** THAT DID NOT TAKE AS LONG AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD

 **ghost type:** what?

 **mr. meme:** they were in there for like two minutes and the door just opened

 **mr. meme:** they walked out of the room HAND IN HAND and went to raid the fridge

 **super effective puns:** that’s really cute :’)

 **rj used charm!:** i’m back at the dorm now

 **ghost type:** do you see the couple

 **rj used charm!:** yes :)

 **rj used charm!:** i’ll sleep now!

 **mr. meme:** everyone is so pure right now???

 **fried hair™:** i can’t believe that twenty minutes ago we were having a heated argument and now the maknaes are dating (?)

 **ghost type:** i ship them

 **super effective puns:** you ship everything

 **ghost type:** um no?

 **ghost type:** for example, i do not ship hermione granger and ron weasley from harry potter

 **fried hair™:** say that to my face you SNAKE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1k views? Thank you so much, everyone!!!
> 
> Also, this is the first chapter edited straight from my room at uni! It's a little lonely to be away from home (admittedly, home is only 20 mins away lol) but I've put up all my NCT posters (and my RedVel poster) and it feels like it's a place of my own.
> 
> And if anyone knows a Shawol who moved into uni today in England (and judging by their fashion, they're a Minho stan like me), hmu because they're in the room below me and I've low-key been playing SHINee in the hopes they'll notice me. Maybe my ugly-ass Onew hat will work.


	13. "Drarry y'all"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overcooked ramen: i’m pretty sure i don’t deserve this
> 
> shit talker: lbr you did look like an overcooked ramen during limitless
> 
> overcooked ramen: did i ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> fried hair™ (mark)  
> rj used charm! (renjun)  
> super effective puns (jeno)  
> mr. meme (donghyuck)  
> ghost type (jaemin)  
> lefairy (•`ω´•) (chenle)  
> sharpay did nothing wrong (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **ghost type:** so, mark, want to debate harry potter ships?

 **fried hair™:** only if you get your ass to this dorm so i fight you for insulting harry potter canon

 **super effective puns:** this shit again?

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** can i add jisung back

 **mr. meme:** are you dating

 **lefairy (•`ω´•):** idk are you dating mark?

 **mr. meme:** touché

_lefairy (•`ω´•) added sharpay did nothing wrong to the chat_

**rj used charm!:** can we change our nicknames?

 **sharpay did nothing wrong:** you’re already getting sick of the shitty pokémon names then

 **super effective puns:** let me power up my creative genius

_super effective puns changed fried hair™’s nickname to overcooked ramen_

_super effective puns changed rj used charm!’s nickname to sane_

_super effective puns changed their own nickname to bee movie was ok_

_bee movie was ok changed mr. meme’s nickname to shit talker_

_bee movie was ok changed ghost type’s nickname to problematic shipper_

_bee movie was ok changed lefairy (•`ω´•)’s nickname to we must protec_

_bee movie was ok changed sharpay did nothing wrong’s nickname to troy bolton anti_

**overcooked ramen:** i’m pretty sure i don’t deserve this

 **shit talker:** lbr you did look like an overcooked ramen during limitless

 **overcooked ramen:** did i ask

 **bee movie was ok:** seriously i’m running out of ideas for names

 **problematic shipper:** my name is shitty

 **bee movie was ok:** change it yourself then rather than whining to me

_problematic shipper changed their own nickname to snek_

**troy bolton anti:** pls tell me that you don’t seriously think bee movie was an acceptable film **@bee movie was ok**

 **bee movie was ok:** it wasn’t _that_ bad

 **shit talker:** did you even watch the same film?

 **shit talker:** bee movie was a disgrace

 **bee movie was ok:** but it was a 10/10 meme

 **shit talker:** i accept that

 **shit talker:** but you’re still flawed

 **overcooked ramen:** stop changing the subject when i’ve got to debate with our lovely nana about harry potter :)

 **we must protec:** is it acceptable to have a nap while this argument happens

 **troy bolton anti:** only if you take me with you

 **sane:** the way you talk it sounds like you’re in love with him

 **sane:** oh wait :) :)

 **troy bolton anti:** choke :) :)

 **snek:** **@overcooked ramen** try and convince me that ron and hermione were in love

 **overcooked ramen:** the love potion smelled of ron to her

 **overcooked ramen:** fucking fight me

 **snek:** hmm

 **snek:** if you were a real fan, you’d know that it is omitted what she actually smells as the third scent  (Relieved Face )

 **snek:** you’re assuming :)

 **bee movie was ok:** how soon before mark heads to the rookies dorm to beat up nana?

 **sane:** probably less than ten minutes

 **shit talker:** did the maknaes actually go to have a nap?

 **shit talker:** omg they’re so cute???

 **overcooked ramen:** JUST BECAUSE THAT ONE THING WASN’T SPECIFICALLY MENTIONED, THERE ARE TONS OF OTHER REFERENCES IN THE BOOKS THAT SHOW HOW THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. YOU’RE A FAKE FAN IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED BEFORE. I BET YOU SHIP HARRY AND HERMIONE.

 **shit talker:** mark ilu but were you seriously typing that fucking paragraph for the last few minutes?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **overcooked ramen:** as the leader i’ve gotta stand my ground

 **snek:** nah i don’t ship harry and hermione

 **snek:** drarry y’all

 **bee movie was ok:** oh god mark’s going to _kill him_

 **shit talker:** **@snek** why drarry?

 **snek:** it’s gay

 **shit talker:** you know what

 **shit talker:** i ship it too

 **overcooked ramen:** are you fucking serious

 **overcooked ramen:** first, they _hate_ each other

 **overcooked ramen:** second, _they hate each other_

 **overcooked ramen:** third, wtf hyuck stop shipping pairings just because they’re not straight

 **shit talker:** that’s a bad word!!! say str8 instead :)

 **sane:** you’re not going to catch a disease if you say it

 **shit talker:** you don’t know that

 **shit talker:** some str8s catch a scary disease called… babies

 **snek:** have you ever been to fucking school

 **bee movie was ok:** i’m laUGHING SO HARD

 **sane:** at least the stupid harry potter argument has ended

 **snek:** NOT TODAY

 **snek:** i low-key ship harry and cedric too oops

 **overcooked ramen:** i’m so glad i’m not your actual parent right now because this is disgraceful

 **shit talker:** remember when this group chat was normal?

 **sane:** no

 **sane:** this group chat is such a mess like i wouldn’t even dare show this to anyone who doesn’t get how wild we all are

 **bee movie was ok:** if ty hyung ever saw this group chat he’d 100% disown us

 **shit talker:** then show him the fucking group chat asap

 **shit talker:** i hate being the maknae in 127 because i have to pretend to respect everyone

 **snek:** so you’re ok with being babied 24/7 but you hate acting like a civilised human being?

 **shit talker:** stfu name one time you’ve called mark “hyung”

 **snek:** hE’S ONLY A YEAR OLDER THAN ME THEREFORE I DON’T CARE

 **snek:** 127 ARE OLD MEN COMPARED TO YOU

 **snek:** basically you’d better respect them before they die of old age lol

 **overcooked ramen:** i’m screenshotting this and putting it the 127 group chat

 **shit talker:** pleASE I’LL DO ANYTHING

 **shit talker:** JUST DON’T SUBJECT ME TO THEM COMPLAINING AT ME

 **bee movie was ok:** you’d seriously do “anything”?

 **sane:** of course he would

 **sane:** one, because it’s mark

 **sane:** and two, because he has no standards

 **shit talker:** :( :( don’t be mean to me i’m only young :( :(

 **overcooked ramen:** everyone except me who’s active right now is literally the same age as you

 **overcooked ramen:** and i’ve not posted the screenshots yet because i’m nice

 **shit talker:** THANK YOU ILU

 **overcooked ramen:** but you said you’ll do anything for me, so i’ll remember that and let you know when i’ve decided what you can do ;)

 **shit talker:** this isn’t what i planned

 **bee movie was ok:** lmao hyuck you played right into his hands

 **snek:** are we just going to ignore the wink face?

 **sane:** i’m just going to sit back and wait for this to kick off…


	14. The Small Hours: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we must protec: but maybe in an alternative universe me and jisung are a happy couple with 10 cats and a nice house
> 
> snek: who knew that chenle was such a hopeless romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> bee movie was ok (jeno)  
> shit talker (donghyuck)  
> snek (jaemin)  
> we must protec (chenle)  
>  **  
> **  
> small hours  
>  noun  
> the early hours of the morning after midnight.
> 
> Note: This chapter is set in the "small hours", hence the title, and only contains four characters. Part 2 will be a couple of chapters later and featuring the characters absent in this one ^^

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **we must protec:** have you ever considered how tiny we are?

 **we must protec:** the universe is still expanding even though we stay the same size

 **we must protec:** and we still don’t know if there’s any other life out there!!!

 **we must protec:** we are so small and insignificant!!!

 **bee movie was ok:** it’s 2am why are you still awake

 **we must protec:** i can’t sleep while the universe is growing around me

 **shit talker:** holy fuck what drugs are you on

 **shit talker:** you sound like you’re high

 **we must protec:** i’m just high on life :)

 **snek:** you sound like you’ve pulled an all-nighter and the sleepiness is just hitting you

 **snek:** which ofc is something i have  _never_ experienced…

 **bee movie was ok:** nana have you not been sleeping recently? :(

 **snek:** eh

 **snek:** it depends really

 **shit talker:** hey, if you need to talk then we’re here for you

 **snek:** :’) ilu guys

 **snek:** is it just the four of us awake right now?

 **shit talker:** i can confirm that mark is currently dead to the world lol

 **shit talker:** he’s buried under his quilt and fast asleep

 **bee movie was ok:** cute

 **shit talker:** hands off, blondie

 **shit talker:** the canadian is mine

 **snek:** lol i don’t think jeno is trying to steal mark off you

 **bee movie was ok:** you can keep him and his frizzy hair

 **bee movie was ok:** rj is also asleep btw :)

 **snek:** **@we must protec** did you fall asleep too?

 **we must protec:** i can hear colours

 **shit talker:** oh fuck did you eat that entire bag of candy from before?

 **we must protec:** look

 **we must protec:** jisung threatened to eat it if i didn’t so i had to act

 **snek:** he’s having a sugar high?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **shit talker:** i think jisung is asleep in his room

 **shit talker:** god knows how considering that i can HEAR CHENLE RUNNING AROUND HIS ROOM

 **bee movie was ok:** am i the only person who really likes watching people sleep?

 **snek:** that sounds low-key creepy but ok

 **bee movie was ok:** no but

 **bee movie was ok:** sleeping people look so peaceful

 **shit talker:** we get it! you think renjun looks cute when he’s asleep!

 **bee movie was ok:** you mean you _don’t_ think mark looks cute when he’s sleeping?  (Smirking Face )

 **shit talker:** i didn’t say that

 **snek:** you two are so loved up omg

 **we must protec:** why is it loved up and not loved down

 **shit talker:** GO TO SLEEP

 **we must protec:** lol can’t relate to all this love talk

 **bee movie was ok:** ???

 **bee movie was ok:** aren’t you literally dating jisung?

 **we must protec:** pretty sure i would know if i was dating that angel

 **snek:** “angel”? are we even talking about the same person?

 **shit talker:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE A COUPLE

 **we must protec:** not in this reality :(

 **we must protec:** but maybe in an alternative universe me and jisung are a happy couple with 10 cats and a nice house

 **snek:** who knew that chenle was such a hopeless romantic

 **shit talker:** I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

 **shit talker:** HOLDING HANDS WITH JISUNG

 **shit talker:** LIKE TWO DAYS AGO

 **we must protec:** and i saw you holding hands with jeno once so therefore _you_ must be dating  (Relieved Face )

 **snek:** wait when

 **bee movie was ok:** try and act a little less jealous lol

 **bee movie was ok:** you have a “girlfriend”, remember?

 **snek:** the FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

 **snek:** “girlfriend” SHE’S FUCKING REAL YOU MEME

 **bee movie was ok:** hmm

 **shit talker:** why would you be a str8 when you can be literally anything else

 **snek:** I’M NOT

 **snek:** i’m hurt that you think i’m str8 ;-;

 **bee movie was ok:** you two look like fucking losers spelling it like that

 **bee movie was ok:** oh wait, you actually _are_ losers

 **shit talker:** i’m disappointed at your weak ass insults

 **shit talker:** i raised you better than this

 **snek:** let’s not fight :(

 **bee movie was ok:** we weren’t serious

 **snek:** i know but i miss you guys and i don’t want to see you pretending to be mad at each other

 **shit talker:** nana ilu

 **bee movie was ok:** i really want to go to your place now and cuddle you lots :(

 **shit talker:** me too tbh

 **snek:** you guys :’)

 **snek:** save those cuddles for the next time i see you both

 **snek:** and if i don’t see those cuddles (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **bee movie was ok:** we need to have a dreamies cuddle pile

 **snek:** !!!

 **snek:** i volunteer to be smothered by cuddles!!!

 **shit talker:** not to ruin the mood but

 **shit talker:** **@bee movie was ok** can you hear a noise in the kitchen?

 **bee movie was ok:** i don’t think so?

 **shit talker:** i’m going to check

 **shit talker:** is2g if i find chenle in there i am going to END HIM

 **snek:** omg

 **bee movie was ok:** lbr it’s totally going to be him

 **bee movie was ok:** i don’t think he’s going to sleep for at least the next 24 hours

 **snek:** any updates?

 **bee movie was ok:** currently i hear nothing

 **bee movie was ok:** wait nvm i can hear the sound of chenle screaming lol

 **bee movie was ok:** he sounds happy???

 **snek:** i’m surprised i can’t hear him screaming tbh

 **snek:** even though i’m in a different building

 **bee movie was ok:** i think hyuck is attacking him? that’s what it sounds like?

 **bee movie was ok:** oh gOD HE JUST WOKE UP RENJUN  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **bee movie was ok:** HE’S JUST LOOKING AROUND OUR ROOM HALF-AWAKE

 **snek:** ARE YOU SERIOUS?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **bee movie was ok:** “can he not scream just for tonight? i want to sleep” - rj

 **bee movie was ok:** he’s so cute right now???

 **bee movie was ok:** i know i said he looked cute asleep but he’s even cuter now he’s half-awake

 **snek:** you’re so whipped for him omg

 **shit talker:** i’m back homos :)

 **bee movie was ok:** what did you do to chenle?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **shit talker:** well i found that bitch searching through the cupboards for more sugar

 **shit talker:** i tackled him and he was going all giggly on me

 **shit talker:** but he wore himself out and i made him go back to his room

 **shit talker:** god knows if he’s actually going to sleep though

 **snek:** sounds like our leader has had a good influence on you

 **shit talker:** or maybe he respects me?

 **bee movie was ok:** who would respect _you?_

 **shit talker:** I’M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS

 **snek:** guys :(

 **shit talker:** alright, i’ll stay calm for you

 **shit talker:** i’ll channel all of my aggression into my cuddles next time i see you

 **shit talker:** i’m going to cuddle the shit out of you

 **snek:** you fucking better

 **bee movie was ok:** um?

 **bee movie was ok:** i think you’ll find that _i’m_ going to cuddle you more

 **snek:** my best buddies  (Beating Heart )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last late night convo I had in a group chat was in the NCT line chat, it was nearly 2am and we were discussing our ideal types and comparing them to idols lol.
> 
> Me: I like guys who are natural, but also charming  
> W: R E N J U N  
> Me: YES  
> Me: MY MAN  
> W: HE GOT ME UNDER HIS FUCKING FEET  
> Me: ME TOO  
> W: RENJUN  
> CAN TELL ME  
> ANYTHING  
> AND I WILL DO IT  
> WITHOUT EVEN  
> THINKING
> 
> And that's an insight into the shit I talk about in that damn group chat. Tbh it's not even active most of the time lol.


	15. Spork talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overcooked ramen: stan nct u y’all
> 
> snek: all offence you weren’t even in without you
> 
> overcooked ramen: aka my only nap i’ve ever had since this mess of a group began :’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> overcooked ramen (mark)  
> sane (renjun)  
> bee movie was ok (jeno)  
> shit talker (donghyuck)  
> snek (jaemin)  
> we must protec (chenle)  
> troy bolton anti (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **overcooked ramen:** i accidently made taeyong hyung block me

 **troy bolton anti:** teach me your ways

 **snek:** omg what did you do

 **overcooked ramen:** i was talking to him on pm and i called him a spork

 **overcooked ramen:** he got mad at me because he’d never heard that word before and he’s convinced it’s some super bad swear

 **we must protec:** how does he not know what a spork is?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **shit talker:** he’s like 80

 **sane:** you’re lucky mark’s blocked by him or mark would 100% have sent screenshots

 **shit talker:** nah we have a deal

 **overcooked ramen:** about that :)

 **bee movie was ok:** rip hyuck

 **troy bolton anti:** oh shit are we going to see some drama?

 **overcooked ramen:** what have i told you about swearing

 **troy bolton anti:** don’t know don’t care

 **overcooked ramen:** this kid is2g  (Unamused Face )

 **overcooked ramen:** **@shit talker** i’ll dm you what you can do for me  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) since you said you’d do “anything”

 **shit talker:** welp

 **shit talker:** i guess it was nice knowing you guys

 **shit talker:** play michael jackson at my funeral

 **snek:** real talk guys

 **snek:** what’s the most inappropriate song you can have played at a funeral

 **bee movie was ok:** i’ll be back by 2pm

 **troy bolton anti:** if you don’t play chewing gum at my funeral i’ll actually haunt every single one of you

 **we must protec:** you better not die before me  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **sane:** does nct u’s without you count as an inappropriate funeral song?

 **snek:** nah that shit would be a _perfect_ funeral song

 **troy bolton anti:** also you mentioned the u word…

 **sane:** ???

 **troy bolton anti:** any second now…

 **overcooked ramen:** did i hear? :)

 **overcooked ramen:** stan nct u y’all

 **snek:** all offence you weren’t even in without you

 **overcooked ramen:** aka my only nap i’ve ever had since this mess of a group began :’)

 **snek:** can’t relate

 **bee movie was ok:** :(

 **bee movie was ok:** you deserve your rest though

 **overcooked ramen:** and i _don’t?_

 **troy bolton anti:** hyung you aren’t crippled

 **snek:** neither will i be soon!!!

 **snek:** when i come back the fans will be so shook about how attractive i got since i disappeared

 **sane:** do they not have mirrors in the rookies dorm then?

 **we must protec:** YES RENJUN

 **snek:** *wipes away a single tear*

 **troy bolton anti:** but the important thing is that you’re still shorter than me :)

 **snek:** THE FANS DON’T KNOW THAT

 **troy bolton anti:** not yet

 **troy bolton anti:** but when you come back ;)

 **snek:** fuck this i’m staying in the rookies dorm until i’m a grandpa

 **sane:** and how long is that?

 **snek:** idk ask taeyong

 **overcooked ramen:** SCREENSHOTTED

 **snek:** he’d never fight his precious injured baby  (Smiling Face With Halo )

 **overcooked ramen:** well maybe he will once he’s unblocked me and i’ve finally sent him that screenshot

 **bee movie was ok:** are we forgetting about hyuck?

 **troy bolton anti:** if he’s gone for a long time, can nana replace him in the group?

 **snek:** i’d be drowned in lines if i replaced him lbr

 **sane:** i’m surprised you know what a line is

 **snek:** dshlgsdlkhg

 **bee movie was ok:** when did you get so savage **@sane**

 **sane:** since hyuck isn’t here i’m finally getting my chance to shine in the world of meanness

 **we must protec:** don’t be mean to me or i’ll cry

 **sane:** must be the same fake tears that you put on whenever we’re out of ice cream then

 **snek:** **@overcooked ramen** DO YOU HAVE A NAUGHTY STEP YOU CAN PUT HIM ON UNTIL HE FINDS HIS CHILL?

 **overcooked ramen:** if we had a naughty step then hyuck would have already made it his home

 **troy bolton anti:** i have an idea

 **sane:** wow, your first idea!!! careful you don’t hurt yourself too much while you’re thinking!!!

 **troy bolton anti:** MY IDEA

 **troy bolton anti:** is that we lock him in the cupboard under the stairs

 **snek:** you don’t know how hard i’m restraining myself from making a shitty harry potter reference right now

 **bee movie was ok:** GUYS

 **bee movie was ok:** MARK JUST CAME INTO OUR ROOM AND DRAGGED RENJUN AWAY

 **bee movie was ok:** I THINK HE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO DO JISUNG’S SHITTY IDEA

 **troy bolton anti:** tf are you calling shitty?

 **snek:** isn’t that cupboard full of dust and trash?

 **we must protec:** and the tv remote

 **bee movie was ok:** wait what

 **troy bolton anti:** don’t tell me you’re referring to the remote that disappeared in april

 **overcooked ramen:** ok i put him under the stairs to calm the fuck down and barricaded the door so he can’t leave

 **bee movie was ok:** mark wtf

 **overcooked ramen:** i’ll let him out in like five minutes don’t worry

 **overcooked ramen:** i’ve got his phone too

 **troy bolton anti:** more importantly

 **troy bolton anti:** chenle just announced the missing remote is hidden under the stairs

 **overcooked ramen:** …

 **overcooked ramen:** are you fucking serious

 **we must protec:** yeah!

 **we must protec:** taeyong hyung told me to hide it after he found out we kept staying up until the middle of the night watching cartoons

 **bee movie was ok:** _YOU_ HID IT???

 **troy bolton anti:** I GOT BLAMED FOR THAT

 **troy bolton anti:** I WAS BANNED FROM DESSERT FOR A WEEK BECAUSE OF YOU

 **we must protec:** ok but taeyong hyung said he’d give me candy if i did it so…

 **overcooked ramen:** fuck i’m going to call him out for this

 **snek:** he blocked you

 **overcooked ramen:** I’M GOING TO THE 127 DORM TO CALL HIM OUT IN PERSON

 **bee movie was ok:** maybe let rj out from under the stairs first?

 **overcooked ramen:** ok fine

 **snek:** i’m kind of intimidated by how silent hyuck has been since mark said he’d dm him about that thing

 **snek: @shit talker** you alive?

 **shit talker:** yeah sorry

 **shit talker:** i’ve been going through all my saved photos and i was too busy to reply

 **bee movie was ok:** ...why?

 **shit talker:** mark asked me to find the most embarrassing pics i had of you lot so he could have them for blackmail material

 **troy bolton anti:** YOU HAVE THE _WORST_ PICS OF ME THOUGH

 **snek:** it’s official

 **snek:** we’re all screwed

 **sane:** hi i’m back if anyone cares

 **bee movie was ok:** i care!!!

 **bee movie was ok:** come back to the room so i can cuddle you!!!

 **we must protec:** *adds screenshots to my jejun album*

 **sane:** i’m literally covered in cobwebs so i think i’ll pass and shower instead

 **sane:** the sentiment is appreciated though :)

 **snek:** meanwhile me and my gf’s convos go as far as “i guess you’re alright”

 **troy bolton anti:** i’m guessing she says that to you and not the other way round

 **snek:** here i am, being all nice to her

 **snek:** but apparently i’m “fake nice” and i “say the same things to the mini rookies”

 **bee movie was ok:** she ain’t wrong

 **troy bolton anti:** you literally told us in the group chat that you send jeno a text every morning telling him he’s pretty

 **snek:** IT WAS TWO TRUTHS ONE LIE

 **snek:** THAT WASN’T NECESSARILY TRUE

 **sane:** jeno literally confirmed it

 **snek:** but

 **snek:** he _is_ pretty

 **snek:** these are the facts

 **troy bolton anti:** lbr you totally were lying about sending the same texts to hina

 **snek:** actually i wasn't

 **shit talker:** screenshots or it didn’t happen

 **snek:** I’M NOT SENDING SCREENSHOTS OF MY MESSAGES TO MY GIRLFRIEND

 **we must protec:** because you’re not actually dating her?

 **sane:** mark _did_ kick him from the group chat until he was dating her…

 **snek:** are you accusing me of being a liar

 **troy bolton anti:** you tell us :)

 **sane:** I! HAVE! A! GIRLFRIEND!

 **shit talker:** hmm

 **overcooked ramen:** i’m back from confronting ty hyung about the remote!

 **overcooked ramen:** and he now knows what a spork is

 **shit talker:** about fucking time tbh

 **overcooked ramen:** he unblocked me :)

 **snek:** mark they’re bullying me

 **overcooked ramen:** about what

 **snek:** they don’t believe i’m actually dating hina :(

 **overcooked ramen:** ignore them

 **overcooked ramen:** they’re just teasing :)

 **shit talker:** no??? i’m not???

 **shit talker:** plus there’s plenty of people on our label who’ve had “girlfriends”

 **bee movie was ok:** that’s a controversial subject lol

 **we must protec:** wait who?

 **overcooked ramen:** hyuck :) we all know that every relationship on this label has been real :) don’t kid yourself :)

 **shit talker:** sure

 **shit talker:** and f(x) are going to come back in the next decade

 **shit talker:** and exo-m still exist

 **shit talker:** and hansol will debut

 **shit talker:** _sure_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I got edgy at the end there. Btw f(x) are my fave girl group, don't hate me :)


	16. Soft™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bee movie was ok: i bet i’m a better cuddler than mark though
> 
> overcooked ramen: don't kid yourself :) :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> overcooked ramen (mark)  
> sane (renjun)  
> bee movie was ok (jeno)  
> shit talker (donghyuck)  
> snek (jaemin)  
> we must protec (chenle)  
> troy bolton anti (jisung)
> 
> Note: Was planning to leave another day before posting another chapter but the end of the last chapter got a bit Real™, so I figured y'all deserved some Dreamies being soft. ALSO DID Y'ALL SEE HANSOL IN YIXING'S MV? I WATCHED IT AND I WAS LIKE "TF THAT GUY LOOKS LIKE HANSOL" AND THEN I SAW THE YT COMMENTS AND THE GROUP CHAT WAS KICKING OFF. I'd like to think me dissing Hansol's lack of debut was the real reason we saw him in that mv lol

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **snek:** so guys i’ve been thinking

 **shit talker:** congrats

 **snek:** shut up bitch

 **snek:** anyway if y'all could create an ideal nct unit with you in, who would be the members?

 **overcooked ramen:** how many members can we have

 **snek:** seven?

 **snek:** 127 and dream both had seven originally

 **snek:** :’)

 **bee movie was ok:** you're still one of us tbh

 **snek:** ilu jeno <3

 **sane:** i will throw fists

 **snek:** ilu as a best mate jeno <3

 **sane:** better :)

 **troy bolton anti:** my nct unit would be me, ty, winwin, ten, yuta, jeno and chenle

 **troy bolton anti:** aka the lit dance squad and my bae <3

 **we must protec:** (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart )

**bee movie was ok:** ayyy my bro <3

 **shit talker:** and i thought jisung was still in denial about his love

 **troy bolton anti:** are you bae shaming me

 **shit talker:** is that even a thing

 **overcooked ramen:** can i voluntarily not be in my ideal unit

 **snek:** i mean??? it's your choice???

 **overcooked ramen:** i sort of want to say i'd rather nap than join another unit but i can't lose my title of debut king, can i?

 **overcooked ramen:** in my ideal unit i’ll have the Original™ Foreign Swaggers™

 **sane:** you sure you've got enough trademarks in that sentence?

 **overcooked ramen:** then i'll have my buddy ty track ofc

 **snek:** watch him try and come up with three more people on the spot

 **overcooked ramen:** YOU CAN DOUBT ME ALL YOU LIKE

 **overcooked ramen:** i'll have my number one fave person in the group too **@shit talker** (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**troy bolton anti:** i thought hyuck was your second fave

 **bee movie was ok:** yeah you said you'd take _me_ to the desert island with you

 **overcooked ramen:** keep talking and you won't be in my dream unit :)

 **sane:** i’d just have my china bros and idc who else

 **we must protec:** same tbh

 **snek:** hmm i think we should move on

 **shit talker:** you don't want to know who i'd choose?  (Disappointed Face )

 **snek:** we all know you'd choose mark and who cares about anyone else you'd pick lbr

 **shit talker:** i mean i can't deny that lol

 **shit talker:** mark is honestly the only person i care about lol  (Relieved Face )

 **troy bolton anti:** fake friend

 **bee movie was ok:** i bet i’m a better cuddler than mark though

 **overcooked ramen:** don't kid yourself :) :)

 **shit talker:** you're both pretty great

 **shit talker:** but i'd have to choose mark

 **bee movie was ok:** whatever i'll just cuddle rj instead

 **sane:** i thought that was a given

 **snek:** you'll still give me cuddles, right?

 **bee movie was ok:** ofc i will!!!

 **sane:** (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **troy bolton anti:** this convo is so soft

 **we must protec:** not as soft as you get when i’m kissing you

 **overcooked ramen:** WHAT

 **snek:** DSHFJVI

 **we must protec:** (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**bee movie was ok:** so it's basically confirmed now that they're a thing?

 **troy bolton anti:** i am whipped y'all

 **sane: @overcooked ramen** our kids are so cute :’)

 **overcooked ramen:** so we all agree that chenle is your kid and jisung is mine?

 **sane:** exactly

 **we must protec:** tf i’m not anyone's kid

 **troy bolton anti:** same wtf ^^

 **snek:** they’re avoiding answering whether they’re a thing or not  (Smirking Face )

 **bee movie was ok:** while chensung are procrastinating

 **bee movie was ok:** may i change our nicknames?

 **shit talker:** YES PLEASE

 **overcooked ramen:** is2g if you insult me again with a shitty nickname

 **bee movie was ok:** don’t worry, the nickname king is here to save you ^-^

_bee movie was ok changed overcooked ramen’s nickname to babysitter_

_bee movie was ok changed sane’s nickname to real life angel_

_bee movie was ok changed their own nickname to cuddle king_

_cuddle king changed shit talker’s nickname to mark’s bae_

_cuddle king changed snek’s nickname to i’m still in nct dream_

_cuddle king changed we must protec’s nickname to renjun’s child_

_cuddle king changed troy bolton anti’s nickname to mark’s child_

**cuddle king:** and now a new era of our group chat begins

 **babysitter:** FINALLY i get an acceptable nickname

 **i’m still in nct dream:** :’)

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i can keep hoping, right?

 **mark’s child:** DISRESPECT

 **babysitter:** as your parent, i respectfully ask you to stfu

 **real life angel:** these are our purest nicknames so far

 **mark’s bae:** tbh i like this name more than i liked “yes homo”

 **mark’s bae:** jeno you’re so good with these nicknames

 **renjun’s child:** (Unamused Face )

 **real life angel:** *showers my child in love*

 **renjun’s child:** *rejects the love*

 **renjun’s child:** *watches anime instead*

 **real life angel:** play along or i’ll teach the other members how to shit talk you in mandarin

 **renjun’s child:** oKAY PLEASE DON’T

 **renjun’s child:** i’m proud to be your kid!!!!!

 **real life angel:** :)

 **cuddle king:** a concept: nct dream being pure irl rather than just as a mv concept

 **babysitter:** honestly though

 **babysitter:** in our mvs we’re like pure children but irl we’re at each other’s necks every two seconds and insulting each other

 **i’m still in nct dream:** you just described how every teenager acts in front of their parents compared to their friends :)

 **mark’s bae:** i like to think i’m the most genuine of this group

 **real life angel:** you’re low-key savage in public and a high-key DESTROYER in private

 **mark’s bae:** i try my best ;)

 **i’m still in nct dream:** hmm so who is the fakest then?

 **mark’s child:** definitely mark

 **babysitter:** keep trashing me and i’ll give you a time out :)

 **cuddle king:** tbh though mark is so fake

 **cuddle king:** he pretends to be a nice and pure person to the fans but to us he’ll stop at nothing to keep us in line

 **mark’s child:** one time he locked me outside the dorm IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER until i apologised for saying his cooking tasted like something an ogre had shit out

 **i’m still in nct dream:** but you weren’t wrong

 **babysitter:** MY COOKING IS FINE

 **real life angel:** “fine” for someone without tastebuds

 **mark’s bae:** or standards

 **babysitter:** i hate you all

 **mark’s child:** the feeling is mutual :)

 **renjun’s child:** i’d still eat it tbh

 **renjun’s child:** i’ll eat any food i see

 **mark’s child:** honey the shit mark cooks does not count as “food”

_babysitter left the chat_

**mark’s bae:** wow talk about not being able to receive criticism

_i’m still in nct dream added babysitter to the chat_

**babysitter:** one day i’m going to cook y’all a meal that you won’t verbally abuse me for

 **cuddle king:** i think we will all be dead by the time you learn to cook something edible

 **babysitter:** you’re lucky i can take this bullying

 **mark’s bae:** we’re just teasing you~

 **i’m still in nct dream:** of course!

 **i’m still in nct dream:** but your food _does_ taste like shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current mood: "mark is honestly the only person i care about lol" (jk i'm rj biased but i'm very unloyal)
> 
> Next chapter is the second "small hours" chapter, featuring the squad who were asleep during the last one (aka Mark, Renjun and Jisung). It might get a bit Real™ like the end of the last chapter but it's not too deep I hope. Also, current progress of writing this shit is that I have 21 chapters complete. You've seen most of them uploaded already, but I've still got some more prepared dw.


	17. The Small Hours: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> babysitter: yeah have fun running between multiple stages at concerts then :)
> 
> babysitter: it’s great
> 
> babysitter: i legit nearly died last year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> babysitter (mark)  
> real life angel (renjun)  
> i'm still in nct dream (jaemin)  
> mark's child (jisung)
> 
> small hours  
> noun  
> the early hours of the morning after midnight.
> 
> Note: The second part of the "small hours" segment, which takes place in the middle of the night with whichever characters are awake. These are the characters who were asleep during the last "small hours" chapter, and Jaemin who is there for the fun of it ^^  
> Note 2: This chapter is basically Mark getting stressed.  
> Note 3: I wrote this before Boy Ep. 8...

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**babysitter:** anyone else awake rn?

**real life angel:** not sure about anyone else but i am

**real life angel:** you ok?

**babysitter:** “read by 2”

**mark’s child:** well i was just going to read the messages and not reply

**mark’s child:** but hi

**babysitter:** i know it’s like the middle of the night but i really haven’t been able to sleep recently

**babysitter:** i’m too distracted thinking about what our schedule is for the next few days and all the other stuff i have to do as leader

**real life angel:** this probably isn’t helpful but try not to let it bother you?

**real life angel:** yes, we’ve got schedules to go to but the managers can look after that

**real life angel:** your health is most important and if you’re getting stressed by your career then you need to relax a bit

**babysitter:** i don’t feel like i can just _stop_ stressing though

**mark’s child:** hyung you literally stress 24/7

**babysitter:** try being as busy as me and staying sane :)

**mark’s child:** didn’t you say you _liked_ being busy?

**babysitter:**  i'd rather be busy than trapped in the sm dungeon tbh

**real life angel:** i’m sure it’s great to keep yourself occupied but not if it’s hurting you

**real life angel:** the last thing any of us want is you injuring yourself or bringing yourself to the point of a breakdown

**babysitter:** been there, done that

**real life angel:** recently?

**babysitter:** eh

**babysitter:** i can see that i’m only creating more problems by talking about this so i should probably shut up

**mark’s child:** don’t be like that :/

**mark’s child:** anyway if you stop talking then i’ll just stay up all night watching anime instead

**babysitter:** go to sleep, idiot

**mark’s child:** says the guy who isn’t sleeping because he’s stressed :)

**real life angel:** mark if i can do anything to help

**real life angel:** i’m the next oldest here and i feel as responsible for the others as you probably do, so if you need me to step in you just have to ask

**babysitter:** i’ll consider it, thank you

**mark’s child:** who will be our leader once you graduate?

**babysitter:** if i knew, i’d tell you

**babysitter:** i only get told what i need to know

**real life angel:** realistically, probably jeno? or hyuck?

**real life angel:** they were both mini rookies too so people have known them longer

**real life angel:** plus it won’t be long before i’m too old myself

**mark’s child:** wouldn’t that rule out jeno as well?

**babysitter:** tbh jisung it could be you next

**mark’s child:** i don’t want to be responsible wtf

**babysitter:** consider this

**babysitter:** if you become leader, you’ll have at least three more years in dream until you’re too old

**babysitter:** you’re a popular member and an ex-mini rookie

**babysitter:** and you’re basically the centre of the group anyway

**real life angel:** you’ve actually convinced me now that jisung will be our new leader and i don’t think i’m ever going to sleep at night again

**mark’s child:** i’ll fight you

**real life angel:** you know that if you become leader everyone will start disrespecting you like they do with mark :)

**mark’s child:** fuck that i’m leaving nct dream

**mark’s child:** i’m starting my own fucking unit

**babysitter:** yeah have fun running between multiple stages at concerts then :)

**babysitter:** it’s _great_

**babysitter:** i legit nearly died last year

**real life angel:** meanwhile the rest of us (minus hyuck) got to sit back most of the time

**real life angel:** 10/10 would recommend

**mark’s child:** ok but when mark leaves, who is going to get all the lines

**babysitter:** jaemin

**real life angel:** you’re cruel

**babysitter:** you assume i was joking?

**babysitter:** i mean i _was_ but y’know

**mark’s child:** imagine if hyuck gets even _more_ lines

**real life angel:** his ego will grow even bigger

**mark’s child:** meanwhile me, wondering if lines are a real thing

**babysitter:** i wonder the same thing about nana :’)

**real life angel:** stop roasting him jfc

**real life angel:** what did he do to you

**babysitter:** he insulted my cooking  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

**mark’s child:** **@i’m still in nct dream** if you’re awake, defend yourself lol

**real life angel:** are you seriously waking him up

**i’m still in nct dream:** why the heck is this group chat active

**i’m still in nct dream:** it’s half two in the morning

**real life angel:** mark was insulting you and jisung decided to let you know

**i’m still in nct dream:** wait brb gotta scroll

**babysitter:** oops

**i’m still in nct dream:** is2g when i come back i’m going to kick your ass **@babysitter**

**babysitter:** that’s “hyung” to you :)

**i’m still in nct dream:** i’m going to kick your ass, _hyung_

**real life angel:** everyone go to bed

**real life angel:** i won’t accept group chat drama happening in the middle of the night

**mark’s child:** fu i’m not going to sleep yet

**babysitter:** go the fuck to sleep or tomorrow night you’ll be sleeping on the floor outside our dorm

**mark’s child:** why do you hate me ;-;

**i’m still in nct dream:** mark lee, confirmed to be a mean parent

**babysitter:** i’m not mean >-<

**babysitter:** i just like keeping order

**real life angel:** we're not making mark’s life any easier by staying awake

**mark's child:** fair point

**mark's child:** time to binge anime then!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BOY EP. 8
> 
> I WAS HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME WATCHING MARKHYUCK AND THEN THE ENDING
> 
> REALITY HIT ME AND I'M NOT OKAY Y'ALL


	18. "OH SHIT WRONG CHAT"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cuddle king: i am literally going to go to your fucking dorm just to choke you
> 
> renjun’s child: tbh he’s probably into that
> 
> babysitter: WHY DO ALL THE KIDS KNOW SO MUCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> babysitter (mark)  
> real life angel (renjun)  
> cuddle king (jeno)  
> mark's bae (donghyuck)  
> i'm still in nct dream (jaemin)  
> renjun's child (chenle)  
> mark's child (jisung)
> 
> Note: This is the last chapter I've written so far that is somewhat Sad™. Idk I guess I like hurting my bias in this fic ¯\\(ツ)/¯

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **i’m still in nct dream:** hey bby i’m alone in the dorm rn if you wanna come over  (Winking Face )

 **i’m still in nct dream:** no pressure ofc but it would be nice to see my sunshine again  (Growing Heart )

 **mark’s child:** congrats on exposing yourself in the group chat dumbass  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

 **mark’s bae:** I’M IN TEARS

 **mark’s bae:** NANA YOU FUCKED UP

 **i’m still in nct dream:** OH SHIT WRONG CHAT

 **babysitter:** you’d better have a good cover story…

 **babysitter:** or is2g i’ll tell taeyong

 **i’m still in nct dream:** LOOK I’M SORRY

 **real life angel:** who tf were you messaging?  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **renjun’s child:** hopefully his _girlfriend_

 **i’m still in nct dream:** can we just pretend this didn’t happen

 **mark’s bae:** lmao no  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **mark’s bae:** we’re gonna drag your ass until the end

 **cuddle king:** pm me **@i’m still in nct dream**

 **mark’s child:** ok but seriously who was supposed to receive that proposition

 **babysitter:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PROPOSITIONING

 **mark’s child:** calm your tiddies

 **mark’s child:** your bf jokes about it all the time

 **mark’s bae:** oops i gotta go lol

 **babysitter:** not before i lecture you about making dirty jokes in front of my son :)

 **real life angel:** what happened with jeno and jaemin?

 **real life angel:** talking in pm?

 **mark’s child:** they’re conspiring

 **renjun’s child:** **@cuddle king** lol where u at?

 **cuddle king:** we’re in the same room

 **cuddle king:** use your fucking eyes

 **renjun’s child:** wow ok it was just a question

 **real life angel:** everything good? **@cuddle king**

 **cuddle king:** yeah nana’s just an idiot

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i don’t think insulting me is helping

 **cuddle king:** it’s making me feel better about myself :)

 **i’m still in nct dream:** fuck off

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i retract my invitation you asshat

 **mark’s bae:** hmm

 **mark’s bae:** what was that, nana?

 **mark’s bae:** “invitation”

 **cuddle king:** i am literally going to go to your fucking dorm just to choke you

 **renjun’s child:** tbh he’s probably into that

 **babysitter:** WHY DO ALL THE KIDS KNOW SO MUCH

 **mark’s bae:** i trained them well  (Relieved Face )

 **mark’s child:** **@i’m still in nct dream** wow you were inviting over _jeno?_

 **i’m still in nct dream:** no comment

 **babysitter:** _someone_ sounds guilty af

 **real life angel:** (Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife)(Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife)(Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife)

 **i’m still in nct dream:** IT WAS PLATONIC I SWEAR

 **cuddle king:** don’t be mad :(

 **real life angel:** you called him your “sunshine”

 **mark’s bae:** wtf y’all know _i’m_ the actual sun

 **babysitter:** honey you _are_

 **babysitter:** but let those losers argue over nothing

 **real life angel:** THIS ISN’T A POINTLESS ARGUMENT **@babysitter**

 **real life angel:** BY YOUR LOGIC YOU’D BE OK IF I TOLD YOU THAT YOUR BF IS HOT

 **mark’s bae:** i know i’m hot though lol

 **mark’s bae:** specifically 5,600°c because like i say, i’m the sun

 **renjun’s child:** you googled that

 **mark’s bae:** you right

 **babysitter:** **@real life angel** he ain’t my fucking bf and ok maybe i get it

 **i’m still in nct dream:** bitch are you telling me i can’t be nice to my bff

 **real life angel:** you sure he’s just your bff?

 **real life angel:** that’s the kind of message you should’ve sent to your gf  (Thinking Face )

 **i’m still in nct dream:** don’t judge me

 **cuddle king:** guys pls :’(

 **mark’s child:** yeah guys calm down!!! you don’t want to upset your shared bf!!!

 **real life angel:** you’re dead to me **@mark’s child**

 **cuddle king:** let me explain what i can

 **cuddle king:** yeah, he calls me his “sunshine” sometimes. also i know he referred to me as “bby”. but i promise it’s platonic!!!

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i was just being playful :(

 **real life angel:** next time :) hit on your fucking girlfriend :) and not jeno :)

 **babysitter:** holy fuck who knew renjun was so possessive?

 **renjun’s child:** lol you’re just asking for him to get at you next

 **mark’s child:** i am such a hoe for this group chat drama

 **real life angel:** **@babysitter** you wanna try me bitch?

 **babysitter:** lmao you’re so petty today

 **real life angel:** you think so?

 **real life angel:** **@mark’s bae** where you at?

 **mark’s bae:** oh i see how it is  (Smirking Face )

 **mark’s bae:** i’m out rn but i’ll pm you the address?

 **real life angel:** (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **renjun’s child:** omg is this actually happening?

 **babysitter:** i’m speechless

 **mark’s child:** “speechless”, which is why you’re messaging us still

 **cuddle king:** **@real life angel** what are you doing?

 **real life angel:** me? i’m going to have some fun  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **real life angel:** **@mark’s bae** i’ll be there in ten mins btw

 **i’m still in nct dream:** this is all my fault

 **babysitter:** someone explain what the hell is going on

 **renjun’s child:** :(

 **cuddle king:** **@real life angel** this seriously isn’t funny

 **cuddle king:** **@real life angel** what did i do to you

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i’m really sorry i didn’t mean to do this

 **mark’s bae:** my buddy is here  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **babysitter:** wtf are you playing at?

 **mark’s bae:** helping a friend in need

 **real life angel:** _[image attached]_

 **real life angel:** hanging out with my new bff  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **real life angel:** hurts, doesn’t it?

 **cuddle king:** yes it fucking does so _please_ stop

 **babysitter:** both of you come home before you make this worse

 **mark’s bae:** no

 **mark’s bae:** because that image might not show it, but right now i’m with someone who is _heartbroken_ about what’s going on

 **mark’s bae:** and maybe you’re right, maybe this is just upsetting more people, but if it’s making him feel better then i’m not going to stop him

 **mark’s bae:** got it?

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i didn’t think it would hurt him so much

 **renjun’s child:** we always mess up like this and get him upset

 **renjun’s child:** why are we so insensitive?

 **babysitter:** for a kid, you’re pretty wise

 **mark’s child:** yeah and we all know that rj is sensitive anyway

 **mark’s child:** we’re really bad friends, aren’t we?

 **real life angel:** no, just insensitive

 **real life angel:** i thought you were all aware that i’m really spooked by all this relationship stuff and you keep finding ways to make me doubt that i’m doing the right thing

 **real life angel:** and right now, hyuck is giving me some pretty good support and i think i startled the lot of you into realising how shitty you’ve all been being

 **real life angel:** except chenle, we’re cool :)

 **renjun’s child:** i’m here for you :’)

 **cuddle king:** look i’m so sorry for unintentionally contributing to this

 **cuddle king:** tell me if i can do anything for you

 **real life angel:** there is

 **real life angel:** take up jaemin’s offer and go to the rookie dorms

 **real life angel:** i think i made you both feel guilty enough already for this and you two probably deserve to comfort each other

 **real life angel:** platonically, of course

 **i’m still in nct dream:** is this a joke because i really don’t appreciate it

 **mark’s bae:** he’s being serious, believe me

 **mark’s bae:** he feels bad for overreacting so much that he upset you both

 **cuddle king:** then if you’re positive, i’ll head over there now

 **babysitter:** this is all sorted now?

 **real life angel:** yep

 **real life angel:** sorry again for making a drama :’)

 **mark’s child:** let’s agree not to upset each other like this again?

 **renjun’s child:** agreed!!!

 **babysitter:** agreed :)

 **babysitter:** and that counts for all of us agreeing who aren’t busy right now

 **babysitter:** from now on this group chat will be positive vibes only~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If (and when) we get the announcement that Mark is graduating Dream, should I continue this fic with the seven original kids or move him out of it? Obviously it would be easier to keep him in because I love writing Mark, but what do you think?
> 
> Additionally, if (and when) new members are added, should I put them in this fic too? That is, if this fic is still going when there are more members.


	19. someBODY ONCE TOLD ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark’s bae: google “shrek is love, shrek is life”
> 
> shrek is love: nO DON’T
> 
> cuddle king: not in public, obviously
> 
> cuddle king: i’d suggest using headphones to watch it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> shrek is love (mark)  
> real life angel (renjun)  
> cuddle king (jeno)  
> mark's bae (donghyuck)  
> i'm still in nct dream (jaemin)  
> renjun's child (chenle)  
> mark's child (jisung)
> 
> Note: I wasn't going to post another chapter so soon, but I think NCTzens need some love right now. Group hug for Hansol stans. I'm here for y'all.

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

_mark’s bae changed babysitter’s nickname to shrek is love_

**mark’s child:** lmao what?

 **cuddle king:** hmm  (Smirking Face )

 **cuddle king:** **@mark’s bae** you showed him that video?

 **renjun’s child:** oh i liked shrek too!!!

 **mark’s bae:** lol this ain’t about shrek

 **shrek is love:** WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i’m actually crying omfg

 **real life angel:** i don’t get it either?

 **mark’s bae:** google “shrek is love, shrek is life”

 **shrek is love:** nO DON’T

 **cuddle king:** not in public, obviously

 **cuddle king:** i’d suggest using headphones to watch it  (Winking Face )

 **shrek is love:** IGNORE THOSE TWO

 **shrek is love:** THEY’RE TRYING TO CORRUPT YOU

 **real life angel:** did anyone just hear chenle scream?

 **i’m still in nct dream:** i did omg

 **mark’s child:** dskgklg

 **mark’s child:** i’m triggered

 **shrek is love:** ARE YOU _BOTH_ WATCHING IT

 **real life angel:** HE’S STILL SCREAMING

 **mark’s bae:** i’m surprised i can’t hear him tbh

 **cuddle king:** where tf are you then

 **mark’s bae:** living it up in the 127 dorm lol

 **mark’s bae:** it was those losers who showed mark that video

 **renjun’s child:** SHREK WAS MY HERO

 **i’m still in nct dream:** not anymore?

 **mark’s child:** he’s scandalised by it  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **shrek is love:** i actually hate everything that’s happening rn

 **cuddle king:** who was it who actually showed it to you?

 **mark’s bae:** yuta put a link in the group chat

 **mark’s bae:** there are mixed opinions about it lol

 **mark’s bae:** johnny and jaehyun said it was “a work of modern art”

 **i’m still in nct dream:** they haven’t changed :’)

 **shrek is love:** doyoung watched the video and then immediately went to beat up yuta

 **mark’s bae:** taeyong told him off for attempting to “ruin our innocence”

 **real life angel:** he thinks you two are still innocent?

 **real life angel:** fake

 **shrek is love:** taeil just said he wasn’t surprised and spammed the chat with gifs of cats

 **shrek is love:** and i think sicheng broke ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **renjun’s child:** omg no!!!  (Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )

 **real life angel:** i’ll send him a message and check he’s ok~

 **cuddle king:** all their reactions are so typical of them  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’m still in nct dream:** tag yourself i’m taeil

 **mark’s child:** **@mark’s bae** how did you and mark react to it?

 **mark’s bae:** lol mark was in shock and i just thought it was hilarious

 **mark’s bae:** did we traumatise themaknaes?

 **renjun’s child:** i’m never watching shrek again

 **mark’s bae:** lmao you weaklings

 **mark’s bae:** if you can’t handle shrek is love, shrek is life then you’re too innocent for the internet  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **shrek is love:** don’t you fucking corrupt my kids

 **i’m still in nct dream:** idk man maybe they _need_ to be corrupted before someone else does it lol

_shrek is love changed their own nickname to someBODY ONCE TOLD ME_

**someBODY ONCE TOLD ME:** you wanted me to have a shitty shrek nickname?

_mark’s bae changed someBODY ONCE TOLD ME’s nickname to get shrekt_

**mark’s bae:** (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **get shrekt:** is it new nickname time?

 **cuddle king:** hyung, it’s _always_ new nickname time

_cuddle king changed real life angel’s nickname to cinnamon roll_

_cuddle king changed their own nickname to what is a line_

_what is a line changed mark’s bae’s nickname to meme dealer_

_what is a line changed i’m still in nct dream’s nickname to petty_

_what is a line changed renjun’s child’s nickname to future ceo of sm_

_what is a line changed mark’s child’s nickname to probably 12_

**petty:** tf jeno you’re supposed to be on my side

 **what is a line:** you are petty af though

 **get shrekt:** why don’t i get a name change

 **meme dealer:** because your bae gave you that lovely name  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **get shrekt:** bae? idk him

 **meme dealer:** (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **cinnamon roll:** why is my name cinnamon roll?

 **probably 12:** because you’re too good for this world

 **what is a line:** too pure :’)

 **probably 12:** also who tf are you calling 12

 **probably 12:** you literally knew me when i was 12

 **probably 12:** i had a fucking glo up since then

 **future ceo of sm:** you were a cute kid though!!!

 **probably 12:** damn right i was

 **probably 12:** now i’m a VISUAL

 **meme dealer:** bitch y’all know _i’m_ the visual in nct

 **what is a line:** yet i’m the only one of us who is OFFICIALLY a visual

 **cinnamon roll:** who cares

 **get shrekt:** we’re all friends :) who cares who the visual is :)

 **meme dealer:** BUT IT’S _ME_

 **what is a line:** LITERALLY I DON’T DO ANYTHING ELSE

 **what is a line:** I’M THE VISUAL

 **probably 12:** I’LL FIGHT YOU BOTH

 **future ceo of sm:** *sigh*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's never seen Shrek? It's me, bitch.
> 
> But I have seen Shrek Is Love, Shrek Is Life more than once /and/ convinced other people to watch it (this was years ago lol). It is truly an inspiring work of art, though not something you want to watch on loud-speaker.
> 
> About the Hansol stuff - I've only been an NCTzen since January so I missed all the SMRookies shit, but it's still sad we've lost one of our NCT family. There are a few people in the NCTzen group chat who are legit broken about this, including one person who was questioning whether they could continue stanning without Hansol (until we reminded her how whipped she is for Yukhei lol). Let's stand strong during this hard time?


	20. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get shrekt: lbr jisung would definitely have mcnuggets as food at his wedding
> 
> probably 12: i can't deny that lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> get shrekt (mark)  
> cinnamon roll (renjun)  
> what is a line (jeno)  
> meme dealer (donghyuck)  
> petty (jaemin)  
> future ceo of sm (chenle)  
> probably 12 (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **petty:** guess who is currently on a DATE?

 **probably 12:** mark and hyuck?

 **what is a line:** tbh they actually _are_ lol

 **what is a line:** they went to the arcade together

 **cinnamon roll:** up your game jeno and take me on a fucking date

 **what is a line:** i would but i have no money

 **what is a line:** i spent it all on video games oops

 **future ceo of sm:** same omg

 **petty:** why do y’all care so little that i, the great na jaemin, am actually on a date right now?

 **probably 12:** because that’s fake

 **petty:** i’ll send pics if you really don’t believe me

 **cinnamon roll:** legit question

 **cinnamon roll:** if you’re actually on a date, why are you messaging us instead of talking to your date (who i assume is hina)

 **petty:** i’m waiting to order food and she’s got a table

 **petty:** also i’m terrified  (Tired Face )

 **what is a line:** you’ll be fine :)

 **what is a line:** just turn on your natural charm and i promise your date will go fine ^^

 **petty:** ilu my bro  (Two Hearts )

 **cinnamon roll:** what have i told you

 **petty:** idgaf

 **petty:** gtg i gotta order food now  (Waving Hand Sign ≊ Waving Hand)

 **probably 12:** what a loser

 **what is a line:** he's _our_ loser  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **cinnamon roll:** heck no i don't want responsibility for him

 **probably 12:** what do people even _do_ on dates?

 **what is a line:** precious child :’)

 **cinnamon roll:** well i guess you hang out somewhere and spend time together

 **cinnamon roll:** some people go out for meals but the main thing is that you get to know your date

 **future ceo of sm:** i kinda want to go on a date now

 **probably 12:** tomorrow after practice?

 **future ceo of sm:** oh wow ok

 **future ceo of sm:** wasn't expecting anything that sudden

 **future ceo of sm:** but count me in!!!!

 **cinnamon roll:** omg

 **cinnamon roll:** my son is growing up  (Crying Face )

 **what is a line: @get shrekt @meme dealer** THE MAKNAES ARE GOING ON A DATE

 **probably 12:** stop acting like it's a big deal

 **get shrekt:** THIS IS AMAZING

 **get shrekt:** CONGRATS

 **meme dealer:** invite us to the wedding

 **future ceo of sm:** renjun will be best man ^^

 **cinnamon roll:** (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart ) (Beating Heart )

**probably 12:** like hell i’m inviting you **@meme dealer**

 **meme dealer:** bitch y'all know i’d be the life of the party

 **what is a line:** more like you'd be eating all the food on the buffet

 **get shrekt:** lbr jisung would definitely have mcnuggets as food at his wedding

 **probably 12:** i can't deny that lol

 **cinnamon roll:** please god tell me you'd serve mcflurries

 **probably 12:** for you ;)

 **future ceo of sm:** are you _flirting_ with him?  (Unamused Face )

 **what is a line: @cinnamon roll** is he _flirting_ with you?  (Face With Cold Sweat )

 **meme dealer:** imagine jisung and renjun dating though lol

 **meme dealer:** could renjun even reach to kiss him?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **cinnamon roll:** IF YOU'RE GONNA CALL ME SHORT, SAY IT TO MY FACE (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **get shrekt:** hate to interrupt :)

 **get shrekt:** but hyuck and i won't be able to reply for a bit :)

 **meme dealer:** we’re on a date y'all

 **what is a line:** i kinda wish i could provide cool dates too :/

 **cinnamon roll:** then save your money next time, asshat

 **future ceo of sm: @what is a line** lol what game did you even spend all your money on?

 **what is a line:** i'm very late to the party

 **what is a line:** but persona 5  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

 **probably 12:** he lets me sit with him while he plays it if i've been good

 **future ceo of sm:** but you're _always_ good!!!

 **cinnamon roll:** ^^ you sure we're talking about the same person here?

 **probably 12:** heck off hyung

 **probably 12:** fun fact!!!! nct 127’s song angel was actually written about me  (Relieved Face )

 **what is a line:** more like exo’s monster was written about you

 **probably 12:** dsfgly

 **future ceo of sm:** lol

 **probably 12:** DON’T “LOL” ME

 **probably 12:** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON _MY_ SIDE

 **future ceo of sm:** just because you’re cute doesn’t mean i can’t tease you  (Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )

 **cinnamon roll:** literally i can’t deal with you maknaes being all loved up

 **cinnamon roll:** and y’all called _me_ loved up smh…

 **probably 12:** well if you’re saying that just because i’m nct’s baby then you are AGEIST

 **what is a line:** says the guy who literally calls mark old every two seconds

 **probably 12:** because he _is_ old

 **what is a line:** btw **@cinnamon roll**

 **what is a line:** i know i have literally no money to provide a nice date but fancy sitting with me while i play persona?

 **cinnamon roll:** ok  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **future ceo of sm:** lol jisung you just lost your place

 **probably 12:** you’ll learn not to disrespect me when i become leader

 **what is a line:** we’ll probably have graduated by then lol

 **what is a line:** have fun leading your own bunch of toddlers

 **probably 12:** at least _my_ bunch of toddlers will be better than mark’s bunch of toddlers

 **cinnamon roll:** did you intentionally just diss yourself or are you a fucking idiot?

 **probably 12:** you’re so mean to me  >-<

 **probably 12:** what did i ever do to you?

 **cinnamon roll:** existed

 **future ceo of sm:** HE’S NOT _THAT_ BAD

 **cinnamon roll:** you’re only saying that because you’re in love

 **future ceo of sm:** that is something i cannot deny

 **probably 12:** THANK YOU CHENLE

 **probably 12:** I’M GLAD _SOMEONE_ APPRECIATES ME

 **cinnamon roll:** dw i’m just preparing you for the slander you’ll get when you become leader

 **probably 12:** thanks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hit 100 kudos!!! And we got 2000 hits, which is a first for any of my fics!!! Not only that, but my JeJun fic (You Perfectly Completed Me) hit 127 kudos. Thank you everyone - I really appreciate the support!
> 
> I think I caught Freshers' Flu and I'm kind of dying. I was sort of suffering from a cold and then I decided it would be a great idea to do SNSD karaoke (plus a bunch of other girl groups)... so basically my voice is also dying too. Help.
> 
> I also made a swear counter for this fic (because apparently I have too much free time on my hands). Most potty-mouthed is Hyuck at 90 swears (that's an average of 4.5 swears per chapter). Mark is in a close second with 82 (4.1 per chapter). Chenle is least with 11 (0.55 per chapter).


	21. Pizza Party!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> future ceo of sm: i’m hungry can someone order take-out?
> 
> what is a line: you’re literally the richest person here
> 
> what is a line: order your own fucking take-out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> get shrekt (mark)  
> cinnamon roll (renjun)  
> what is a line (jeno)  
> meme dealer (donghyuck)  
> petty (jaemin)  
> future ceo of sm (chenle)  
> probably 12 (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **petty:** y’all i’m in love

 **cinnamon roll:** no, you’re in the rookie dorm

 **petty:** alright mr. funny guy

 **meme dealer:** wtf _i’m_ supposed to be the funny one???

 **meme dealer:** don’t disregard me

 **get shrekt:** **@petty** sounds like your relationship is going well

 **petty:** THANK YOU MARK FOR CARING

 **future ceo of sm:** i’m hungry can someone order take-out?

 **what is a line:** you’re literally the richest person here

 **what is a line:** order your own fucking take-out

 **future ceo of sm:** well if you’re gonna be like that then i won’t let you steal any of my food  (Relieved Face )

 **petty:** do you guys really not want to hear what i have to say?

 **probably 12:** you said it, not us (:

 **what is a line:** jisung stfu

 **cinnamon roll:** **@petty** go on nana :)

 **petty:** ok!!! i’m glad y’all actually want to know!!!

 **petty:** i’m just so whipped, you know? hina is great and we get along really well. she vents to me about training, i vent to her about all my problems. i totally should have asked her out sooner!!!!!!

 **get shrekt:** i’m glad you’re happy **@petty**

 **future ceo of sm:** what pizza toppings does everyone want?

 **what is a line:** welp i guess chenle ruined that convo

 **probably 12:** **@future ceo of sm** put chicken on that bitch

 **meme dealer:** YES WE NEED CHICKEN ON IT

 **petty:** (Unamused Face )

**future ceo of sm:** ok i ordered some chicken pizzas and i paid extra to cut the queue so we should be seeing some pizzas soon  (Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )

 **what is a line:** you’re the hero we didn’t know we needed  (Growing Heart )

 **probably 12:** PIZZA PARTY!!!!

 **petty:** it’s fine :’) i’ll just manage here :’)

 **cinnamon roll:** you could always join us?

 **petty:** i don’t want to spoil your fun

 **get shrekt:** nana you _never_ spoil our fun

 **probably 12:** except for that one time you did the washing and turned all of mark’s white t-shirts into pink “by accident”

 **get shrekt:** i’ll actually backhand you **@probably 12**

 **get shrekt:** but seriously, nana, you’re still one of us :)

 **petty:** i’m not really though

 **petty:** what’s the point in getting my hopes up

 **petty:** by the time i’m healthy enough to cope with such a packed schedule, i’ll be too old or half of you will have already graduated

 **what is a line:** nana?  (Crying Face )

 **cinnamon roll:** **@petty** anyone who says you aren’t one of us is an idiot

 **meme dealer:** even once we graduate from dream, we’re still dreamies at heart

 **meme dealer:** so you’re still in dream to us  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **probably 12:** oooh the pizza is here!!!

 **petty:** thanks guys  (Loudly Crying Face )

 **future ceo of sm:** btw guys jisung is serving the pizza in the kitchen if you want to come and get a slice or two

 **meme dealer:** count me in

 **get shrekt:** nana, you ok now?

 **petty:** chenle did you do this???

 **cinnamon roll:** you’re not gonna get a reply out of him right now

 **cinnamon roll:** he’s busy filling his mouth with pizza

 **get shrekt:** **@petty** what’s happening?

 **petty:** yukhei hyung just brought in a fucking pizza and said it had been delivered to me?

 **what is a line:** what flavour

 **meme dealer:** PPALGAN MAT

 **petty:** IT’S ANOTHER CHICKEN PIZZA

 **petty:** SOMEONE VERBALLY ASK CHENLE IF IT WAS HIM

 **cinnamon roll:** “i didn’t want to leave him out” - chenle

 **cinnamon roll:** so proud of my son rn

 **petty:** TELL HIM HE’S MY NUMBER ONE BAE

 **what is a line:** bitch i thought that was me

 **meme dealer:** it’s ok jeno you can be my bae :)

 **cinnamon roll:** HYUCK DON’T MAKE ME FIGHT YOU

 **get shrekt:** YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOU’RE _MY_ BAE DON’T YOU FUCKING DISRESPECT ME **@meme dealer**

 **petty:** well i guess i’m going to eat my pizza :’)

 **probably 12:** PIZZA BREAK!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're sad and you know it because of SNSD clap your hands!!!
> 
> Aaaand... now all my favourite members aren't there anymore. Group hug to y'all.


	22. The Sock Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> petty: [image attached]
> 
> petty: and now you own a beautiful picture of me posing with your socks
> 
> probably 12: jeno’s probably downloaded that picture for when he’s “down” late at night
> 
> what is a line: jisung what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> get shrekt (mark)  
> cinnamon roll (renjun)  
> what is a line (jeno)  
> meme dealer (donghyuck)  
> petty (jaemin)  
> future ceo of sm (chenle)  
> probably 12 (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **what is a line:** one of you is an asshole and i’m gonna find out who

 **meme dealer:** too vague

 **meme dealer:** we’re _all_ assholes

 **what is a line:** i’m talking about the person who went through ALL MY SOCKS AND TOOK AWAY ONE FROM EACH PAIR

 **what is a line:** I ONLY HAVE MISMATCHING SOCKS

 **what is a line:** I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS

 **get shrekt:** stop being a fucking drama queen and just wear odd socks

 **what is a line:** sToP bEiNg A fUcKiNg DrAmA qUeEn AnD jUsT wEaR oDd SoCkS

 **probably 12:** or go sockless

 **what is a line:** WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM

 **probably 12:** deeply flawed

 **meme dealer:** dumb

 **future ceo of sm:** you’re 6/10 or lower

 **petty:** your looks don’t hide your shitty personality

 **what is a line:** WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO ATTACK ME LIKE THIS  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **cinnamon roll:** don’t listen to those idiots

 **cinnamon roll:** you’re perfect the way you are  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **what is a line:** I AM IN LOVE

 **probably 12:** jeno’s fucking whipped

 **get shrekt:** do you blame him when renjun was the _only_ _person_ in this whole fucking chat that said anything nice to him?

 **meme dealer:** ok sometimes the truth hurts but you still gotta hear it

 **what is a line:** i still want to know what happened to my fucking socks

 **future ceo of sm:** when did you last see your socks?

 **petty:** no one cares about your missing socks omg

 **what is a line:** any connection we had has officially ended :)

 **what is a line:** and i guess i last saw them yesterday morning?

 **get shrekt:** i forbid you two from falling out over missing _socks_

 **get shrekt:** we have enough fucking arguments in this group chat can we have _one day_ of chill?

 **cinnamon roll:** petition for us to have a swear jar

 **meme dealer:** swears??? right in front of _my_ salad???

 **future ceo of sm:** what salad?

 **meme dealer:** google it ;)

 **cinnamon roll:** DO NOT GOOGLE

 **future ceo of sm:** someone tell me what it means then

 **get shrekt:** it’s a… meme?

 **future ceo of sm:** _you’re_ a meme

 **probably 12:** WHAT IS EVERYONE’S FAVE MEME

 **meme dealer:** y’all already know my fave meme

 **meme dealer:** boOMING SYSTEM UH UH

 **petty:** whenever you say that in front of taeyong he low-key looks like he wants to die

 **meme dealer:** because the man can’t accept the greatest moment of his career was while featuring in a red velvet mv

 **meme dealer:** his ass wishes that people appreciated around more lol

 **get shrekt:** only 90s kids remember open the door

 **what is a line:** ok mark we get it you’re taeyong’s biggest fan

 **get shrekt:** I’M NOT HIS BIGGEST FAN

 **cinnamon roll:** but you’re the biggest hit (on the stage)

 **meme dealer:** sounds like someone wants to join 127 :)

 **probably 12:** wtf i can’t even imagine renjun in 127 lol?

 **probably 12:** he’s too nice

 **get shrekt:** WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING

 **probably 12:** if anyone from this group would fit 127’s image it would be me obvs

 **petty:** tbh he’s probably right

 **future ceo of sm:** your image may be more badass but you’re still cute don’t deny it

 **what is a line:** chenle calling jisung cute is my aesthetic

 **meme dealer:** no one else said what their fave meme was :(

 **get shrekt:** my fave meme is you  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **meme dealer:** i want to be offended but i can’t when it’s you saying it  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **cinnamon roll:** nice to see that you idiots talking about memes distracted us from talking about the missing socks

 **petty:** shhh why did you mention it again

 **petty:** he’d totally forgotten

 **what is a line:** bitch how could i forget the fact that one of you lot stole my fucking socks

 **future ceo of sm:** just saying i would never go near your socks so i’m innocent

 **get shrekt:** you’ll find the socks eventually so can we just move on?

 **what is a line:** so you’d like it if i stole half of your socks?

 **what is a line:** didn’t think so

 **get shrekt:** like i said before, i’d just wear odd socks

 **meme dealer:** idk if i can date a man who lives so recklessly he’s willing to wear ODD SOCKS

 **probably 12:** you weren’t dating him in the first place

 **meme dealer:** who knows what the future holds ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **future ceo of sm:** yeah, it’s almost like the future has some of us debuting in a new unit soon  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **get shrekt:** will i get a nap before the end of the year? stay tuned for more news

 **what is a line:** well whatever the future holds, i doubt it has any lines for me lol

 **cinnamon roll:** maybe try not be such a pessimist? sm might treat you with lines one day

 **petty:** fake

 **probably 12:** who cares what the next unit is

 **probably 12:** we should debut the no lines squad

 **what is a line:** rumour has it that some of us might be busy in the next few months  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **meme dealer:** well rumour has it i’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t stop talking about “rumours” :)

 **get shrekt:** remember last time we tried to get edgy talking about shit that would never happen?

 **meme dealer:** i didn’t make his ass leave

 **get shrekt:** ANYWAY :)

 **cinnamon roll:** you two idiots killed the mood

 **meme dealer:** i’m good at doing that in this group chat

 **petty:** ok something weird just happened that is going to sound really suspicious but i need to share it with y’all

 **petty:** jungwoo hyung just brought me a plastic bag that was left outside the dorm with my name written on it…

 **petty:** guess what’s in the bag

 **probably 12:** drugs

 **get shrekt:** jisung no

 **petty:** i guess no one wants to know  (Relieved Face )

 **future ceo of sm:** what was in the bag?

 **petty:** good to know at least one of you is interested

 **petty:** i’ve been sent a bag full of odd socks

 **petty:** discuss

 **what is a line:** WHAT

 **cinnamon roll:** this is so dumb

 **petty:** dsagfh so one of you lot just sent me a pm asking me if i liked my gift

 **meme dealer:** someone’s having some fun with this missing sock situation

 **what is a line:** ARE THEY MY SOCKS

 **petty:** _[image attached]_

 **petty:** and now you own a beautiful picture of me posing with your socks

 **probably 12:** jeno’s probably downloaded that picture for when he’s “down” late at night

 **what is a line:** jisung what the fuck

 **get shrekt:** every time you make a dirty joke a part of me dies

 **probably 12:** ok dad

 **meme dealer:** can we only kinkshame him if he says daddy?

 **cinnamon roll:** ^^ and you lot wonder why the kids are making more obscene jokes

 **probably 12:** now mark’s an adult we don’t have to worry about the morality of those jokes now

 **get shrekt:** I’M THE ONLY ADULT IN THIS CHAT

 **get shrekt:** IT’S WEIRDER WHEN IT’S YOU LOT MAKING WEIRD JOKES AIMED AT ME

 **future ceo of sm:** did the missing sock situation end or something?

 **cinnamon roll:** jeno’s trying to interrogate nana over pm

 **cinnamon roll:** so which one of us did it?

 **meme dealer:** because the culprit would be stupid enough to admit it in a group chat

 **cinnamon roll:** given that it’s probably either you or jisung, both of you _are_ stupid enough to do that

 **get shrekt:** while i appreciate you believing that i’m innocent, why should we believe that _you_ didn’t do it?

 **probably 12:** who are you calling stupid? i’m offended

 **cinnamon roll:** why the hell would i steal my boyfriend’s socks

 **future ceo of sm:** wait what

 **meme dealer:** RENJUN

 **get shrekt:** IS THIS REAL

 **probably 12:** **@what is a line @petty** ;) ;)

 **petty:** why did you tag me

 **probably 12:** scroll up

_cinnamon roll left the chat_

**meme dealer:** NO WE DID IT AGAIN

 **petty:** ARE THEY REALLY DATING

 **get shrekt:** looks like _someone_ is purposefully avoiding opening the chat  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **get shrekt:** **@what is a line**

 **future ceo of sm:** please tell me we didn’t upset him again

 **what is a line:** he’s fine, you assholes

 **probably 12:** so are we going to get a confirmation or nah?

 **meme dealer: @what is a line** is he honestly alright? because we have a bad history with getting him upset over shit like this and i don’t want to do that again

 **petty:** awww hyuck’s a reformed man :)

 **what is a line:** i promise he’s ok

 **what is a line:** he was just a bit shocked he accidently put that in the group chat and he didn’t want to be interrogated

 **get shrekt:** so… you two _are_ dating?

 **what is a line:** yes

 **petty:** SIS I’M SO PROUD

 **future ceo of sm:** i’m happy for you guys!!!

 **get shrekt:** how long have you two actually been dating?

 **what is a line:** since the whole thing with nana putting that message in the chat inviting me to hang out with him? you know, when rj went to hang out with hyuck as revenge?

 **meme dealer:** you two are already my fave couple :’)

_future ceo of sm added cinnamon roll to the chat_

**future ceo of sm:** let's be a happy family again  (Ok Hand Sign ≊ Ok Hand)

 **cinnamon roll:** i think i proved that it wasn't me who stole the socks

 **what is a line:** i already knew it wasn't you but whatever ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **get shrekt:** so now we're at the point where the suspects are me, hyuck, nana, chenle and the demon child

 **petty:** how the hell is it me when i received the bag of missing socks _and_ got a pm from the thief?

 **meme dealer:** screenshots or it didn’t happen

 **petty:** alright bitch

 **petty:** _[image attached]_

 

* * *

 

(screenshot of private chat - **OMITTED** )

 

 **OMITTED:** did you enjoy the gift i sent you?

 **you:** i hope to god that these socks are clean

 **OMITTED:** they are dw

 **OMITTED:** they’re straight from his dresser lol

 **you:** while i appreciate the effort you went through for this prank

 **you:** i don’t get why?

 **OMITTED:** why not?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **OMITTED:** also… it’s revenge  (Smiling Face With Horns )

 

* * *

 

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **cinnamon roll:** so we’ve just got to figure out who jeno’s offended recently

 **what is a line:** wtf guys i thought you all loved me?

 **probably 12:** nah man i only love pizza

 **future ceo of sm:** (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **probably 12:** you’re the only thing i like more than pizza  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **future ceo of sm:** you’re too cute  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **get shrekt:** JISUNG _I RAISED YOU_

 **get shrekt:** HOW CAN YOU DISREGARD ME LIKE THIS

 **probably 12:** because i’m not attracted to you and you’re also not pizza

 **meme dealer:** tbh mark _would_ be cooler if he was pizza

 **cinnamon roll:** ^^ that doesn’t even make sense

 **what is a line:** i’m still trying to figure out which one of you i did something to

 **petty:** the culprit _did_ tell me what it was but i didn’t screenshot it in case it was too obvious lol

 **petty:** it’s related to food

 **what is a line:** now i’m even more confused

 **cinnamon roll:** the culprit might as well just admit it now since he’s too dumb to figure it out by himself

 **meme dealer:** …

 **meme dealer:** surprise bitch :)

 **what is a line:** IT WAS _YOU?_

 **probably 12:** see i _told_ y’all that i was innocent

 **petty:** park jisung??? innocent??? right in front of _my_ salad???

 **meme dealer:** don’t steal my memes you hoe

 **get shrekt:** hyuck why the fuck did you want to go through his sock drawer

 **cinnamon roll:** i’m concerned tbh

 **meme dealer:** i wasn’t looking for anything lol

 **meme dealer:** though rj seems to think i might have found something in there?  (Thinking Face )

 **future ceo of sm:** drugs?

 **get shrekt:** i’m legit going to ban you from the internet to protect your innocent ass

 **cinnamon roll:** **@meme dealer** i meant that i was concerned that you’re so bored that you’ve resorted to stealing socks

 **what is a line:** i don't get it? what did i ever do to you? **@meme dealer**

 **meme dealer:** YOU BOUGHT ME DONUTS AND FILLED THEM WITH MAYO INSTEAD OF CREAM

 **probably 12:** wasn’t that like three years ago?

 **meme dealer:** I NEVER FORGET WHEN I’VE BEEN WRONGED

 **what is a line:** ok i’d be mad if i wasn’t impressed you still remembered that one prank lol

 **get shrekt:** i think we should all be scared about what other shit hyuck remembers we did years ago

 **cinnamon roll:** looks like me and chenle are safe then  (Relieved Face )

 **future ceo of sm:** also we can just run away to china if he tries to prank us

 **probably 12:** we’ve had enough fucking people on this label run away to china

 **probably 12:** can you not

 **get shrekt:** we can’t lose you two :’(

 **cinnamon roll:** it’s ok if anyone tries to mess us around like they did with the other chinese idols then i’m pretty sure taeyong will find them and beat them up

 **future ceo of sm:** plus if anyone went anywhere near me i’d tell sicheng hyung and he’d kick off at them  (Growing Heart )

 **cinnamon roll:** we china bros stick together (Ok Hand Sign ≊ Ok Hand)

 **what is a line:** we’ll protect you two with our lives!!!

 **petty:** try to sound a little less clingy lol

 **what is a line:** nana i will actually go to your dorm and fight you

 **get shrekt:** no matter what unit, no matter what nationality, we look out for each other

 **get shrekt:** that includes those who have gone, those who might go in the future and those we haven’t even met yet

 **get shrekt:** we’re all in this together

 **meme dealer:** that was acceptable until you quoted high school musical

 **petty:** “those who have gone” BRB I’M CRYING

 **petty:** I MISS SEEING HIM AROUND THIS DORM

 **cinnamon roll:** mark you’re really good at motivational speaking

 **get shrekt:** that’s why i’m leader :)

 **probably 12:** i’m going to miss you being our leader

 **get shrekt:** you’re talking about me like i’m dead

 **meme dealer:** sometimes i still hear his voice :’)

 **what is a line:** hyuck you saw that opportunity and took it

 **meme dealer:** they don’t call me the meme dealer for no reason ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this not too long after Hansol moved on, so Mark's speech at the end is particularly relevant. He might not have debuted with them, but he's still part of the NCT family.
> 
> Not sure when I'm planning to publish this. You're probably seeing this on the 12th or 13th? Anyway, I'm heading to London this weekend for RTX with my friend aaaand if we have time I'll be taking her to this really neat k-pop shop.
> 
> I went there last summer and I bought OT5 f(x) postcards and this EXO snapback (and then stopped stanning them oops) but it's a really cool place. They let you write on the walls and stuff and there's so many dumb k-pop jokes there. I have pics of me writing on the wall and right behind me is this big-ass "FREE JOHNNY 2k16" and you can see someone wrote "Woop Woop - Winwin 2k16" lol. And this is before I stanned.
> 
> Our fandom is amazing, I love y'all.


	23. Let them eat cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doesn’t even go here: [image attached]
> 
> pure: why did you take a selfie with hyuck and jeno beating each other up in the background?
> 
> hajimark: …
> 
> hajimark: you aren’t going to ask why they’re shirtless?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> get shrekt (mark)  
> cinnamon roll (renjun)  
> what is a line (jeno)  
> meme dealer (donghyuck)  
> petty (jaemin)  
> future ceo of sm (chenle)  
> probably 12 (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **get shrekt:** what the heck have i just walked into?

 **petty:** we’re not telepathic so you’re probably going to have to use more words and tell us what you’re seeing

 **get shrekt:** ok so i came back from the studio and went to our dorm

 **get shrekt:** i opened the door to the dorm and i see renjun, chenle and jisung sat on the floor with this huge ass half-eaten cake in front of them

 **get shrekt:** there are crumbs _everywhere_

 **get shrekt:** the tv is on and playing music _really fucking loud_

 **get shrekt:** i’ve failed them as a parent

 **meme dealer:** dfsgah

 **meme dealer:** we leave them in the dorm for two fucking hours and they lose it? amazing

 **get shrekt:** i just walked out of the dorm i can’t deal with this shit right now

 **what is a line:** lol where are you going to go then?

 **get shrekt:** i guess i’ll go for a walk and see if they’re still being dumb when i come back

 **get shrekt:** anyway where are you three assholes?

 **petty:** rude

 **meme dealer:** nah he’s right we _are_ assholes

 **meme dealer:** and we’re having some quality 2000 line bonding time

 **get shrekt:** apparently without renjun?

 **what is a line:** he _was_ invited

 **petty:** he said he was too tired to travel all the way here and hang out and said he’d join us next time we did this

 **petty:** though according to you, he doesn’t seem too tired for whatever the hell he’s doing right now  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **meme dealer:** _[image attached]_

 **meme dealer:** evidence that the Original™ 2000 line are together right now

 **get shrekt:** why… are you all shirtless…?

 **what is a line:** i’ve been asking myself that for the past hour

 **get shrekt:** please tell me that you _are_ actually wearing clothes

 **petty:** of course we are, dumbass

 **get shrekt:** it was a reasonable question  >-<

 **meme dealer:** you want in on some of this action, honey?  (Winking Face )

 **get shrekt:** suddenly i want nothing to do with any of you

 **what is a line:** at least accept that i’m the only one acting normally here

 **get shrekt:** jeno we’ve known each other for years

 **get shrekt:** me and you have _always_ been the only sane people here

 **petty:** SAY THAT TO MY FACE

 **get shrekt:** your ass would have to leave the rookies dorm for that to happen

 **meme dealer:** YES MARK  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

 **what is a line:** isn’t it weird that three of us are in the same room yet we’re talking in the group chat instead of irl?

 **get shrekt:** i can monitor what you idiots are doing if you’re talking in the group chat at least

 **future ceo of sm:** so jisung just threw up

 **petty:** _???_

 **meme dealer:** and out of nowhere, we get updates about the shit going down in the dorm

 **get shrekt:** **@future ceo of sm** TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON

 **future ceo of sm:** alright dad

 **petty:** dad

 **what is a line:** dad

 **meme dealer:** daddy

_get shrekt removed meme dealer from the chat_

**petty:** WOW YOU KINKSHAMED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM

 **get shrekt:** i’m 95% sure he only said that to create a reaction

 **what is a line:** and the other 5%?

 **get shrekt:** pure fear that he’s being legit

 **get shrekt:** that kid is wild af

 **future ceo of sm:** you wanted to know what’s happening here?

 **petty:** spill the beans kiddo

 **future ceo of sm:** sicheng bought me and rj this cake and challenged us to eat it so we enlisted the help of jisung

 **future ceo of sm:** he promised us money if we ate it all

 **future ceo of sm:** we’ve been suffering through our challenge for the past three hours

 **future ceo of sm:** _[image attached]_

 **future ceo of sm:** that’s how big the cake was when we got it

 **petty:** wow holy shit

 **what is a line:** how are you three still alive?

 **future ceo of sm:** we’re all dead on the inside

 **future ceo of sm:** jisung got a bit too ambitious which is why he’s currently being sick in the bathroom

 **future ceo of sm:** rj’s with him btw

 **what is a line:** he’s such an angel i love him  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

 **get shrekt:** we know

_petty added meme dealer to the chat_

**petty:** anyway we should change names again

 **what is a line:** i hear you :)

 **get shrekt:** you’re in the same room i’d be concerned if you _didn’t_ hear him

_what is a line changed get shrekt’s nickname to hajimark_

_what is a line changed cinnamon roll’s nickname to bad role model_

_what is a line changed their own nickname to 10/10 visuals_

_10/10 visuals changed meme dealer’s nickname to disappointment_

_10/10 visuals changed petty’s nickname to doesn’t even go here_

_10/10 visuals changed future ceo of sm’s nickname to pure_

_10/10 visuals changed probably 12’s nickname to baby chick_

**doesn’t even go here:** you called your boyfriend a “bad role model” omg

 **10/10 visuals:** well he _is_ influencing two babies into stuffing their faces with cake

 **pure:** you’re not wrong  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **hajimark:** is he still with jisung right now?

 **pure:** it sounds like it

 **disappointment:** tmi

 **disappointment:** also why am i called “disappointment”?

 **10/10 visuals:** because you are  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **disappointment:** SAY THAT TO MY FACE

 **hajimark:** you two are SAT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

 **pure:** omg are they seriously?

 **doesn’t even go here:** i think that means i should post another pic

 **doesn’t even go here:** _[image attached]_

 **pure:** why did you take a selfie with hyuck and jeno beating each other up in the background?

 **hajimark:** …

 **hajimark:** you aren’t going to ask why they’re shirtless?

 **pure:** well it might be hot there so they took off their shirts ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **hajimark:** and this is why your nickname is “pure”

 **10/10 visuals:** my everything hurts

 **disappointment:** “everything”?  (Smirking Face )

_10/10 visuals removed disappointment from the chat_

**pure:** ooooh renjun’s back with jisung!!!

 **hajimark:** tell him to open the group chat or i’ll tell taeyong he’s been mistreating my kids

 **pure:** i’m not your kid

 **bad role model:** what’s up mark?

 **hajimark:** explain why you’re making my son sick

 **bad role model:** cake

 **doesn’t even go here:** can i come to your dorm because i really can’t be bothered with these two fuckers fighting again

 **bad role model:** only if you’re willing to eat some of this cake

 **doesn’t even go here:** i’ll pass

 **doesn’t even go here:** mark can i join you on your walk?

 **hajimark:** i’ll pm you where i am

 **doesn’t even go here:** thanks honey

 **bad role model:** so anyway what are hyuck and jeno doing?

 **pure:** apparently beating each other up

 **pure:** look through the sent images if you need evidence

 **bad role model:** why are they _shirtless?_

 **hajimark:** idk but it’s probably hyuck’s fault

 **bad role model:** fair enough

 **doesn’t even go here:** woo i finally got out of the rookies dorm

 **doesn’t even go here:** i’m free y’all

 **baby chick:** i’m never eating cake again

 **hajimark:** don’t be fake, jisung

 **baby chick:** stfu you don’t know what i’m feeling right now

 **baby chick:** my entire existence is cake and i’m suffering

 **baby chick:** i don’t remember any tastes other than the sickening sugar in the icing

 **baby chick:** help

 **hajimark:** you poor child

 **doesn’t even go here:** jisung you’re a loser

 **baby chick:** hey how does the world look from down there, you fucking midget?

 **doesn’t even go here:** I’M NOT EVEN THAT MUCH SHORTER THAN YOU???

 **baby chick:** how do you know when you’ve been trapped in the sm basement for nearly a year?

 **doesn’t even go here:** dsgafsdg

 **10/10 visuals:** _[image attached]_

 **10/10 visuals:** i have your precious “visual” -- dh

 **10/10 visuals:** order me a pizza or i’ll be forced to act -- dh

 **bad role model:** you realise that out of context a picture of you straddling my shirtless boyfriend is really weird?

 **hajimark:** _and_ holding his hands down...

 **10/10 visuals:** you have ten minutes to send me a screenshot confirming you’ve ordered me a pizza  (Smiling Face With Halo ) \-- dh

 **doesn’t even go here:** ayyy i’m with mark now!!!

 **hajimark:** anyway i’m going to buy nana some food while we’re out so you losers can cope with whatever hyuck’s doing right now

 **bad role model:** mark why

 **10/10 visuals:** eight minutes… -- dh

 **doesn’t even go here:** why doesn’t mr. moneybags **@pure** order the pizza?

 **pure:** i don’t want to spend my pocket money on satan

 **baby chick:** your “pocket money” is more than i have in my entire bank account  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **bad role model:** i’m more curious about what hyuck’s going to do if we don’t get him the pizza

 **10/10 visuals:** well if you _really_ don’t want to get me the pizza we can always just skip past my countdown -- dh

 **bad role model:** sure, i’m willing to live dangerously today

 **pure:** wow you sold out your boyfriend _really quickly_

 **bad role model:** i ate an eighth of that cake so nothing really matters to me right now

 **10/10 visuals:** any last words to your boyfriend before i have some fun? -- dh

 **bad role model:** goodbye you lil shit

 **pure:** all the sugar killed your nice personality

 **baby chick:** he was nice??? since when???

 **10/10 visuals:** _[image attached]_

 **doesn’t even go here:** i’m so glad i decided to join mark instead of staying with you two idiots

 **pure:** i don’t get what’s happening in the picture?

 **bad role model:** you sent a photo of him watching something on your phone?

 **10/10 visuals:** yup -- dh

 **10/10 visuals:** because you decided to not get me pizza, i’m forcing him to watch two girls one cup -- dh

 **doesn’t even go here:** that video still exists?

 **bad role model:** i have no idea what that is

 **10/10 visuals:** aww he’s squirming~ -- dh

 **baby chick:** **@doesn’t even go here** what is it?

 **doesn’t even go here:** very explicit porn

 **doesn’t even go here:** i don’t recommend searching for it

 **baby chick:** i wasn’t planning to

 **pure:** why is it one cup?

 **doesn’t even go here:** lol chenle it’s best not to think about it  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **bad role model:** i’m concerned tbh

 **10/10 visuals:** update: now he’s begging me spare him  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy ) \-- dh

 **hajimark:** i have two questions

 **hajimark:** one - why don’t you just add yourself back to the chat and use your own phone?

 **hajimark:** two - can you not start showing weird kinky shit to people?

 **10/10 visuals:** to answer your first question, i’m too lazy lol -- dh

 **10/10 visuals:** and what else would i show him as a punishment for kicking me from the chat? -- dh

 **bad role model:** i mean maybe you could show him some _respect_ for once in your damn life?

 **baby chick:** daaaamn daniel

 **pure:** no he’s in wanna one

_hajimark removed pure from the chat_

**hajimark:** WE DON’T TALK ABOUT OUR NOT LABELMATES IN THIS CHAT

 **hajimark:** WE ARE _LOYAL_

 **bad role model:** unfortunately, there are less and less people on this label with each day  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **10/10 visuals:** I FINALLY GOT MY PHONE BACK

 **baby chick:** **@bad role model** (Crying Face )

 **doesn’t even go here:** DON’T

_hajimark added disappointment to the chat_

_hajimark added pure to the chat_

**hajimark:** i go away for two seconds to add these two dumbasses back to the chat and y’all are being too real

 **hajimark:** i think nana’s actually going to cry

 **pure:** wait what were you guys talking about?

 **disappointment:** oh i see how it is

 **disappointment:** you guys decided to bring the mood down (:

 **bad role model:** it’s not like we can ignore it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **hajimark:** so avoiding _that_ awkward topic

 **hajimark:** **@10/10 visuals** you still in one piece after that experience?

 **10/10 visuals:** well i’m significantly gayer than before

 **10/10 visuals:** other than that i kinda want to bleach my brain?

 **baby chick:** i feel like that whenever i see you guys doing immoral things in front of my innocent eyes

 **doesn’t even go here:** in what world are _you_ innocent?

 **baby chick:** listen bitch :)

 **bad role model:** also what immoral things are you even talking about?

 **baby chick:** last week i was sat in my room - minding my own business and playing on my ds in bed - when a _certain couple_ decide to come into the room and be all lovey-dovey

 **baby chick:** they didn’t think to check if this CHILD was in the room with them as they said soppy things like “has anyone told you how beautiful you are?” and “if you weren’t here i don’t think i’d be here either”

 **doesn’t even go here:** you gonna personally call them out or nah?  (Winking Face )

 **baby chick:** idk but i’d like to know if mark has any thoughts on this?  (Winking Face )(Winking Face )(Winking Face )

 **hajimark:** …

 **hajimark:** holy shit i didn’t know you were in the room

 **10/10 visuals:** WOW

 **disappointment:** **@baby chick** you sneaky little shit

 **baby chick:** i can’t help it if you don’t think that your ROOMMATE will be in the same room as you  (Relieved Face )

 **disappointment:** LISTEN

 **bad role model:** i’m so glad that we don’t have another roommate **@10/10 visuals**

 **doesn’t even go here:** why, what are you two getting up to that you don’t want everyone else to hear?  (Smirking Face )

 **bad role model:** nothing that you need to concern yourself with

 **pure:** ???

 **baby chick:** sounds like i’m going to need to invest in noise-cancelling headphones asap

 **10/10 visuals:** you guys are so immature is2g

 **hajimark:** i think i need to lie down and nap away my embarrassment now i know jisung heard all that shit

 **disappointment:** honey do you even know what a nap is?

 **hajimark:** touché

 **bad role model:** i would pay so much money to be in a permanent unit

 **doesn’t even go here:** ok but when they finally do the china unit you’re basically guaranteed a place

 **pure:** lbr sm aren’t going to get off their asses and sort out this china unit anytime soon

 **pure:** but are we really surprised that sm aren’t getting their shit together?

 **10/10 visuals:** wow didn’t expect chenle to be the one talking Real™

 **disappointment:** **@pure** can’t you just buy sm and save us all this suffering?

 **pure:** i’ve got more important things to spend my money on lol

 **pure:** think of all the candy i need to buy

 **doesn’t even go here:** you’re literally going to spend all your savings before you even become an adult

 **pure:** growing up is overrated tbh

 **pure:** live fast die young

 **bad role model:** chenle no

 **baby chick:** you’re really living that yolo life

 **hajimark:** it’s 2017 can we not use “yolo” in a sentence ever again?

 **disappointment:** looks like mark gets triggered by old memes

 **10/10 visuals:** same tbh

 **hajimark:** using out-of-date memes should be a crime

 **doesn’t even go here:** that’s now officially my favourite mark lee quote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from London! If you thought I couldn't come up with weirder ideas for chapters, you thought wrong *rubs hands together*
> 
> I think I'm going to try and stick to a schedule for posting on here. For now, let's say that Tuesday and Friday are posting days? I'm at the point where I only have one chapter after this pre-written and I have to come up with more ideas so I might not be able to keep to the schedule 100% but y'know... I'll try.
> 
> And we're in mid-October now. Even though I'm not really a Halloween person, I know the internet likes to get spooky so I'm doing a few spooky themed chapters. Next chapter is #2spooky and if I keep to my schedules you'll actually get a chapter on Halloween :)
> 
> (And thanks for the 127 kudos! Ilu guys <3)


	24. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOOKY: what if i rejoined the group but dressed as mark… would anyone notice?
> 
> milkman: no one noticed you were gone anyway -- rj
> 
> SPOOKY: shut up, dickweed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> hajimark (mark)  
> bad role model (renjun)  
> 10/10 visuals (jeno)  
> disappointment (donghyuck)  
> doesn't even go here (jaemin)  
> pure (chenle)  
> baby chick (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**baby chick:** why is there water dripping from the roof

**baby chick:** also why is the water _green?_

**doesn’t even go here:** what drugs are you on

**doesn’t even go here:** water is clear

**baby chick:** i know that, dumbass

**hajimark:** there’s a leak?

**baby chick:** idk i don’t think it’s water now

**baby chick:** it’s green and it looks pretty thick

**disappointment:** probably your brains leaking out of your ear because you’re so stupid

**baby chick:** shouldn’t you be making out with mark or something?

**disappointment:** you know what

**disappointment:** you’re right  (Winking Face )

**hajimark:** i cannot believe that you’re letting an actual child convince you to do something like that

**disappointment:** oh honey i don’t need much convincing  (Winking Face )

**10/10 visuals:** can you two get a fucking room?

**disappointment:** great idea my friend  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**bad role model:** go take a cold shower and calm your ass down

**baby chick:** if you assholes would stop arguing for two seconds :) :)

**baby chick:** and can SOMEONE investigate what the fuck is happening with the green goop coming through the ceiling?

**pure:** why can’t you do it?

**baby chick:** i’m hiding under my blankets because i can’t deal with this tbh

**hajimark:** you want me to come?

**bad role model:** mark that _really_ isn’t a sentence you want to be saying when hyuck is acting all weird…

**hajimark:** …

**hajimark:** good point…

**baby chick:** please i’m scared  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**disappointment:** **@bad role model** you’re such a buzzkill

**bad role model:** no i’m just being reasonable

**bad role model:** calm the fuck down

_disappointment changed bad role model’s nickname to buzzkill_

**doesn’t even go here:** i swear there’s never a day without drama at your dorm

**doesn’t even go here:** i can’t believe that it’s already been a year since i moved out and i started to miss out on all the drama  (Crying Face )

**10/10 visuals:** the constant drama is really tiring though

**pure:** yeah you were lucky to escape

**doesn’t even go here:** you say that but the drama here is really tame and i hate it so much

**doesn’t even go here:** like occasionally there will be arguments about anime and dumb shit like that

**doesn’t even go here:** but everyone’s busy most of the time with practicing for debuting

**10/10 visuals:** don’t let it get you down too much

**10/10 visuals:** you needed some calm in your life to help you recover

**buzzkill:** not to change the topic from this heartwarming one but i am NOT a buzzkill **@disappointment**

**disappointment:** nah honey you are _totally_ a buzzkill

**pure:** “honey”?

**disappointment:** i’m in a good mood ** (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) **

**doesn’t even go here:** lbr you’re just thirsty

**baby chick:** SO MARK CAME TO INVESTIGATE THE GREEN SHIT LEAKING FROM THE ROOF, TOOK ONE LOOK AT IT AND LEFT

**baby chick:** AND I GOOGLED IT AND I THINK IT’S ECTOPLASM FROM THE NCT DREAM DORM GHOST

**10/10 visuals:** i thought you didn’t believe we had a dorm ghost?

**baby chick:** DON’T SAY THAT THE GHOST MIGHT HEAR YOU AND PUNISH ME

**buzzkill:** “the ghost might hear you” friendly reminder that this is a _group chat_ and no matter how real you think that ghost is i’m pretty sure ghosts can’t work technology

**baby chick:** I’M GOING TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF THE GHOST

**pure:** do you need me to cuddle you or something?

**baby chick:** IF YOU COME IN HERE THEN YOU’RE IN DANGER TOO

**hajimark:** wow so you’re fine with _me_ hypothetically risking my life?

**baby chick:** you’ve lived longer than me and chenle so…

**hajimark:** that’s ageist tbh

_buzzkill changed disappointment’s nickname to thirsty bitch_

**doesn’t even go here:** you know there’s gonna be war when the shady nicknames come out

**thirsty bitch:** i can’t even refute this

**thirsty bitch:** i _am_ a thirsty bitch

**10/10 visuals:** thirsty for that _fRESH CAPRISUN_ BECAUSE THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT!!!

**thirsty bitch:** shut up milkman

**10/10 visuals:** i don’t deserve this slander

_thirsty bitch changed 10/10 visuals’s nickname to milkman_

**thirsty bitch:** what about _this_ slander?  (Relieved Face )

**milkman:** i REALLY don’t deserve this slander

**pure:** this is the pettiest argument i’ve ever seen

**doesn’t even go here:** we’ve had this group chat for ages and you think this lame shit is the “pettiest argument”?

**doesn’t even go here:** seriously if you were one of the mini rookies with us you would have seen even pettier shit

**hajimark:** like the time that jeno and jisung had that full on argument about whether custard is better cold or warm?

**buzzkill:** …

**buzzkill:** seriously?

**thirsty bitch:** i think our chinese members should say what side of the argument they would be on since they couldn’t participate in the original argument

**pure:** we’re just going to start world war 3 if we do that

**pure:** …but cold is best

**milkman:** YES CHENLE

**baby chick:** if i wasn’t so scared by the ghost i would find you and give you some serious side eye right now

**buzzkill:** fyi i also am on the cold custard side

**milkman:** (Growing Heart ) (Growing Heart ) (Growing Heart )

**baby chick:** why are you people so deluded?

**baby chick:** cold custard is sickening

**pure:** no??? it’s not???

**doesn’t even go here:** see i told y’all that _this_ was the actual pettiest argument

**baby chick:** OK ARGUMENT OVER

**baby chick:** SOMETHING IS BANGING UPSTAIRS

**baby chick:** SAVE ME

**buzzkill:** you and your warm custard opinions can keep on suffering

**doesn’t even go here:** sounds like things are getting #2spooky

**thirsty bitch:** **@doesn’t even go here** i bet you’ve been listening to fucking spooky scary skeletons since october 1st

**doesn’t even go here:** you know me too well bitch  (Winking Face )

**doesn’t even go here:** i’m trying to get the song’s play count to 666 and then i can finally die happy

**hajimark:** for the sake of our maknae’s sanity, i’m going upstairs to check what’s going on

**milkman:** “our maknae” says the one who is _leaving us_

**hajimark:** l o o k

**hajimark:** i’m an old man now and i gotta do old man things with the other senior citizens

**pure:** do you think people would notice if mark left the group and then we added him back and told everyone he was a different person who looked _exactly the same_ as mark but was like 300 years younger?

**buzzkill:** yes

**thirsty bitch:** if the fans can still recognise him after all the fucking hairstyles he’s had then they’re going to recognise him if we do your shitty idea

**pure:** well i thought it was a _great_ idea…

_doesn’t even go here changed their own nickname to SPOOKY_

**SPOOKY:** HALLOWEEN  > CHRISTMAS

**SPOOKY:** SORRY GUYS I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

**milkman:** looks like someone doesn’t want any christmas presents  (Relieved Face )

**SPOOKY:** wait no

**thirsty bitch:** no honey you can’t backtrack now you’ve said you think christmas is a lesser holiday than halloween  (Smirking Face )

**baby chick:** the banging has stopped!!!!

**baby chick:** i’m gonna peek out of my bed now to see if the roof is still dripping

**pure:** stay strong jisungie!!!!

**baby chick:** i think mark got rid of the ghost finally

**hajimark:** about that…

**milkman:** so what’s going on with this weird ghost shit?

**hajimark:** i’m on my way back from upstairs now

**hajimark:** let’s just say that if we actually do have a dorm ghost, that wasn’t who was responsible for this

**thirsty bitch:** do i sense drama?

**SPOOKY:** (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands) spill (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands) that (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands) tea (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

**baby chick:** are you trying to say that someone was messing with me?

**baby chick:** not cool  >-<

**hajimark:** you have those idiots johnny and jaehyun to thank for this

**baby chick:** WHAT

**buzzkill:** that seems out of character for jaehyun tbh?

**hajimark:** according to them they thought they were over hyuck’s room and wanted to prank him

**hajimark:** they didn’t realise it’d be jisung

**thirsty bitch:** THOSE ASSHOLES WANTED TO PRANK _ME?_

**SPOOKY:** you _are_ their maknae

**thirsty bitch:** STILL

**baby chick:** i’m still mad tbh

**milkman:** so we’ve established that the dorm ghost is still bullshit, right?

**pure:** no, there’s totally a ghost here!

**pure:** because the ghost keeps stealing my cookies  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

**buzzkill:** …you innocent child

**milkman:** i’m 90% sure that if anyone is stealing food, it’s probably hyuck

**thirsty bitch:** let him keep believing in that fake ass ghost while i steal his food

**thirsty bitch:** it’s not like he can’t afford to buy more anyway  (Relieved Face )

**hajimark:** we _aren’t_ being haunted

**pure:** old people like you are less likely to see ghosts therefore your opinion is irrelevant

**hajimark:** i’m literally two years older than you???

**baby chick:** yet you’re _still_ too old for this group

**hajimark:** I BUSTED A FAKE GHOST FOR YOU

**SPOOKY:** mark lee, the nct dream dorm ghostbuster

**buzzkill:** looks like you should be worried next time you come over to this dorm then, nana

**buzzkill:** mark might bust you too

**SPOOKY:** DSDFGDFA

**thirsty bitch:** yES SAVAGE RENJUN IS BACK  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

**milkman:** don’t you heart eyes emoji him, you shit

**hajimark:** too much is happening in this group chat right now

**buzzkill:** you know that old people like you find it hard to focus on complicated things

**buzzkill:** go take a nap or something

**hajimark:** i

**pure:** last time this happened, didn’t you lot lock him under the stairs?

**buzzkill:** oh, so when i decide to be mean to you guys i deserve to be locked away, but when it’s someone like hyuck it’s “just how he is”

**thirsty bitch:** that’s because you’re supposed to be the nice one in this group and everyone already knows that i’m a shady bitch

**baby chick:** who cares let’s just all be savage as much as we like

**hajimark:** what no

**hajimark:** then it’ll be a nightmare to control you lot

**buzzkill:** good job that you won’t be here much longer to do that then

**SPOOKY:** R E N J U N

**thirsty bitch:** YES I LOVE IT WHEN HE ACTS LIKE THIS

_hajimark removed buzzkill from the chat_

**milkman:** you know that me and him are sat next to each other so removing him isn’t actually going to do anything?

**hajimark:** you want me to kick you too? (:

_milkman removed hajimark from the chat_

**milkman:** now y’all can experience what this group is like without mr. canadian idiot -- rj

**SPOOKY:** THIS IS AMAZING

**baby chick:** is it bad i kind of don’t want him to leave?

**pure:** yes

**thirsty bitch:** yes

**SPOOKY:** what if i rejoined the group but dressed as mark… would anyone notice?

**milkman:** no one noticed you were gone anyway -- rj

**SPOOKY:** shut up, dickweed

**thirsty bitch:** we already dismissed the stupid idea that mark just rejoins us as the maknae and pretends to not be himself

**thirsty bitch:** let’s agree that the fans will know if it’s mark

**SPOOKY:** you’re the REAL buzzkill in this chat

**milkman:** someone add me back and change my nickname -- rj

**pure:** let’s make him suffer more

**milkman:** fuck you too -- rj

**baby chick:** i’m going to get some sleep now i know the ghost doesn’t want to kill me

**pure:** i’ll join you  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**SPOOKY:** remember when there were no couples in this chat? life was so much easier

**thirsty bitch:** you’re only saying that because you miss flirting with jeno without renjun verbally abusing you

**milkman:** tbf he deserves the verbal abuse -- rj

**SPOOKY:** did the maknaes actually go to sleep?

**thirsty bitch:** apparently

**milkman:** so there are only three active accounts in this chat now? -- rj

**SPOOKY:** bring back jeno

**milkman:** nah he’s busy -- rj

**thirsty bitch:** doing… what?

**milkman:** i’d say “use your imagination” but your imagination is filthy -- rj

**milkman:** honestly he’s just cuddling me and messing up my hair -- rj

**SPOOKY:** cute  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

**thirsty bitch:** i bet you two miss being blonde

**milkman:** a little bit tbh -- rj

**milkman:** would you two be offended if i also stopped talking for a bit because i feel like i need to give jeno some attention? -- rj

**SPOOKY:** you better cuddle the shit out of him

**thirsty bitch:** well i’m going to go and steal more of chenle’s cookies while he’s distracted so…

**SPOOKY:** and i guess i’ll have a nap too then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**SPOOKY:** this was kind of a boring end to this convo

**thirsty bitch:** i blame the nct dream dorm ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussion: Are ghosts real? Does anyone have any opinions on custard? And how much do y'all miss the We Young era hair colours now they're gone?
> 
> My answers would be that I've never had any reason to believe in ghosts, I have no preference with custard and tbh I love their current hair colours but I do really miss my two blonde children ;-;


	25. Santa *is* real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> milkman: you’re my best friend and i actually hate you wtf
> 
> buzzkill: i’d kick you too but then there’d literally be three of us active and i’d rather not be left in a group chat with jisung
> 
> baby chick: wow ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> hajimark (mark)  
> buzzkill (renjun)  
> milkman (jeno)  
> thirsty bitch (donghyuck)  
> SPOOKY (jaemin)  
> pure (chenle)  
> baby chick (jisung)
> 
> Disclaimer: A lil bit sad? Maybe? Also a lil bit Real™

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **baby chick:** guys if you could be a flavour of ice cream what flavour would you be

 **SPOOKY:** you’re actually a loser

 **milkman:** should i add back the other two if you’re asking us questions?

 **thirsty bitch:** probably a good idea ^^

 **baby chick:** **@SPOOKY** choke

_milkman added hajimark to the chat_

_milkman added buzzkill to the chat_

**baby chick:** ok i’ll ask my question again now those two bitches are back

 **hajimark:** …bitches?

 **baby chick:** what ice cream flavour would y’all be if you were given a choice

 **buzzkill:** wow this chat went to shit after you kicked me out

 **pure:** **@buzzkill** don’t be like that :/

 **thirsty bitch:** obvs i’d be cookie dough because it’s high quality just like me

 **hajimark:** and it’s overrated, just like you

 **thirsty bitch:** YOU HOE

 **milkman:** (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

 **milkman:** mark ilu

 **milkman:** like a bro

 **buzzkill:** i’ve taught you well  (Relieved Face )

 **pure:** i can’t choose a flavour of ice cream  (Weary Face )

 **pure:** they’re all amazing  (Weary Face )

 **baby chick:** hmm… i think you’d be strawberry because it’s sweet just like you  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **pure:** !!!

 **SPOOKY:** i can’t deal with you two acting cute like that  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **hajimark:** did we seriously get added back to this chat so we could say what _ice cream flavour_ we’d want to be?

 **milkman:** you could just answer the question and then we could move on…

 **hajimark:** then idk maybe chocolate

 **baby chick:** mark lee confirmed to be a basic bitch

 **hajimark:** why have you started calling us “bitches” all of a sudden?

 **hajimark:** have some respect for your seniors

 **baby chick:** respect? i don’t know her

 **hajimark:** listen you little shit

 **buzzkill:** so i assume that no one else is going to bother answering jisung’s dumb question?

 **SPOOKY:** nah it’s 100% more entertaining watching mark arguing with him tbh

 **milkman:** literally all we do in this group chat is argue with each other

 **thirsty bitch:** don’t deny that you enjoy it  (Smirking Face )

 **milkman:** ofc i do

 **pure:** **@thirsty bitch** was that the correct use of the smirk emoji?

 **thirsty bitch:** my entire existence is the smirk emoji so i just use it whenever ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **baby chick:** nah you’re the poop emoji because you’re a piece of shit

 **SPOOKY:** j i S U N G

 **hajimark:** IT’S TIME TO STOP

 **pure:** i’m not sure i like all the bullying that’s going on right now

 **buzzkill:** it’s towards hyuck though and he probably deserves it

 **thirsty bitch:** ^^ what the fuck did i do to you?

 **buzzkill:** do you really want me to list everything you’ve ever done to me?

 **buzzkill:** because i’ve known you for two years and i’ve got plenty of shit on you

 **thirsty bitch:** …

 **thirsty bitch:** but i’m lovely

 **hajimark:** honey no you’re not

**thirsty bitch: (Expressionless Face )**

**milkman:** idk about you but mark saying “honey” before that makes it sound so much more insulting

 **hajimark:** that was my intention  (Winking Face )

_thirsty bitch left the chat_

**pure:** here we go again…

 **SPOOKY:** how long before one of us starts getting messages from him demanding to be added back?

 **hajimark:** ah… about that…

 **buzzkill:** mark?

 **hajimark:** well he’s messaging me but he’s not exactly asking to be put back…

 **baby chick:** wow is he sulking?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **milkman:** is he ok?

 **hajimark:** he’s not particularly happy right now, let’s just say that

 **hajimark:** any of you lot know where he is right now?

 **buzzkill:** i think he said he was planning to head out into town tonight but idk exactly where he’d be

 **hajimark:** ok i’m going out to try and find him

 **hajimark:** he’s in a bit of a mood but i’ll try and sort him out

 **milkman:** so i think we should definitely tone down the insults for a bit

 **buzzkill:** and i thought _i_ was the sensitive one…

 **SPOOKY:** i’ve never known him to get so bothered by some teasing?

 **baby chick:** well he does take comments to heart but he usually knows that we aren’t being serious

 **pure:** we’ve already had this discussion… we just need to be more careful so we don’t upset each other  >-<

 **milkman:** not to assume anything but he _has_ been kind of tired recently with all of the promoting so maybe that’s the reason he got so distressed?

 **SPOOKY:** you could be right

 **SPOOKY:** i think we only really talk about how busy mark is, when hyuck literally is just as busy

 **buzzkill:** then we should be more considerate about how much he’s working

 **pure:** you never know, some of us might be able to relate soon  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **baby chick:** is2g if you don’t stop talking about fucking rumours

 **milkman:** we’ll see what happens later in the year  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **SPOOKY:** i’m guessing that whatever rumours are circulating won’t include me lol

 **SPOOKY:** disappointed but not surprised

 **buzzkill:** tbh nana it’s better that they don’t force you into any units when there’s a chance you might re-injure yourself

 **buzzkill:** i mean look at what happened with ten

 **SPOOKY:** true

 **SPOOKY:** i’d rather not upset the fans more lol

 **milkman:** i don’t think you upset them, i think they’re upset at sm

 **baby chick:** same

 **baby chick:** i still think **@pure** should buy sm and save us

 **pure:** and i told you i’ve got better things to be spending my money on

 **buzzkill:** as long as you spend some of that money on my christmas present, we’re still cool

 **pure:** don’t worry, i bought all of your christmas presents _months ago_

 **pure:** i’m prepared!!!

 **pure:** and then all i’ve got to do is wait for santa to bring me some presents °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

 **SPOOKY:** you… are so innocent…

 **milkman:** you still believe in santa omg

 **pure:** ???

 **pure:** what do you mean “believe”?

 **pure:** santa’s real

 **buzzkill:** yeah, of course he is!

 **buzzkill:** so shut the fuck up **@milkman @SPOOKY**

 **SPOOKY:** message understood, captain

 **baby chick:** i don’t get what you idiots are talking about???

 **baby chick:** you guys don’t believe in santa?

 **milkman:** you too, jisung?

 **baby chick:** well who else gets my presents to me each year?

 **buzzkill:** let’s end this convo asap!

 **buzzkill:** santa is real, end of story!

 **pure:** you three are weird…

 **SPOOKY:** right now i wouldn’t even be surprised if you two kids said you believed in the tooth fairy  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **baby chick:** how is that at all linked to santa?

 **buzzkill:** WE NEED TO MOVE ON

 **milkman:** also mark just messaged me

 **SPOOKY:** any news?

 **milkman:** he found hyuck and he’s fine

 **milkman:** he’s just stressed

 **pure:** he deserves a nap tbh

 **buzzkill:** poor kid  (Crying Face )

 **milkman:** wait… can me and you call him a kid?

 **buzzkill:** why not? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **buzzkill:** i call anyone younger than me “kid”

 **SPOOKY:** i’d get that for like chenle and jisung because they’re legit kiddies

 **baby chick:** nobody asked you :)

 **SPOOKY:** **@baby chick** and no one asked you to be such a little shit :)

 **SPOOKY:** but anyway my point is that your logic is kinda bullshit for calling _everyone_ younger than you a kid because jeno is literally a month younger than you

 **pure:** pretty sure renjun has a bunch of names he can call jeno

 **baby chick:** WOW

 **SPOOKY:** I JUST CHOKED

 **milkman:** ok what the fuck just happened?

 **milkman:** **@pure** was that intentionally a weird comment? because i honestly can’t tell when it’s you…

 **pure:** you know what i meant  (Winking Face )

_buzzkill removed pure from the chat_

**buzzkill:** anyone else want to try me?  (Unamused Face )

 **SPOOKY:** idk but i guess we’d have to ask jeno what the best thing to try is  (Smirking Face )

 **SPOOKY:** (sorry i couldn’t resist)

 **milkman:** you’re my best friend and i actually hate you wtf

 **buzzkill:** i’d kick you too but then there’d literally be three of us active and i’d rather not be left in a group chat with jisung

 **baby chick:** wow ok

 **SPOOKY:** but anyways you could always answer my question ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **buzzkill:** actually you know what?

_buzzkill removed SPOOKY from the chat_

**milkman:** somehow i don’t think just kicking them is going to stop the stupid jokes

 **buzzkill:** no, but it means that i don’t have to hear them  (Relieved Face )

 **baby chick:** does it still bother you when we joke like that?

 **buzzkill:** not usually because at least you can make the same jokes towards mark and hyuck but neither of them are here so…

 **buzzkill:** think of it like this - you don’t like it when we tease you about chenle, do you?

 **baby chick:** ah… you find it embarrassing?

 **buzzkill:** exactly :)

 **milkman:** tbh so do i but i feel like i’m only encouraging them when i protest

 **milkman:** right now though i’m kinda concerned about why chenle is making those kinds of jokes

 **milkman:** he was the most innocent of us

 **baby chick:** it’s probably hyuck’s fault

 **buzzkill:** tbh i’d believe that

 **buzzkill:** i think i’m going to add everyone back now, if that’s ok?

 **milkman:** it was _you_ they were bothering…

_buzzkill added thirsty bitch, SPOOKY & pure to the chat _

**SPOOKY:** are we going to get a lecture about being “nice” etc.

 **baby chick:** you shouldn’t _need_ a lecture to know you should act more reasonable towards your friends

 **pure:** when did jisung get so mature?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **pure: @buzzkill** i’m sorry btw, i didn’t realise i’d crossed a line

 **buzzkill:** i wasn’t offended until nana decided to play along, don’t worry

 **SPOOKY:** (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **SPOOKY:** oops i didn’t mean to be an asshole

 **milkman:** you can’t help it that you were born as an asshole  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **SPOOKY:** dsahfgd

 **SPOOKY:** we’re still cool though?

 **milkman:** ofc we are

 **baby chick:** get a room

 **hajimark:** hey assholes, did you miss me?

 **pure:** you missed some real group chat drama  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **hajimark:** ok who did y’all break this time?

 **buzzkill:** no one, surprisingly

 **buzzkill:** we nearly had some drama about santa, though…

 **thirsty bitch:** hi i’m back

 **thirsty bitch:** also which one of you idiots still believes in santa?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **baby chick:** WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP TALKING ABOUT SANTA LIKE HE’S NOT REAL?

 **hajimark:** wow…

 **milkman:** btw it’s both jisung and chenle so neither of you say anything

 **thirsty bitch:** i’m in shock lol

 **pure:** do you think santa thinks i’m cool?

 **SPOOKY:** enough talk about christmas jfc

 **SPOOKY:** y’all know it’s SPOOKY SEASON

 **buzzkill:** it’s almost like you haven’t mentioned it like 100 times already…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I'd post on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Oops. (I was at home on Tuesday and didn't take my laptop so I would have been editing on my phone... ew...) Now I'm completely out of chapters! I think we'll aim for the next chapter to be on Halloween?
> 
> Also, it's awards season! If you can find the time to vote, you can help NCT win Best Dance Performance Male Group for Cherry Bomb, and they're up for Song of the Year (as is every other song so don't get your hopes up too much). And as a proud ReVeLuv, you'd make my day if you considered throwing a vote towards Red Velvet :) Let's have a peaceful awards season and not fight about whose bias group deserves to win more. If you would be kind enough to vote for NCT (and Red Velvet), then I'd appreciate it! But if you choose to vote for other groups, that's okay too!
> 
> http://www.mwave.me/en/mama/vote
> 
> (Pretends I'm not salty that B.A.P, AOA and CLC weren't nominated for anything... even though Wake Me Up is my all time fave song. Justice for MFAL too T.T)


	26. Halloween!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOOKY: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE
> 
> thirsty bitch: you made a Mistake™
> 
> baby chick: i can't believe you thought it was a good idea to trust hyuck smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> hajimark (Mark)  
> buzzkill (Renjun)  
> milkman (Jeno)  
> thirsty bitch (Donghyuck)  
> SPOOKY (Jaemin)  
> pure (Chenle)  
> baby chick (Jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**thirsty bitch:** anyone else wish they were out trick or treating right now?  (Weary Face )

**SPOOKY:** lmao how come you didn’t go?

**baby chick:** because apparently it’s “past our bedtime” and we “might get recognised”  (Unamused Face )

**baby chick:** it sucks tbh

**SPOOKY:** so you’re _all_ sulking?

**buzzkill:** no

**buzzkill:** some of us aren’t childish believe it or not

**milkman:** that’s probably fake

**SPOOKY:** well anyway it’s not like i’m having much more fun

**SPOOKY:** the hyungs decided they were going to watch scary movies and banished me from the lounge  (Pensive Face )

**pure:** you should come over here and keep us company!!!

**hajimark:** awwww are you losers dying of boredom already?  (Relieved Face )

**hajimark:** looks like you depend on me more than you realised

**baby chick:** did we ask for your input

**SPOOKY:** wow what did mark do to you?

**thirsty bitch:** he fucking ditched us to get lit with his school friends

**pure:** and the fridge is empty  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**hajimark:** i leave you alone for TWO HOURS and you clear out the fridge?

**hajimark:** are you fucking serious?

**buzzkill:** to be fair we had a meal but then chenle started craving more food and i didn’t have the patience to stop him

**pure:** i’m a growing boy i can’t help it when i get hungry

**milkman:** you’re _always_ hungry

**buzzkill:** also can you please stop growing because you and jisung keep making me feel shorter :(

**baby chick:** then grow, midget

**buzzkill:** i can’t i’m old

**hajimark:** y’all are like three

**hajimark:** stfu and watch cartoons or something

**thirsty bitch:** you old people are so salty omg just chill

**SPOOKY:** if you idiots will stop arguing, i’m going to sneak out so i can be with you tonight!!!

**pure:** i think we should break into the 127 dorm and steal some of their scary movies

**hajimark:** i’ll pretend i didn’t read that message

**thirsty bitch:** lol we gotta do that

**thirsty bitch:** there’s this one REALLY scary movie we have at the 127 dorm that taeil hyung keeps locked in his room because it’s too scary to watch

**hajimark:** [softly] don’t

**baby chick:** bitch we’re watching that shit

**baby chick:** me and chenle are going to head over there now

**SPOOKY:** **@thirsty bitch** tell us what happens in the film  (Face With Open Mouth )

**thirsty bitch:** well it’s one of those classic “found footage” movies

**thirsty bitch:** a young man records himself giving a tour around his house when he hears a weird noise!!!

**thirsty bitch:** he goes towards the source of the sound - it’s in one of the bedrooms!!!

**thirsty bitch:** and when he opens the door… guess what he finds!!!

**SPOOKY:** omg what?

**hajimark:** **@thirsty bitch** you sure know how to make a big deal out of nothing smh

**thirsty bitch:** shut the fuck up mork

**thirsty bitch:** i’m busy telling my story  (Relieved Face )

**hajimark:** literally this was a video that taeil made when he was testing out a video camera…

**milkman:** are you serious

**SPOOKY:** i don’t give a shit

**SPOOKY:** just tell me what he saw **@thirsty bitch**

**thirsty bitch:** it was a sPoOkY sight!!!

**hajimark:** he found half of the group collectively watching porn together… now can we _please_ move on?

**SPOOKY:** REALLY?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**buzzkill:** **@pure @baby chick** kids don't look for that thing hyuck mentioned

**milkman:** who were the people he caught doing that in video?

**hajimark:** all i'm saying is that it wasn't me or hyuck

**thirsty bitch:** yeah i have enough decency to watch shit like that alone

**SPOOKY:** is that you admitting that you watch that shit?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**thirsty bitch:** honey don't try me

**thirsty bitch:** you read fanfiction written about us so don't try and make _me_ sound like the weird one  (Smirking Face )

**baby chick:** lmao he does _what?_

**SPOOKY:** I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

**thirsty bitch:** you made a Mistake™

**baby chick:** i can't believe you thought it was a good idea to trust hyuck smh

**pure:** ok but what kind of fanfiction are we talking about

**hajimark:** i hope to god there isn't any weird shit about you kiddies out there

**buzzkill:** dw mark i think our fans have some sense

**thirsty bitch: @pure** he literally reads anything

**thirsty bitch:** but he _really_ likes to read any fic with him and jeno  (Winking Face )(Winking Face )(Winking Face )

**SPOOKY:** YOU BACKSTABBING BITCH

**baby chick:** ^^ you just confirmed it, dumbass

**milkman:** lol nana you just got your ass exposed

**pure:** interesting how jeno doesn't seem to be bothered by this

**buzzkill:** maybe because he's mature enough not to make a drama out of nothing?

**milkman:** yeah i don't give a shit what weird stuff you idiots get up to in your spare time as long as it's healthy and doesn't harm anyone

**milkman: @SPOOKY** i hope all those fanfictions will help you live out your fantasies with me  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**SPOOKY:** DID I ASK

**thirsty bitch:** dw nana if you need to talk about your weird fantasies about jeno we'll listen  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**thirsty bitch:** we're here for you  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**SPOOKY:** I HATE ALL OF YOU

**buzzkill:** the fuck did i do to you?

**pure:** yeah wtf nana i thought we were buddies

**baby chick:** fake friend na jaemin

**SPOOKY: @buzzkill** i'm sorry pls be my friend

**buzzkill:** too late honey  (Relieved Face )

**pure:** looks like you'll have to hang out with your fake girlfriend instead

**baby chick:** YES CHENLE  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

**hajimark:** i'm guessing we aren't going to get a smart retort from jaemin anytime soon

**thirsty bitch:** smart??? you sure you're talking about the right person???

**SPOOKY:** I EXTRA HATE THE SNAKE LEE DONGHYUCK  (Snake )(Snake )(Snake )

**milkman:** hey nana are you still coming to our dorm?

**SPOOKY:** i'm on my way but i’m getting more and more triggered

**baby chick:** me and the bae have got the spooky movies and we're heading back too

**thirsty bitch:** jisung calling chenle his bae is my mood tbh  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

_SPOOKY changed thirsty bitch’s nickname to meanie_

**buzzkill:** and here we go with another lame nickname war…

**meanie:** i’m the queen of the meanies lbr

_meanie changed SPOOKY’s nickname to nomin trash_

**nomin trash:** JUST BECAUSE I READ SOME FANFICTIONS DOESN'T MEAN I SHIP IT

**pure:** what is a nomin

**milkman:** the ship name for me and nana

**hajimark:** looks like you're going to have to keep dreaming, nana :)

**nomin trash:** stop attacking me  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**baby chick:** yeah :/ we should pick on someone else!!!

_baby chick changed buzzkill’s nickname to smurfette_

**smurfette:** why me

**baby chick:** because the image of you in that outfit will forever be burned into my memory

**smurfette:** at least i looked better than you

**baby chick:** you’re so mean to me  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**nomin trash:** you fuckers were meaner to me :/

**pure:** **@baby chick** blue is your colour anyway so don’t get too offended

**baby chick:** (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

**smurfette:** i see no one is defending me

**milkman:** well i thought you looked great

**milkman:** but you _always_ look great  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**nomin trash:** you guys are fucking disgusting

**hajimark:** try living with a dorm with them and _then_ tell me that they’re disgusting

**nomin trash:** i would do anything to live with y’all again  (Crying Face )

**nomin trash:** and i’m outside so open the fucking door

**nomin trash:** it’s cold as shit

**meanie:** give me a sec and i’ll let you in

**smurfette:** can i have a better nickname btw?

**milkman:** technically there’s nothing untrue about your name

**smurfette:** stfu papa smurf

_hajimark changed smurfette’s nickname to soon-to-be oldest_

**soon-to-be oldest:** thanks mark

**hajimark:** dw i got your back

_hajimark changed milkman’s nickname to nana’s fantasy bf_

**nomin trash:** IT’S TIME TO STOP

**nana’s fantasy bf:** can you really deny it when you’ve exposed yourself as a fanfiction reader?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**meanie:** jeno i think you’re being a bit much

**nana’s fantasy bf:** i didn’t name myself this  (Relieved Face )

**hajimark:** anyway it’s the truth so…

_nomin trash cleared all nicknames_

_na jaemin removed mark lee from the chat_

_na jaemin removed lee jeno from the chat_

**zhong chenle:** ew our chat is super boring now we have no nicknames

**park jisung:** also you can clear the nicknames all you like but we all know the truth lol

**na jaemin:** let’s just watch these movies and get this over with…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy I actually gave y'all a Halloween chapter! I started writing this just after the day of the Halloween party (at which point we were told the Dreamies weren't going) and I completely re-wrote the beginning as soon as I saw those Holy™ pictures of the Dreamies as the Smurfs (and MarkHyuck blatantly not joining in with the group costume).
> 
> MY SON DRESSED AS SMURFETTE HAS RUINED ME!!!
> 
> SEND HELP!!!
> 
> I'M NOT OKAY!!!


	27. A Heart To Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the 7th member: ugh then tell me how to pretend i’m not an actual human wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And... WE'RE BACK  
> AN 2: This one's a bit short, and a tad Real™  
> AN 3: Featuring only three characters this time :)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**na jaemin:** is anyone free to talk?

**na jaemin:** i know it’s the middle of the night but i need someone to talk to :/

**huang renjun:** only if we can have nicknames again

**na jaemin:** are you the only one awake? because i’ll talk on pm if you are

**lee donghyuck:** i am too :)

**lee donghyuck:** the kiddies are asleep and the other two are still kicked

**na jaemin:** ok i’m going to kick the kids just while we talk if that’s ok?

_na jaemin removed zhong chenle from the chat_

_na jaemin removed park jisung from the chat_

**na jaemin:** set your nicknames and then we can talk!

_lee donghyuck changed their own nickname to undercover homo_

_huang renjun changed their own nickname to i’m china sheep_

_nicest dream member changed na jaemin’s nickname to the 7th member_

**the 7th member:** :’)

**i’m china sheep:** you wanted to talk?

**the 7th member:** yeah i’m just really fucking lonely at the moment and i’m still kinda in a bad mood about the shit in the group chat from halloween

**undercover homo:** i knew they were being too shitty to you

**the 7th member:** i’m not offended at them trying to be savage at me but it’s just i was already feeling shitty and they really weren’t helping

**i’m china sheep:** well you’re talking to the right people if you want sympathy

**i’m china sheep:** it’s usually me being harassed in this fucking mess of a chat

**undercover homo:** yeah and i was attacked last time lol

**the 7th member:** ugh then tell me how to pretend i’m not an actual human wreck

**i’m china sheep:** somehow that seems unrelated to being harassed in a group chat

**undercover homo:** **@the 7th member** you did seem kinda off when we were watching movies on halloween

**the 7th member:** maybe because i actually hate my existence and i don’t get why life doesn’t ever go my way

**the 7th member:** i want to fucking scream into my pillow until all my problems go away but i don’t want to wake up everyone with my fucking pathetic issues

**i’m china sheep:** ok wow i didn’t realise you felt like that?

**i’m china sheep:** is this something that’s been happening for a long time or is it recent?

**the 7th member:** this feels like a therapy session lmao

**the 7th member:** eh i guess i’ve been feeling like shit ever since my health went downhill? but i could cope until recently and now i just feel like i’m drowning in it

**the 7th member:** probably because i know it’s been a year since i went on break and i feel like a burden to everyone

**undercover homo:** look i’ve known you since we were both shitty little kids thinking we could be top idols

**undercover homo:** didn’t we learn as trainees that there’s a whole lot of fucking waiting in this industry? and i’m saying this in this nicest way possible but there’s no point rushing yourself to get better just because you think you’re a burden. you’ll be 10x more of a burden if you injure yourself performing. it may have been over a year now but you need all the time you can get so that you’ll return to the stage both physically fit and mentally fit.

**i’m china sheep:** hyuck’s right

**i’m china sheep:** we all miss you and the fans clearly miss you too but none of us would ever dream of forcing you to do anything while you’re still recovering

**i’m china sheep:** to answer your original request - you shouldn’t have to pretend you don’t have problems. every single member of this group can be serious when needed and will listen if you need to talk.

**the 7th member:** i’m glad i talked to you two now :’)

**the 7th member:** i mean i still feel like shit but knowing i’ve been able to talk this through with you two gives me a bit of reassurance

**the 7th member:** i’ll be happy again when i can show my face in public tbh because then i’ll know that sm still thinks i’m good enough to be in this group

**undercover homo:** honey you're _definitely_ good enough for this group!!! you're amazing!!!

**the 7th member:** i literally have two lines

**i'm china sheep:** but you make those two lines stay in the hearts of all our fans :)

**the 7th member:** actually i prefer being insulted in this chat than being flattered

**undercover homo:** bitch you want me to insult your ass?

**undercover homo:** if you don't shut your whiny ass up then i'll be FORCED to tell the rookies that you need IMMEDIATE cuddles (ง •̀_•́)ง

**the 7th member:** let me whine some more then  (Relieved Face )

**i'm china sheep:** i'm going to get some sleep while you two losers are going at each other

**i'm china sheep:** but nana don't forget that we're here to listen if you need to vent :)

**the 7th member:** my angel  (Growing Heart )

**undercover homo:** mY GIRLS

**the 7th member:** MY SUNSHINE

**undercover homo:** UH UH LET'S GO

**i'm china sheep:** yeah let's go _the fuck to sleep_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back y'all! Ugh I just had too much work going on and it was tiring me tf out. Two assignments and then my week's work experience just overwhelmed me so I hope you can understand the (nearly) month-long absence :)
> 
> I started this almost immediately after the Halloween chapter but y'know I had stuff to do so I've only just finished it. And I've got a more typical chapter in the works that you should see in the next week (because I have a week off!!!)
> 
> Also... NA JAEMIN IS ALIVE. DID Y'ALL SEE THE SEASON'S GREETINGS PIC? (If anyone can find a link to buying the Season's Greetings then please send me in the right direction lol. I desperately want it and can't find any links right now T.T)


	28. The Pants Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jiSNAKE: I HATE YOU
> 
> jiSNAKE: SO MUCH
> 
> jiSNAKE: YOU PRETEND TO BE SWEET AND INNOCENT
> 
> jiSNAKE: BUT YOU’RE A MEANIE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> i'd rather be asleep (mark)  
> i'm china sheep (renjun)  
> the attractive one (jeno)  
> undercover homo (donghyuck)  
> the 7th member (jaemin)  
> protect our dolphins (chenle)  
> jiSNAKE (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

_undercover homo added mark lee to the chat_

_undercover homo added lee jeno to the chat_

_undercover homo added zhong chenle to the chat_

_undercover homo added park jisung to the chat_

**undercover homo:** and now the family is back together o(^▽^)o

 **park jisung:** ew i don't want to be involved

 **mark lee:** good luck leaving sm you snake  (Snake )

_mark lee changed park jisung’s nickname to jiSNAKE_

**jiSNAKE:** at least i have friends

 **lee jeno:** name one

 **jiSNAKE:** my bae ofc

 **zhong chenle:** i don't count you meme

 **the 7th member:** y'all give yourself nicknames before i get a disease from how boring you're all being

 **lee jeno:** even someone with a shitty immune system like yours couldn't catch a “disease” from seeing a group chat without nicknames  (Relieved Face )

 **the 7th member:** did i ask

_mark lee changed their own nickname to i’d rather be asleep_

_i’d rather be asleep changed lee jeno’s nickname to the attractive one_

_i’d rather be asleep changed zhong chenle's nickname to protect our dolphins_

**the attractive one:** wow mark thanks

 **undercover homo:** what the heck mork

 **undercover homo:** our “supportive” leader won't even compliment us  (Crying Face )

 **i'd rather be asleep:** you shits aren't my problem any more  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **i’m china sheep:** you’re still technically in charge of us

 **i’d rather be asleep:** i wish i wasn’t tbh

 **i’d rather be asleep:** ever since i became dream’s leader i think i aged 200 years

 **jiSNAKE:** so when i call you an old man i’m being “mean” and i should “go and do homework or something” but you can call _yourself_ an old man

 **the attractive one:** jisung stop whining

 **jiSNAKE:** you whine more than me you baby

 **the attractive one:** who are you calling a baby

 **undercover homo:** omg both of you need to shut the fuck up

 **protect our dolphins:** says the loudest member of this group  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **undercover homo:** sAyS tHe LoUdEsT mEmBeR oF tHiS gRoUp

 **protect our dolphins:** listen you pint of spoilt milk

 **undercover homo:** HOW DARE

 **i’m china sheep:** i’m so done with all of you

 **i’d rather be asleep:** literally i’ve been saying the same thing ever since we debuted

 **the 7th member:** ok guys i have a situation

 **jiSNAKE:** nobody cares

 **the 7th member:** ANYWAY i’m kinda stuck in a pair of skinny jeans and i don’t think they’re ever coming off

 **undercover homo:** and tf do you want _us_ to do about that?

 **protect our dolphins:** why did you even put on pants that were too small for you

 **the 7th member:** because i was going out to town and i wanted to look fucking attractive for once

 **the 7th member:** and what better way to do that than to wear really small skinny jeans to show off my ass?

 **i’d rather be asleep:** we definitely adopted you into this group

 **i’d rather be asleep:** you’re not my real son

 **the 7th member:** MARK SHUT UP I THINK I’M GOING TO DIE  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **jiSNAKE:** fuckin drama queen

 **i’m china sheep:** why don’t you just ask one of the rookies to help you out then?

 **the 7th member:** are you fucking serious

 **the 7th member:** i’m lying on my fucking bedroom floor stuck in these pants

 **the 7th member:** if any of those assholes see me like this then they’d just take pictures and send them to everyone

 **the 7th member:** they’d never let me live it down  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **jiSNAKE:** ok but same

 **the 7th member:** jisung i’ll fight you

 **jiSNAKE:** you’re gonna have to get out of those pants first if you wanna fight me

 **the 7th member:** CAN SOMEONE COME AND HELP ME SO I CAN FIGHT THIS KID ASAP

 **the attractive one:** so you just want one of us to take off your pants?  (Smirking Face )

 **protect our dolphins:** ew and i thought nana had standards tbh

 **jiSNAKE:** if you’d known his ass for as long as we had then you’d know that he has _never_ had standards  (Relieved Face )

 **the 7th member:** see jisung this is why you’re a fucking S N A K E

 **jiSNAKE:** yeah because i _really_ value the opinion of the guy who didn’t think small clothes meant they wouldn’t fit him

 **i’d rather be asleep:** alright kids shut the fuck up!!!

 **i’m china sheep:** pretty sure that’s not how you do parenting

 **i’d rather be asleep:** when you have to look after six kids, then you can tell me how i should be doing parenting

 **undercover homo:** all offence but i’m not your kid

 **i’d rather be asleep:** you’re my fave kid  (Growing Heart )

 **undercover homo:** mark what the fuck no

 **undercover homo:** what sort of sm brainwashing have you even _been_ through for you to think that you’re our mother?

 **i’d rather be asleep:** no i’m your dad

 **protect our dolphins:** can you two have a domestic somewhere other than our group chat?  (Unamused Face )

 **the 7th member:** IS ANYONE COMING TO RESCUE ME

 **the 7th member:** FOR EXAMPLE **@the attractive one**

 **the attractive one:** see i would except i’m kinda busy right now

 **jiSNAKE:** i bet he’s watching porn

 **the attractive one:** nobody asked ** (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) **

**i’m china sheep:** he’s “busy” watching youtube videos on how to do fidget spinner tricks

 **the 7th member:** disappointed but not surprised

 **the attractive one:** WHY DID YOU EXPOSE ME

 **the attractive one:** I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS  (Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )

 **i’m china sheep:** and i thought we were dating  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **the attractive one:** oh

 **the attractive one:** oops?

 **i’d rather be asleep:** jeno i don’t think that’s an “oops” moment

 **the attractive one:** well at least i tried?

 **i’m china sheep:** that’s _your_ opinion

 **undercover homo:** **@the 7th member** btw i’m heading to the rookie dorm to save you since literally no one else seemed like they were going to help

 **the 7th member:** THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

 **jiSNAKE:** i’m sure your gf would love to see screenshots of that

_the 7th member removed jiSNAKE from the chat_

**protect our dolphins:** tbh he deserved that

 **the 7th member:** and this is why you’re the nicest member of the group  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **protect our dolphins:** btw are jejun having a domestic right now?

 **i’d rather be asleep:** that’s the second time in ten minutes you’ve used the word “domestic”

 **i’d rather be asleep:** where’d you even hear that?

 **protect our dolphins:** it’s not a naughty word so you can’t tell me off

 **protect our dolphins:** but i heard it in the 127 dorm

 **protect our dolphins:** several times

 **protect our dolphins:** they’re _always_ arguing

 **undercover homo:** yeah fucking tell me about it…

 **i’m china sheep:** **@protect our dolphins** we’re not arguing so don’t worry :)

 **the attractive one:** :/

 **the attractive one:** he confiscated all my fidget spinners  (Pensive Face )

 **the 7th member:** how many means “all”?

 **i’m china sheep:** remember how nct has limitless members?

 **i’m china sheep:** the same math applies to how many fidget spinners he owns

 **the 7th member:** jfc jeno you’re 17 not 7

 **the attractive one:** wow THANKS buddy i’d COMPLETELY forgotten!!!

 **protect our dolphins:** tbh being in nct dream makes me feel like 200 years younger than i really am

 **i’d rather be asleep:** i felt young for like 3 months when i was the baby of this group and then i was demoted to the second youngest and then all you fuckers came along  (Weary Face )

 **undercover homo:** ok so i’m at the rookie dorm but the door is locked

 **the 7th member:** FUCK ARE YOU SERIOUS

 **i’m china sheep:** wow and you’re too stupid to know how to knock on a door? tragic

 **undercover homo:** alright smartass ^^

 **undercover homo:** if i knock on the fucking door and one of the older guys answers it then i’ve got to say why i’ve decided to pay them a visit and _then_ explain why the fuck nana can’t open the door himself

 **i’m china sheep:** so the king of excuses is backing down from a challenge?

 **undercover homo:** fuck you too

 **i’m china sheep:** no thanks you aren’t my type honey  (Relieved Face )

 **protect our dolphins:** this group chat never ceases to make me feel uncomfortable

 **i’d rather be asleep:** you want to be uncomfortable? now you’re aware that your tongue never sits comfortably in your mouth :)

 **protect our dolphins:** how dare you

 **the attractive one:** and now you’re breathing manually :)

 **protect our dolphins:** no

 **undercover homo:** there’s a skeleton inside you waiting to hatch  (Winking Face )

 **protect our dolphins:** DFSKAUG

 **i’m china sheep:** ok guys you broke him

 **i’m china sheep:** i can hear him screaming through the walls

 **i’d rather be asleep:** even aliens in space can hear him screaming

_protect our dolphins added jiSNAKE to the chat_

**protect our dolphins:** GUYS DON’T BULLY ME I’M ONLY YOUNG  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** SO WHAT?

 **the attractive one:** WE HOT

 **jiSNAKE:** WE YOUUUUNG

 **protect our dolphins:** JISUNG I ADDED YOU BACK TO DEFEND ME NOT TO SING ALONG WITH THESE BULLIES

 **jiSNAKE:** when did you get so boring omg chill

 **the 7th member:** I’M FREE

 **the 7th member:** FREE FROM THE PRISON THAT WAS MY SKINNY JEANS

 **i’d rather be asleep:** hyuck got you out of them?

 **undercover homo:** AND i didn’t even have to destroy them  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **undercover homo:** but i made him promise he’d give them to a smol person to wear instead

 **the 7th member: @i’m china sheep** so are you interested or not?  (Winking Face )

 **i’m china sheep:** your asshole must be so jealous of your mouth from all the shit it’s been spewing

 **the 7th member:** FUCK

 **undercover homo:** THAT WAS SO SHADY I LOVE IT

 **the attractive one:** YES RENJUN

**i’d rather be asleep: (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)**

**the 7th member:** WHY ARE YOU CHEERING HIM ON

 **jiSNAKE:** because you’re a piece of shit tbh

 **i’m china sheep:** ^^ says the human version of a migraine

 **jiSNAKE:** I HATE YOU

 **jiSNAKE:** SO MUCH

 **jiSNAKE:** YOU PRETEND TO BE SWEET AND INNOCENT

 **jiSNAKE:** BUT YOU’RE A MEANIE

 **i’m china sheep:** i’d rather be a meanie than be you  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **jiSNAKE:** HOW DO YOU BLOCK PEOPLE ON HERE

 **protect our dolphins:** i mean you could just leave the group chat but then you’d just be a coward who can’t cope with a bit of slander

 **the 7th member:** dsfdgds chenle is turning against his bae  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **protect our dolphins:** he didn’t stand up for me when y’all were bullying me so he can put up with it tbh

 **the attractive one:** i like how we quickly moved on from nana’s situation

 **the 7th member:** yeah… because it got _solved_

 **the 7th member:** god do you even listen?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’m china sheep:** if he listened more then maybe he’d be given more lines

 **the attractive one:** WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

 **i’m china sheep:** “oops”  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **the attractive one:** ok i accept that i fucked up slightly

 **i’d rather be asleep:** i think “slightly” is an understatement  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’m china sheep:** plus it’s fun to see what will get you idiots worked up (:

 **protect our dolphins:** remember when we used to be able to have normal conversations without insulting each other?

 **undercover homo:** no

 **i’m china sheep:** no

 **jiSNAKE:** honey you’re clearly thinking about a different group

 **i’m china sheep:** tbh they were still insulting each other but you just had less understanding of the language

 **protect our dolphins:** ohhh

 **protect our dolphins:** so you’ve _always_ been assholes?

 **undercover homo:** pretty much  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** DON’T SWEAR

 **protect our dolphins:** you literally swear more than anyone in this chat though?

 **undercover homo:** bitch? have you met me?

 **protect our dolphins:** yeah i wish i hadn’t

 **undercover homo:** you fucker

 **undercover homo:** i’m not buying you a christmas present anymore  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **protect our dolphins:** but santa is in charge of christmas presents???

 **protect our dolphins:** not you???

 **i’d rather be asleep:** hyuck shut the fuck up before you corrupt them

 **i’m china sheep:** yeah!!! santa is the one who’ll get you presents!!!

 **i’m china sheep:** donghyuck is just being a dumbass again :)

 **undercover homo:** just you wait and i’ll throw back an even more painful insult :)

 **i’m china sheep:** i imagine i’ll be waiting a long time then

 **i’m china sheep:** and that wait will probably be longer than jeno, jisung and jaemin’s lines all put together  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** WOW THAT WAS BRUTAL

 **jiSNAKE:** I’M GOING TO CRY

 **jiSNAKE:** THAT ONE HIT ME TOO DEEP  (Loudly Crying Face ) (Loudly Crying Face ) (Loudly Crying Face )

 **the 7th member:** HOLY SHIT WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

 **i’m china sheep:** YOU CALLED ME SHORT

 **the attractive one:** (Crying Face )

 **i’m china sheep:** sulk all you like, lee jeno, but _you_ don’t have to try and sleep while your roommate is busy playing with fiDGET SPINNERS AT 2AM AND THE DISTANT WHIRRING OF THOSE GOD DAMN HELL CONTRAPTIONS MAKES YOU WISH THAT YOU WERE _D E A D_

 **undercover homo:** omg renjun just _lost it_ (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**i’d rather be asleep:** i’m actually crying that was AMAZING

 **the 7th member:** I’M SHOOK

 **the 7th member:** THAT WAS SO UNEXPECTED

 **jiSNAKE:** and i guess this is why we don’t piss off the “nice” member of the group

 **protect our dolphins:** is anyone with jeno right now who can confirmed he survived that burn?

 **i’d rather be asleep:** ugh i’ll check on him

 **i’d rather be asleep:** he’d better not be sulking though

 **undercover homo:** tbh he’s _definitely_ sulking  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’m china sheep:** somehow that rant made me feel a lot less stressed

 **protect our dolphins:** maybe you should rant more often then ^-^

 **jiSNAKE:** god no don’t encourage him

 **i’d rather be asleep:** ok guys jeno’s fine he’s just decided he’d rather not open the group chat so he won’t get insulted

 **i’d rather be asleep:** coward, if you ask me

 **the 7th member:** isn’t it cute how he thinks we’ll stop insulting him just because he won’t see it immediately?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **the 7th member:** i _will_ have my revenge on him for how he played along with the nomin thing on halloween  (Smiling Face With Horns )

_the 7th member changed the attractive one’s nickname to can't take insults_

**undercover homo:** ew the nickname is weak af

 **the 7th member:** i don't see you coming up with anything better

 **undercover homo:** i freed you from your pants and _this_ is the respect i get?

 **jiSNAKE:** *screenshots and adds to my out of context folder*

 **i’d rather be asleep:** JISUNG NO

 **jiSNAKE:** JISUNG YES

 **i'm china sheep:** ugh listening to you losers argue is a waste time

 **protect our dolphins:** did you mean like 90% of this group chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter? Boy, I'm really treating you guys this week :P
> 
> And the links for the Seasons Greetings are up!!! Brb my bank is crying T.T I think I'll wait a few weeks before ordering since they only come out in December anyway. I swear seeing Nana again is making me so emotional though. I spent the whole of that trailer watching out for him, completely forgetting to look out for my actual bias (hey, sorry RJ!!!).


	29. Chensung the EXPERT laptop hackers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm china sheep: death is the only way out of sm
> 
> jiSNAKE: THEN WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES KILLED HANSOL?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> i'd rather be asleep (mark)  
> i'm china sheep (renjun)  
> can't take insults (jeno)  
> undercover homo (donghyuck)  
> the 7th member (jaemin)  
> protect our dolphins (chenle)  
> jiSNAKE (jisung)
> 
> Warning: uhhhh I guess dirty jokes and stuff? Which is mentioned in the tags anyway but y'know I just wanted to write the kind of convos I had with my friends when I was their age (aka last year).
> 
> ADDITIONAL WARNING: Okay I'm updating you here a few months after I wrote this chapter. THERE ARE SEVERAL DEATH JOKES IN THIS CHAPTER. I'm letting you know in case anyone is reading this after December 2017. You can happily skip this chapter if it will upset you.

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **jiSNAKE:** ok do any of you losers know where the old person is?

 **the 7th member:** which old person?

 **undercover homo:** are you asking about (booming system uh uh) ty track ty track?

 **jiSNAKE:** ew no why would i care about him

 **can't take insults:** i assume he means mark

 **can't take insults:** also wtf who changed my name?

 **the 7th member:** me, you baby :P

 **i'm china sheep: @jiSNAKE** if you're looking for mark he's in the shower

 **jiSNAKE:** yes THANK YOU I'M SAVED

 **jiSNAKE:** ok then i need one of you to help me fix something before he comes back

 **the 7th member:** what did you break this time  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **jiSNAKE:** this time it wasn't me

**jiSNAKE: @protect our dolphins (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )**

**protect our dolphins:** it was _your_ idea

 **protect our dolphins:** just because i was the one who did it…

 **i’m china sheep:** _what did you do?_

 **jiSNAKE:** we might have accidentally hacked into his laptop and found a bunch of shit

 **the 7th member:** details!!!

 **protect our dolphins:** well we went through his internet history and found that he regularly goes on a parenting forum

 **jiSNAKE:** he had a bunch of knitting patterns downloaded???

 **protect our dolphins:** and he has a pinterest dedicated to grungy edits of song lyrics?

 **can't take insults:** what the fuck

 **i'm china sheep:** and you're positive that you hacked into mark's laptop and not someone like taeyong’s?

 **jiSNAKE:** it was in mark's room so it's clearly his laptop!!!

 **the 7th member:** he's a lot more boring than i thought he was

 **undercover homo:** you guys are all idiots

 **jiSNAKE:** fight me, midget (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **i'm china sheep:** didn't you want us to fix something for you?

 **jiSNAKE:** help us hide the evidence before he finds out

 **i'm china sheep:** i think maybe it's a bit late for feigning innocence

 **i'm china sheep:** you know, since mark can _see_ all of these messages when he comes back  (Relieved Face )

 **jiSNAKE:** FUCK

 **jiSNAKE:** WE'RE SCREWED

 **protect our dolphins:** then i will greet death like an old friend :)

 **can't take insults:** you two are fucking weird

 **can't take insults:** why did you even want to hack his laptop?

 **protect our dolphins:** jisung wanted to find out who the next leader of dream would be

 **can't take insults:** oh

 **the 7th member:** ok wow :'(

 **undercover homo:** you're both still idiots

 **undercover homo:** i'm literally watching netflix on mark's laptop _right now_

 **jiSNAKE:** but me and chenle are looking at the laptop...

 **jiSNAKE:** fuck did you become a ghost like nana?

 **the 7th member:** you fucking shut your shit-talking mouth before i make _you_ a ghost

 **undercover homo: @jiSNAKE** mark was borrowing ty's laptop to check over some lyrics because the old man doesn't know how to use email

 **i’d rather be asleep:** also i’m with both hyuck and my laptop right now, dumbass

 **protect our dolphins:** yikes we messed up

 **jiSNAKE:** how was your shower, hyung?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **i'd rather be asleep:** if your reasons for trying to hack my laptop weren't pure then i'd fucking choke both of you

 **the 7th member:** sounds like _someone_ has a hidden porn stash…

 **i'm china sheep:** mark isn't smart enough to hide anything like that

 **i'm china sheep:** he's probably got a big folder on his desktop labelled “definitely not porn”

 **i’d rather be asleep:** “isn't smart enough” DON'T BE DISRESPECTFUL

 **can't take insults:** aaand he missed his chance to deny it

 **undercover homo:** you kids are living twenty years in the past if you think people still download porn smh

 **undercover homo:** just stream that shit  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **i'm china sheep:** sounds like _someone_ is speaking from experience  (Smirking Face )

 **the 7th member:** remember when we drove mark to the point of him becoming savage and hating us all? i think we did it to renjun too  (Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** no, i've _always_ hated you fuckers

 **undercover homo:** bitch you better be excluding me from that

 **i’d rather be asleep:** you're as much of a piece of shit as everyone else

 **can't take insults:** tbh he's _more_ of a piece of shit than us

 **undercover homo:** lee jeno do you want to fucking die? :)

 **can't take insults:** oh shit i’m gonna use a lifeline and phone a friend

 **can't take insults: @i’m china sheep** how should i answer?

 **i'm china sheep:** death is the only way out of sm

 **jiSNAKE:** THEN WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES KILLED HANSOL? (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **the 7th member:** WHY DID YOU REMIND ME

 **undercover homo:** J I S U N G

 **i’d rather be asleep:** he's still alive, dumbass

 **can't take insults:** tbh hansol hyung is more alive now than he was here at sm

 **the 7th member:** hyung better win  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **jiSNAKE:** even if he doesn't make it, at least he has a new label…

 **jiSNAKE:** unlike SOME PEOPLE  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** jisung stop reminding me about all the people that left us, you shit

 **protect our dolphins:** ok now i don't know who you're talking about

 **undercover homo:** mark's just bitter because he never made it up to her for fucking up her brownies  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **i’d rather be asleep:** LOOK

 **i’d rather be asleep:** LEETEUK HYUNG STILL SAID THEY TASTED NICE

 **jiSNAKE:** you still fucked up her brownies tho

 **i’m china sheep:** if you guys are talking about some shit you did as rookies (ง •̀_•́)ง

 **can't take insults:** just binge watch mickey mouse club and you'll get it

_undercover homo changed i’d rather be asleep's nickname to brownie destroyer_

**brownie destroyer:** I DIDN'T DESTROY THEM

 **the 7th member:** you're so shit at cooking, you'd find a way to burn cereal

 **can't take insults:** you don't even live with us anymore so no offence but i think _we_ have more experience with mark's poor excuses for “cooking”

 **the 7th member:** hey guys! i'm looking for a new person to be my best friend! any volunteers?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **jiSNAKE:** who would want to be friends with a loser like you?

 **i’m china sheep:** i'll do it :)

_the 7th member changed their own nickname to idk a lee jeno_

_idk a lee jeno changed i’m china sheep's nickname to nana's bestie_

**idk a lee jeno:** don't mess with me hoes

 **can't take insults:** wow ok

 **nana's bestie:** wait does this mean i can't insult jaemin anymore?

 **jiSNAKE:** keep insulting him anyway lol

 **idk a lee jeno:** YOU BETTER NOT

_can't take insults changed their own nickname stop attacking milk boy_

**brownie destroyer:** jeno your name is shit

 **stop attacking milk boy:** idk man i think SOME PEOPLE need reminding that i have done nothing wrong

 **protect our dolphins:** except for when you forgot you were in a relationship and when you decided it was a good idea to remind your best friend that he doesn't live with us?  (Unamused Face )

 **stop attacking milk boy:** whose side are you on?  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **protect our dolphins:** my bro from china ofc  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **stop attacking milk boy:** will anyone join me on the milk boy defence squad?

 **undercover homo:** what's in it for me

 **stop attacking milk boy:** i'll buy you food

 **undercover homo:** ok i'll join the milk boy defence squad if you pay for all my food until the end of the year

 **stop attacking milk boy:** welcome to the milk boy defence squad  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **jiSNAKE:** stop calling yourself milk boy

 **jiSNAKE:** i'm going to punch you if you keep doing it

 **idk a lee jeno:** yeah you sound like a loser

 **nana's bestie:** because he _is_ a loser

 **protect our dolphins:** or maybe you should all stop arguing over literally nothing?

 **brownie destroyer:** THANK YOU chenle for being sensible

 **nana's bestie:** idk about anyone else but i'm not actually taking this seriously

 **stop attacking milk boy:** you're not really mad at me?

 **nana's bestie:** i couldn't ever get mad at you  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **nana's bestie:** i was just frustrated tbh

 **jiSNAKE:** ew stop being disgusting

_stop attacking milk boy changed their own nickname to milk boy_

**milk boy:** the milk boy defence squad is disbanded now

 **undercover homo:** wow that lasted like two minutes

 **undercover homo:** _and_ i didn't even get to do anything

 **undercover homo:** whatever you’ve still gotta buy me food for joining your defence squad in the first place  (Winking Face )

 **nana's bestie:** lasting two minutes and not doing anything?

 **nana's bestie:** that sounds exactly like the 127 hyungs on a wild night  (Smirking Face )

 **brownie destroyer:** WE HAVE _CHILDREN_ IN THIS CHAT

 **milk boy:** plus i made that exact joke before…  (Unamused Face )

 **milk boy:** maybe try and be original next time?  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **nana's bestie:** well maybe _you_ should try and not be butt-hurt when i make your lame jokes better

 **milk boy:** i'm not butt-hurt

 **idk a lee jeno:** you've got _plenty_ of time to find out what that feels like  (Winking Face )

 **brownie destroyer:** THERE ARE _STILL_ CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT

 **protect our dolphins:** wait i don’t get it?

_nana’s bestie changed their own nickname to you disgust me_

**jiSNAKE:** tbh i don’t get it either but judging by rj’s new nickname i assume it’s dirty  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **idk a lee jeno:** lol i couldn’t resist, sorry guys :)

 **milk boy:** you never cease to make me want to throttle you

 **undercover homo:** ^^ wow that’s my favourite song by fall out boy

 **you disgust me:** you’re lucky i can tolerate you **@idk a lee jeno**

 **brownie destroyer:** we can’t even go a single day in this group chat without a dirty joke…

 **brownie destroyer:** why can’t we be decent human beings?

 **protect our dolphins:** maybe we’re not human?  (Face With Open Mouth )

 **jiSNAKE:** are ghosts human?

 **milk boy:** probably not

 **jiSNAKE:** so that means nana isn’t human  (Relieved Face )

 **idk a lee jeno:** STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I’M DEAD

 **undercover homo:** _sometimes i still hear his voice_

 **brownie destroyer:** i can’t deal with you kids smh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So NCT Asia was a load of bullshit, but at least Red Velvet and 127's stages were LIT.
> 
> And...
> 
> NEW ASIAN ARTIST
> 
> WE WON SOMETHING!!!
> 
> And ofc my girlies Red Velvet winning Best Female Group (because no one else turned up lmao suck it) after they were ROBBED of their other rightful wins :P
> 
> I have a special chapter prepared to celebrate our win, but I wrote this first. Let's say that the special chapter will be up on Sunday?


	30. Y'ALL NEED TO STOP SLEEPING ON THE VOCAL KING LEE DONGHYUCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> you disgust me (renjun)  
> milk boy (jeno)  
> undercover homo (donghyuck)  
> idk a lee jeno (jaemin)  
> protect our dolphins (chenle)  
> jiSNAKE (jisung)
> 
> Note: This is the post MAMA chapter! And it's set just after MAMA finished :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> milk boy: i can't tell if that's shade at us or sm
> 
> idk a lee jeno: yes

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**undercover homo:** do you ever look at yourself and think “wow, i'm really underappreciated”

**undercover homo:** and then you look at the people around you and realise they get hyped for breathing

**undercover homo:** anyone else?

**you disgust me:** holy shit what time is it over there?

**undercover homo:** 3 AM

**you disgust me:** why are you still awake

**jiSNAKE:** he's obviously living it up in hong kong

**milk boy:** how the heck did you come to that conclusion

**milk boy:** he sounds depressed

**undercover homo:** you know that feeling when you're tired but everyone else around you is having a great time and then you're like “alright fiiineee i guess i'll pretend i'm enjoying myself for your sakes”

**undercover homo:** that's me right now

**you disgust me:** jesus get some fucking sleep

**you disgust me:** but i do know what you mean about feeling underappreciated

**idk a lee jeno:** hyuckie are you ok?

**undercover homo:** i’m fine, just exhausted tbh

**protect our dolphins:** isn't mark with you?

**undercover homo:** who cares

**undercover homo:** he’s probably celebrating being talented and loved by everyone

**undercover homo:** while i'm sat here, with a lemonade, trying to make sure none of these idiots drink too much

**jiSNAKE:** wow you're being responsible? that sounds fake

**undercover homo:** i know lol  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** except not lol because why will the hyungs not stop partying and call it a night? how are their livers still working?

**protect our dolphins:** it's good that you're looking out for the hyungs, but if you're tired you should just go to bed!

**undercover homo:** literally you lot are all awake too

**jiSNAKE:** don't tell mark pls

**you disgust me:** we've been playing video games all night  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**undercover homo:** and what's nana's excuse?  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**idk a lee jeno:** me? i was looking for the new rumoured unit that y'all couldn't stop talking about because apparently sm can't find it

**milk boy:** i can't tell if that's shade at us or sm

**idk a lee jeno:** yes

**jiSNAKE:** well you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet

**jiSNAKE:** for example, i read yesterday that apparently there are seven members of nct dream!!! but we all know the truth!!!

**idk a lee jeno:** listen you rat

**jiSNAKE:** what do you want me to listen to? your contributions to this group?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**undercover homo:** jisung don't be mean to him

**undercover homo:** our nana is fragile :)

**you disgust me:** fyi nana just video called jisung to whine at him

**you disgust me:** they're attempting to insult each other but they're both amateurs

**you disgust me:** you'd be ashamed  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** please tell me you're filming it omg

**you disgust me:** jeno's filming it, don't worry  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**protect our dolphins:** also you sound happier than you did before **@undercover homo**

**undercover homo:** yeah i feel it tbh

**undercover homo:** mainly because i’d been watching over doyoung to make sure he wasn't living it up too much and he just threw up but NOT ON ME  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

**jiSNAKE:** i'm back from being HARASSED by nana

**jiSNAKE:** omg tell us who got thrown up on lol

**undercover homo:** johnny  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** taeil is trying to clean him up lmao

**milk boy:** when you come back to us, we'll make sure you don't feel underappreciated  (Winking Face )

**protect our dolphins:** that wink emoji just made your message 10x weirder  (Unamused Face )

**undercover homo:** i can’t wait to be back home with you all!!!

**idk a lee jeno:** even me?

**undercover homo:** you can’t spell home without na jaemin  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**jiSNAKE:** yes you can

**protect our dolphins:** jisung shhh

**jiSNAKE:** fuckin make me

**idk a lee jeno:** you’re literally in the same room, why are you arguing in the _group chat?_

**milk boy:** be glad you two aren’t here right now

**milk boy:** they’re being disgusting  (Tired Face )

**undercover homo:** young love  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

**you disgust me:** it’s gross tbh

**you disgust me:** anyway why haven’t you gone to bed yet?

**undercover homo:** i’ll go now  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**undercover homo:** i’ve done my job of trying to look after the hyungs so i think i deserve sleep

**milk boy:** and don’t forget!!! you have something to look forward to when you come back home!!!

**undercover homo:** it better be cuddles  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

**you disgust me:** good night hyuck :)

**undercover homo:** good night fam ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you look at the time? It's time to appreciate how talented Donghyuck is!!!
> 
> SM NEED TO APPRECIATE HIM FOR ONCE
> 
> HE'S LITERALLY SO TALENTED
> 
> HE DESERVES MORE THAN TWO SECONDS OF LINES AND FOUR SECONDS OF SCREEN TIME
> 
> Or if SM doesn't want to give him what he deserves, they could always hire me... I could actually point a camera in his direction unlike them.
> 
> @ SM pls hire me I promise I'm nice


	31. No Insults At Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> give me lines for xmas: yeah we gotta spread the JOY
> 
> santa’s fave: joy is my bae tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> brownie destroyer (mark)  
> you disgust me (renjun)  
> milk boy (jeno)  
> undercover homo (donghyuck)  
> idk a lee jeno (jaemin)  
> protect our dolphins (chenle)  
> jiSNAKE (jisung)
> 
> Note: I started writing this just after MAMA and I finished it on the 17th. As I'm sure you all know, some things happened since then and I had to re-edit this chapter to make it more sensitive.

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**jiSNAKE:** yo it’s fuckin cHRISTMAS Y’ALL

**brownie destroyer:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO NOT SWEAR

**milk boy:** 2017 was the year of jisung rebelling against you tbh

**you disgust me:** **@jiSNAKE** there's still a week to go though? lol you need to chill

**jiSNAKE:** don’t tell me what to do wtf

**protect our dolphins:** jisung be nice or santa won’t get you any presents this year  >-<

**idk a lee jeno:** can santa get me back into sm

**undercover homo:** probably not

**undercover homo:** but satan might be able to  (Smiling Face With Horns )

**brownie destroyer:** donghyuck no

**brownie destroyer:** no one is selling their soul to satan while i’m still leader of dream

**idk a lee jeno:** anyway hyuck i think i’m ready to sell my soul to you  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** FIGHT ME

**milk boy:** can we have one day in this chat without arguing

**you disgust me:** 2018 should be the year of nct dream actually being nice to each other

**jiSNAKE:** ok but that’s fake

**brownie destroyer:** the next leader of dream is SO LUCKY to have you fuckers in the group with them :)

**idk a lee jeno:** i volunteer to be leader

**idk a lee jeno:** idgaf how stressful it is i just want to be back in dream

**milk boy:** you weren't ever really gone though

**idk a lee jeno:** you know what i mean  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**undercover homo:** stop flirting jfc  (Unamused Face )

**idk a lee jeno:** wow ok so i can't have a normal conversation with it being accused as me flirting with someone?

**undercover homo:** only when you're having conversations with jeno  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**brownie destroyer:** i swear 2017 has been the year of this group chat being fucking disgusting with people flirting at every given opportunity

**brownie destroyer:** we should ban group chat flirting next year

**protect our dolphins:** hyung i'm pretty sure you wouldn't know what a flirt looked like even if we were _all_ flirting with you  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**protect our dolphins:** you're too dense to notice anything like that  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** AMAZING  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

**brownie destroyer:** DON'T BULLY ME

**jiSNAKE:** wow that was the kind of burn we only see when mark's in the kitchen  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**idk a lee jeno:** JISUNG HOLY SHIT

**brownie destroyer:** IT'S TIME TO _STOP_

**jiSNAKE:** more like time for you to get cooking lessons  (Relieved Face )

**brownie destroyer:** I RAISED YOU AND _THIS_ IS WHAT I GET IN RETURN?

**jiSNAKE:** you're not my real dad

**you disgust me:** if you two don't stop arguing i’m sending screenshots to taeyong

**milk boy:** remember when it was mark who used to threaten us by saying he'd snitch to taeyong on us?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**brownie destroyer:** tbh i gave up after the fucking spork incident

**idk a lee jeno:** also you can't trust anyone who's ever had green hair  (Winking Face )

**undercover homo:** how green are we talking here?  (Smirking Face )

**idk a lee jeno:** literally any green

**milk boy:** you used to be nice  (Crying Face )

**jiSNAKE:** when was he ever nice

**idk a lee jeno:** nobody asked you  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**brownie destroyer:** kids pls be nice

**brownie destroyer:** i don't fancy cleaning up blood once i'm back home  (Worried Face )

**undercover homo:** lazy asshole smh  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

_jiSNAKE changed brownie destroyer's nickname to we miss the MAMA hair_

**protect our dolphins:** idk why but i thought that would be a more offensive nickname

**we miss the MAMA hair:** thanks jisung?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i miss having a normal hair colour tbh

**undercover homo:** we need to make a red hair squad lol

**you disgust me:** you only want that because you weren't part of the blonde squad  (Relieved Face )

**idk a lee jeno:** another squad i can't be part of? amazing  (Tired Face )

**milk boy:** but you're part of the no lines squad with me and jisung

**jiSNAKE:** aka the squad literally no one wants to be a member of

**we miss the MAMA hair:** come on guys

**we miss the MAMA hair:** we all know the REAL squad no one wants to be a member of is nct dream  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**protect our dolphins:** good job you won't be part of it for much longer then  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** STOP BEING MEAN TO ME

**undercover homo:** you 100% deserve it tbh

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i thought you liked me  (Crying Face )

**idk a lee jeno:** hyuck only likes himself  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**undercover homo:** bitch that's not true

_you disgust me changed undercover homo’s nickname to narcissist_

**you disgust me:** we _all_ know that it's true  (Relieved Face )

**milk boy:** don't you have a folder full of selfies on your phones?

**narcissist:** literally who doesn't though

**jiSNAKE:** what's a narcissist?

**idk a lee jeno:** someone who only loves themselves

**idk a lee jeno:** aka our hyuckie  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**narcissist:** OK WHO RENAMED MY SELFIE FOLDER ON MY PHONE TO “LOW QUALITY MEMES”

**milk boy:** lmao we finally got him to see it

**idk a lee jeno:** who did that omg  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**protect our dolphins:** wouldn't we have to know his phone passcode to do that?

**jiSNAKE:** you mean you _don't_ know his passcode?

**jiSNAKE:** i thought we all knew it tbh

**you disgust me:** it's mark's birthdate in case anyone wasn't aware  (Winking Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** it is?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** holy shit how did i not know that?

**idk a lee jeno:** amateur

**narcissist:** please tell me whoever did this didn't go through my phone  (Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )(Face Screaming In Fear )

**jiSNAKE:** if i were you i'd be very afraid  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**narcissist:** you couldn't handle being me  (Information Desk Person )

**narcissist:** but i am kind of scared about what you’ve seen on my phone  (Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**protect our dolphins:** wait what kind of weird stuff have you got on your phone then?

**narcissist:** none of your business  (Smiling Face With Halo )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** ok but could the person responsible send me a message because i’m curious now

**jiSNAKE:** you’re curious what weird shit your bf is hiding on his phone?  (Smirking Face )

**milk boy:** well _someone_ just told me what’s on that phone  (Winking Face )

**idk a lee jeno:** SPILL THE TEA

**narcissist:** NO DON’T

**narcissist:** DON’T EXPOSE ME

**milk boy:** honey you shouldn’t be ashamed of your skills in poetry  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**milk boy:** some of that stuff is _beautifully written_

**narcissist:** WHY

**narcissist:** SERIOUSLY WHY

**protect our dolphins:** poetry?

**jiSNAKE:** you fucking nerd

**we miss the MAMA hair:** that’s kind of cute tbh

**idk a lee jeno:** mark shhh stop being love sick for like a second

**narcissist:** i hate you all except mark

**you disgust me:** sounds like you don’t want us to recite some of the _lovely_ things you’ve written about someone in this group chat

**narcissist:** HOW DO _TWO OF YOU_ KNOW ABOUT THAT

**protect our dolphins:** they’ve reached the psychic level of their relationship

**we miss the MAMA hair:** that isn’t a thing

**protect our dolphins:** then _clearly_ you and hyuck aren’t doing it right  (Relieved Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** how many times

**we miss the MAMA hair:** we are not dating!!!

**jiSNAKE:** fake

**narcissist:** guys :(

**you disgust me:** i saw worse things when i went through your phone

**you disgust me:** be grateful that _this_ is the only thing i’m exposing you for

**narcissist:** IT WAS _YOU?_

**you disgust me:** i’m just getting revenge for the sock incident

**idk a lee jeno:** that didn’t happen to you though?

**you disgust me:** yeah but jeno is too fucking stupid to come up with a good revenge plan so i decided to spare myself the suffering of watching him being an idiot and did it for him

**milk boy:** what the fuck i’m not stupid???

**jiSNAKE:** i literally cling-filmed your door two days ago and you walked into that shit

**jiSNAKE:** you’re a fucking idiot  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** how many fucking times to i have to tell you to stop swearing

**jiSNAKE:** idk man maybe if you actually stopped swearing too then i’d have a good example to follow from  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**narcissist:** well you got your revenge

**narcissist:** please don’t share what you read though  (Person With Folded Hands ≊ Folded Hands)

**narcissist:** other than apparently with that asshole bf of yours

**milk boy:** stop insulting me wtf

**you disgust me:** it’s ok i’m not going to share anything you don’t want the uneducated to see

_narcissist changed you disgust me’s nickname to still an angel_

**narcissist:** also i’m changing my fucking phone passcode so none of you assholes can get into it again

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i’m still honoured that you were using _my_ birthday as your passcode

**idk a lee jeno:** our hyuckie is a huuuuge softie apparently

**narcissist:** stfu i’m not soft

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i can change that  (Winking Face )

**jiSNAKE:** ew gross

**milk boy:** btw does anyone want a nickname change? we’ve had a few of these nicknames for a while now

**milk boy:** i’m thinking the people who should have a change are me, nana, chenle and jisung

**jiSNAKE:** do it

_milk boy changed their own nickname to give me lines for xmas_

_give me lines for xmas changed idk a lee jeno's nickname to grinch_

_give me lines for xmas changed protect our dolphins's nickname to santa’s fave_

_give me lines for xmas changed jiSNAKE’s nickname to on the naughty list_

**give me lines for xmas:** done  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**on the naughty list:** i hate you

**grinch:** I HATE YOU MORE

**grinch:** I DON'T HATE CHRISTMAS

**narcissist:** you're the one who said halloween was better than christmas sweetie  (Relieved Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** kids be nice

**we miss the MAMA hair:** no insults at christmas

**still an angel:** so it's ok to insult each other at any other time of the year?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** wait no

**give me lines for xmas:** yeah we gotta spread the JOY

**santa’s fave:** joy is my bae tbh

**on the naughty list:** wtf chenle

**on the naughty list:** what about me

**santa's fave:** ilu but you aren't joy  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**narcissist:** careful!!! you're starting to sound like a str8!!!

**grinch:** stfu you spoon

**narcissist:** don't tell me what to do (ง •̀_•́)ง

**still an angel:** everyone in this fucking group chat is an idiot

**we miss the MAMA hair:** including yourself?

**still an angel:** yep

**still an angel:** we're _all_ idiots together

**on the naughty list:** but 127 are bigger idiots than us

**narcissist:** true  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**narcissist:** at least none of us are dumb enough to fall through a wooden coffee table while intensely dancing to red flavor

**santa's fave:** omg did that seriously happen?

**grinch:** AMAZING  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)(Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

**give me lines for xmas:** who did that happen to?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** yuta

**grinch:** LMAO MY MAN IS AN IDIOT  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**still an angel:** was he hurt?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** the only thing damaged was his pride

**narcissist:** tbh he said his ass hurt but i think we all knew he was used to that  (Winking Face )

**give me lines for xmas:** DONGHYUCK

**grinch:** HOLY SHIT  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

**santa’s fave:** i am CONFUSION

**still an angel:** because he’s a pain in the ass to us?

**on the naughty list:** i don’t think _that_ was the punchline he was going for  (Smirking Face )

**grinch:** LMAO SO THE MAKNAE GETS IT BUT NOT THE _SECOND OLDEST_

**still an angel:** is it something i _should_ get?

**narcissist:** idk ask jeno  (Winking Face )

**santa’s fave:** wtf jisung is crying laughing??? explain???

**give me lines for xmas:** **@narcissist** you are _so_ fucked when mark opens the chat

**grinch:** where is mark btw?  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**narcissist:** who cares tbh

**narcissist:** if he’s not here, i can make as many dirty jokes as i like  (Relieved Face )

**still an angel:** wait it was a dirty joke?

**still an angel:** fuck i get it now

**santa’s fave:** CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS

**santa’s fave:** JISUNG WON’T STOP LAUGHING AT ME

**santa’s fave:** I’VE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN HIM LAUGH THIS MUCH BEFORE

**give me lines for xmas:** who the fuck is screaming

**grinch:** i mean i’m not there but i’d assume it’s **@santa’s fave**

**santa’s fave:** it’s not me this time

**santa's fave:** lol it just stopped

**give me lines for xmas:** then who the fuck was it?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** oops sorry i only just opened the chat

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i ran up to the the 127 dorm to sort some stuff out and didn’t check my phone

**santa’s fave:** hyung can you _please_ scroll up and explain donghyuck’s joke to me?  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** ok give me a sec

**grinch:** lmao hyuck is screwed

**give me lines for xmas:** why has he gone suddenly quiet though?

**give me lines for xmas:** and rj too?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** holy fucking shit

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i can’t trust you kids to be alone for _ten minutes_

**grinch:** in our defence, your bf is a piece of shit

**santa’s fave:** hyung _please_ tell me what that joke means!!!

**we miss the MAMA hair:** it’s a fucking stupid joke and you really don’t have to worry about it

**santa’s fave:** oh ok

**on the naughty list:** btw the screaming is back??? who is it???

**grinch:** ayyy the maknae is still alive!

**on the naughty list:** i feel like i can’t breathe after laughing that much though  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**give me lines for xmas:** **@still an angel** you ok?

**still an angel:** oh hi guys

**still an angel:** i’m fine  (Smiling Face With Halo )

**grinch:** you’re being kind of suspicious though

**narcissist:** help me

**narcissist:** he's with me

**narcissist:** dsg;hda’osjso

**on the naughty list:** what the fuck

**we miss the MAMA hair:** look i’m still at the 127 dorm so can someone actually check what’s going on for me?

**santa’s fave:** i’ll go!!!

**santa’s fave:** the noise was coming from your room anyway lol

**we miss the MAMA hair:** are you fucking serious

**grinch:** time for some drama  (Hot Beverage )

**give me lines for xmas:** i’m a little concerned about them

**we miss the MAMA hair:** try being leader of you fuckers

**we miss the MAMA hair:** you never cease to make me concerned about you

**santa’s fave:** right so i kind of resolved the situation?

**grinch:** details!!!

**santa’s fave:** i went into the room and they looked like they were play fighting? rj just left the room with me so whatever was going on is sorted now :)

**narcissist:** he was trying to fucking choke me because of that joke

**grinch:** you were probably enjoying yourself then  (Winking Face )

**narcissist:** do you even know me??? what the fuck???

**still an angel:** i was just trying to set a few things straight with my old friend hyuck  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**still an angel:** we don't make jokes about certain things, do we?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**narcissist:** we may be friends but i can’t have you using that bad word!!!

**narcissist:** str8 is a no-no word!!!

**we miss the MAMA hair:** did you lose a few brain cells when he was throttling you or have you always been this dumb?

**on the naughty list:** why the fuck are you asking us when _you_ are the one dating him

**we miss the MAMA hair:** every time you swear a piece of me dies

**santa’s fave:** is that “piece” of you actually your hair

**santa’s fave:** because that thing looks like a filthy toilet brush when you wake up

**grinch:** CHENLE THAT WAS AN AMAZING BURN

**on the naughty list:** i think i’m in love???  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )(Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

**still an angel:** the best insults always come from the most unlikely people

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i quit

**narcissist:** yeah we know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, lots of stuff has been going on since the last update so I'll try and briefly cover everything.
> 
> Uni's going well. I finally got back my first assignment for uni and I did really well, so I'm really happy about that.
> 
> I've ordered Dream's Season's Greetings and I can't wait to get it!!!
> 
> NCT DREAM'S CHRISTMAS SM STATION. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?
> 
> And I've downloaded a shit-ton of songs from this year to catch up and there are some really good tracks I've missed until now. Currently, DamDaDi is my JAM, but I'm also enjoying Black Suit (SuJu), Spectrum (TRCNG) and Hellevator (Stray Kids). Anyone got any more recommendations for me?
> 
> But inevitably there had to be some lows this month too. And I think you all know what that low was. I'm staying as positive as possible because I've seen too much negativity and sadness which of course I understand, but I'm not the kind of person who likes to linger in darkness. I've said my mourning-filled thoughts all over my Twitter and I'm done with that now. If I continue to think of the sadness this has brought, then depression just wins again.
> 
> Don't let depression break you down. If you ever feel like you can't fight against negative thoughts anymore, remember that there are dozens of people who can tell you how much you are worth to them. I'm here if anyone needs to talk about what happened, or anything else that's bothering you.


	32. Merry DREAMmas :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grinch: i get that i’m a cold bitch but no way in hell would i hide out in your fridge
> 
> grinch: especially considering that there is food in there that i know FOR A FACT was “““cooked””” by mark lee
> 
> we miss the MAMA hair: listen dickweed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> we miss the MAMA hair (mark)  
> still an angel (renjun)  
> give me lines for xmas (jeno)  
> narcissist (donghyuck)  
> grinch (jaemin)  
> santa's fave (chenle)  
> on the naughty list (jisung)
> 
> Note: Merry Christmas everyone!

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**santa’s fave:** wait so if we celebrate christmas does that mean we are satanists???

**still an angel:** i’ll be honest

**still an angel:** that’s not the first message i expected to read on christmas

**grinch:** **@santa’s fave** nah, but we’re all SANTAnists (Winking Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i know christmas is all about being nice and shit but

**we miss the MAMA hair:** what the fuck was that joke?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i mean seriously did santa take away your sense of humour because you were a bad kid this year?

**grinch:** i’ve had shitty role models in the rookies dorm tbh

**narcissist:** MERRY MEMEMAS MY HOES  (Father Christmas ≊ Santa Claus)

**on the naughty list:** you’re the biggest hoe here wtf

**grinch:** aren’t all of you guys in the same building?

**grinch:** why aren't you actually doing this in person?

**give me lines for xmas:** we agreed to have a lie-in

**santa’s fave:** mark wanted to have a nap for once

**grinch:** oh lol  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**still an angel:** we opened some of our presents last night anyway

**grinch:** oooh what did y’all get?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** someone fucking bought me shampoo for damaged hair

**we miss the MAMA hair:** but there wasn’t a label on the present so i have been FORCED to be offended at everyone

**narcissist:** ok but honey

**narcissist:** your hair is a fucking disaster  (Relieved Face )

**narcissist:** you can’t hide from the truth  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** why do i tolerate you

**narcissist:** because i’m hotter than you

**we miss the MAMA hair:** THAT IS FAKE NEWS

**we miss the MAMA hair:** I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT I’M NOT THE ATTRACTIVE ONE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP

**still an angel:** can you two not having a squabble in our group chat _on christmas_ when you are literally lying in bed ACROSS THE ROOM FROM EACH OTHER

**on the naughty list:** ok but are we ignoring that mark called their thing a relationship?  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** yes

**grinch:** all this arguing really make me feel like i’m there with you  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**santa’s fave:** are you about to reveal you broke into the dorm last night and have been hiding out in the fridge?  (Face Screaming In Fear )

**grinch:** i get that i’m a cold bitch but no way in hell would i hide out in your fridge

**grinch:** especially considering that there is food in there that i know FOR A FACT was “““cooked””” by mark lee

**we miss the MAMA hair:** listen dickweed

**on the naughty list:** BUT ARE MARKHYUCK DATING I NEED TO KNOW

**still an angel:** why do you care

**still an angel:** when did you ever give a fuck about anything

**on the naughty list:** um wtf i care about my bae???

**santa’s fave:** clearly, which is why you bought me SOCKS for christmas  (Unamused Face )

**on the naughty list:** they were COUPLE SOCKS you ungrateful shit

**on the naughty list:** ummm i meant you ungrateful shit who i love and adore despite my cold heart

**santa’s fave:** you’re lucky you’re cute or is2g...

**on the naughty list:** but anyway **@still an angel**

**on the naughty list:** i care about markhyuck obviously because i need to update my shipping spreadsheet!

**still an angel:** you have a “shipping spreadsheet”?  (Neutral Face )

**grinch:** lmAo jisung you fucking loser

**on the naughty list:** MICROSOFT EXCEL DOESN’T INSULT ME WHICH IS WHY I ADORE HER

**give me lines for xmas:** jisung why are you personifying an _app_

**on the naughty list:** i don’t have to explain myself to non-believers like you assholes  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

**narcissist:** so if i confirm or deny the existence of your fucking otp will you shut the fuck up?

**on the naughty list:** i mean y’all aren’t my otp but sure

**narcissist:** merry fucking christmas, markhyuck is real  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

**grinch:** YES FINALLY

**santa’s fave:** THIS MAKES UP FOR JISUNG’S SHITTY PRESENT

**give me lines for xmas:** idk why you two seem surprised

**give me lines for xmas:** they literally are the most couple-like people in our entire group

**we miss the MAMA hair:** btw jisung just ran out of the room to get his laptop from the kitchen so he can update his dumb spreadsheet  (Unamused Face )

**still an angel:** you two know that if the 127 hyungs find out that you two are basically over, right?

**narcissist:** which is why none of you are going to tell them  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**give me lines for xmas:** i kinda want to see them bully you two some more though

**we miss the MAMA hair:** let me live for once omg

**we miss the MAMA hair:** you wouldn’t want to be a snake at christmas, would you?

**grinch:** wow mark, shaming us snakes for who we are

**grinch:** we can’t help being snakes  (Weary Face )

**grinch:** who knew mark was such a meanie?  (Pensive Face )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** i’m not even going to try and make sense of what you’re saying because it’s so fucking stupid

**still an angel:** stop being so salty

**still an angel:** we all knew nana was an idiot anyway  (Pensive Face )

**grinch:** did i ask

**santa's fave:** don't be mean just because santa brought your presents already  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

**give me lines for xmas:** hey nana

**grinch:** pls don't insult me  (Face With Cold Sweat )

**give me lines for xmas:** i wasn't going to?

**give me lines for xmas:** i was going to ask if you're coming to our dorm for christmas dinner later

**grinch:** wait what

**narcissist:** well you _are_ one of the family

**grinch:** am i seriously invited?

**we miss the MAMA hair:** that was one of our christmas surprises for you  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**grinch:** I'M ACTUALLY CRYING

**grinch:** GUYS

**grinch:** I LOVE YOU ALL

**still an angel:** don't get too excited

**still an angel:** mark will be cooking  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**we miss the MAMA hair:** STOP BEING MEAN TO ME

**grinch:** ok but is he seriously

**on the naughty list:** pfff if he was then my ass would be in the 127 dorm

**santa's fave:** welcome back jisung!!!

**on the naughty list:** my spreadsheet is officially up-to-date  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

**narcissist: @grinch** dw nana i’m not letting him anywhere near my kitchen today  (Relieved Face )

**grinch:** thank god

**narcissist:**  it's me and jeno doing the christmas dinner today  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

**give me lines for xmas:** i'll do my best  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**still an angel:** has anyone ever told you that that emoji looks exactly like you?

**still an angel: (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes ) **??? it's literally you ???

**santa's fave:** and _this_ is why you're loved up

**on the naughty list:** omg chenle i found an emoji that looks like you!!!

**on the naughty list: (Dolphin )(Dolphin )(Dolphin )**

**on the naughty list:** and it even _sounds_ like you!!!

**santa’s fave:** eat a bag of dicks

**still an angel:** CHENLE

**we miss the MAMA hair:** I EXPECTED SHIT LIKE THAT FROM JISUNG, NOT _YOU_

**grinch:** 2018 better be the year of chenle insulting all of you losers

**narcissist:** you’re one of the “losers” too

**santa’s fave:** you’d better hope you were all nice to me this year or else you’re next  (Winking Face )

**santa’s fave:** renjun is the only one who doesn’t have to be worried

**still an angel:** i’ll just sit back and watch him destroy you all

**grinch:** tbh he could destroy me with just the amount of money he has compared to me

**give me lines for xmas:** ok but if you didn’t spend all your money on mystery boxes then you’d actually have something in your account

**grinch:** YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT WTF

**narcissist:** jfc how many mystery boxes have you even bought?

**grinch:** NONE

**give me lines for xmas:** well he’s been buying them since march? and he literally does it whenever he has the money

**give me lines for xmas:** but he always makes sure he’s got enough in his account for his anime site subscriptions  (Winking Face )

**grinch:** jeno i hate you

**on the naughty list:** so you normally have wet dreams about people you hate? got it  (Relieved Face )

**grinch:** I DO NOT

**narcissist:** mark is fucking choking omg

**narcissist:** brb gotta save my bae

**santa’s fave:** nana you shouldn’t be ashamed of growing up like that!

**grinch:** I’M NOT

**grinch:** JISUNG I HATE YOU MORE

**on the naughty list:** lol

**still an angel:** don’t joke around jisung :)

**still an angel:** or you might find that your lovely shipping spreadsheet has been deleted :)

**on the naughty list:** OK I WAS JOKING I DIDN’T MEAN IT I’M SORRY  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

**grinch:** thanks renjun?

**still an angel:** no problem :)

**narcissist:** i’m back from making sure my bae was ok

**narcissist:** **@grinch** so what’s the weirdest shit you’ve got in a mystery box?

**grinch:** uhhh i don’t think mark would be happy if i shared it in the chat while the kids are here

**on the naughty list:** gross

**we miss the MAMA hair:** ANYWAY i think we should consider actually getting up now and conversing in person

**santa's fave:** but you're all more tolerable in the group chat than irl  (Pensive Face )

**grinch:** WOO I'M GOING TO GET READY TO GO OVER TO YOUR DORM NOW!!!

**grinch:** I'M SO EXCITED!!!

**still an angel:** merry christmas everyone!  (Father Christmas ≊ Santa Claus)

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this on Christmas Eve morning and JUST finished it on Christmas Eve evening! So apologies if it seems a little rushed or shitty (lmao just like the rest of this fic then) but I wanted to give you a Christmas chapter as thanks for the support you've given me for this fic. This is by far my most popular fic (for some reason???) and it's pretty fun to write, so a massive THANK YOU from me :)
> 
> Merry Christmas, I love you guys <3


	33. New Year, Nicknames Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bank of china: lol my name is 10/10
> 
> salty bae: let's never rate things out of 10 because ten is a piece of shit and that bitch stole my favourite duvet cover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> N/A - we're starting fresh!
> 
> Quick note, this is set around now (end of Jan 2018) so is a time-skip from the previous chapter. Think of it as Dream have been busy with things and haven't used their group chat actively for a little bit :)

_we miss the MAMA hair cleared all nicknames_

**jeno:** wait are we going nicknameless in 2018?

 **donghyuck:** limitless, timeless, nicknameless

 **donghyuck:** the never ending list of amazing things we give to the world  (Relieved Face )

 **mark:** i just thought we might have our group chat act normally with normal names for a while

 **chenle:** normal? idk her

 **mark:** plus i’m getting old and i’m struggling to remember who’s who with all the stupid nicknames

 **donghyuck:** we should all remind you who we are!!!

 **jisung:** i’m a pain in the ass

 **jisung:** apparently

_jaemin changed jisung’s nickname to pain in the ass_

**renjun:** doesn’t that completely defeat the point of mark clearing our nicknames?

 **jaemin:** but that _is_ our maknae’s name…

 **pain in the ass:** i hate u

 **donghyuck:** hi!!! i'm your no.1 fave person!!!

 **mark:** i think even i would notice if zac efron was in nct dream

 **jeno:** wow you just got rejected  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **chenle:** are we seriously introducing ourselves because i could be doing more important things right now

 **jaemin:** such as?  (Smirking Face )

 **chenle:** well i could be eating all my christmas candy

 **renjun:** if you get another sugar high then i’m calling your parents

 **chenle:** not if i call _your_ parents first

 **jeno: @mark** pls can we have nicknames

 **mark:** why

 **jeno:** the group chat looks too formal right now

 **donghyuck:** yeah we gotta bring back all the insults

 **jaemin: @donghyuck** the only thing bigger than your ego is chenle's bank account

 **donghyuck:** THAT DIDN'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO INSULT _ME_

 **pain in the ass:** i want to choose the nicknames this time

 **mark:** you know what

 **mark:** give it your worst

**pain in the ass: (Smiling Face With Horns )**

**renjun:** mark wtf you've just given him permission to do whatever the fuck he wants

_pain in the ass changed their own nickname to nct’s baby_

_nct's baby changed mark's nickname to when are u leaving_

_nct's baby changed renjun’s nickname to ex-carrot_

_nct's baby changed jeno’s nickname to dethroned nickname king_

_nct's baby changed donghyuck's nickname to salty bae_

_nct's baby changed jaemin’s nickname to who's this bitch???_

_nct's baby changed chenle's nickname to bank of china_

**salty bae:** LITERALLY WHY AM I NAMED AFTER AN OUTDATED MEME

 **nct's baby:** because you're as irrelevant as an outdated meme  (Winking Face )

 **who's this bitch???:** i'm moving back into your dorms and _this_ is the respect i get???

 **ex-carrot:** well _i_ liked my orange hair…

 **dethroned nickname king:** you suited it!!!  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **when are u leaving:** CAN WE AGREE THAT FLIRTING IS BANNED IN 2018

 **when are u leaving:** also jisung wtf

 **bank of china:** lol my name is 10/10

 **salty bae:** let's never rate things out of 10 because ten is a piece of shit and that bitch stole my favourite duvet cover

 **ex-carrot:** you have a favourite duvet cover…

 **when are u leaving:** which one?

 **salty bae:** the one with the fucking jungle animals on it because he thought sleeping with _a picture of a parrot_ was going to convince johnny to jump into bed with him

 **nct's baby:** he's weird wtf

 **who's this bitch???:** you've only just realised that?

 **bank of china:** ok i have a question for y'all!

 **bank of china:** if the zombie apocalypse happened and you had to choose one of the hyungs to be your survival buddy, who would you choose and why?

 **dethroned nickname king:** oooo i love a good scenario

 **salty bae:** i’d choose taeil for several reasons

 **salty bae:** firstly, the zombies wouldn't DARE touch the king of comedy

 **salty bae:** secondly, he's so precious like why would any zombie even want to hurt us?

 **salty bae:** thirdly, we can team up to make the ULTIMATE VOCAL TEAM and end the apocalypse with our talents  (Relieved Face )

 **ex-carrot:** i feel like you're overthinking the situation

 **dethroned nickname king:** yeah i’d just choose yuta because then i could be positive there'd be someone more scared than me  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **who's this bitch???:** i'm gonna fucking screenshot that and send it to him

 **dethroned nickname king:** do what you want ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **dethroned nickname king:** you can't deny he'd probably be screaming like a girl if the zombie apocalypse happened

 **nct's baby:** petition to change that phrase to “screaming like chenle”

 **bank of china:** i'll sign that petition!!!

 **when are u leaving:** my zombie apocalypse bro would be johnny because he'd be good company

 **salty bae:** speaking of that dumbass

 **salty bae:** and his dumb radio thing

 **salty bae:** when can we recruit wendy as a new member of our group because she seemed to want to join us

 **who's this bitch???:** recruit her quick before she joins another group

 **when are u leaving:** i mean we could always add her to the chat and ask her :) :) :)

 **ex-carrot:** we don't need anymore canadians

 **nct's baby:** was that unintended racism

 **ex-carrot:** as a member of a fucking ethnic minority in this chat i will fight you

 **who's this bitch???:** or he'll run off to china like everyone else lol

 **bank of china:** too soon lmao

 **ex-carrot:** don't worry about me leaving  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **ex-carrot:** i have an excuse to stay here

 **dethroned nickname king:** is it me?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **ex-carrot:** no i lost a bet to sicheng and he told me if i left the country before i paid him then he'd expose me

 **salty bae:** i have two questions

 **salty bae:** 1 - what bet did you lose?

 **salty bae:** 2 - what is he even going to expose about you?

 **who's this bitch???:** also you do know we're leaving the country soon, right?

 **bank of china:** shhh they're not supposed to know

 **ex-carrot:** the bet was about how long your salty ass would be sulking for once you found the pics of mark wearing jungwoo hyung’s sweater

 **dethroned nickname king:** lmao are you serious?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **ex-carrot:** i didn't expect him to be sulking for _five days_

 **salty bae:** I HAD A GOOD REASON TO SULK THIS TIME

 **when are u leaving:** IT WAS FREEZING COLD AND MY SWEATER HAD KETCHUP ON IT

 **when are u leaving:** LET ME LIVE

 **ex-carrot:** and also i have no idea what dirt he's got on me but i owe him cash that i don't have  (Weary Face )

 **bank of china:** just buy him food to appease him

 **who's this bitch???:** said “bank of china”

 **bank of china:** i’m saving my money until science makes it possible to transfer our souls into robots and then i'm investing in that shit

 **dethroned nickname king:** i’m concerned tbh

 **ex-carrot:** well i have no money so i’m just going to let all the consequences hit me  (Neutral Face )

 **salty bae:** ok but same

 **nct's baby:** renjun's living that yolo life

 **when are u leaving:** it's 2018 stop saying yolo

 **bank of china:** yeah!!! when my robot future comes true we'll live forever!!!

 **who's this bitch???:** ok but if your soul is inside a robot i don't think that counts as living forever because you will be _a robot_

 **salty bae:** the only way our stylists would stop attacking mark's hair would be if he was a robot lol

 **when are u leaving:** i'm going to find jungwoo and hang out with him :)

 **salty bae:** yeaH well _i’m_ going to hang out with my bestie yeri

 **ex-carrot:** isn't she kinda busy practicing for the comeback?

 **salty bae:** ok… well i'll hang out with my OTHER fave 99 liner

 **bank of china:** yukhei?

 **salty bae: @who’s this bitch???** fancy a trip to see your gf?  (Winking Face )

 **who's this bitch???:** count me in!!!

 **when are u leaving:** wait you're going to see _eunji_ to get revenge at me?

 **when are u leaving:** she probably hates me tbh

 **dethroned nickname king:** what did you do to her

 **when are u leaving:** i accidentally left her on read and she was annoyed at me

 **when are u leaving:** and idk i've just been too busy to fix things

 **salty bae:** ok now i feel bad for joking about visiting her as revenge

 **who's this bitch???:** so we're not going to see them?

 **who's this bitch???:** i'm going anyway fuck you

 **who's this bitch???:** mark if i see eunji i'll tell you're worried she hates you

 **when are u leaving:** thanks boo

 **nct's baby:** you're not nearly cool enough to say “boo”

 **when are u leaving:** isn't it past your bedtime?

 **dethroned nickname king:** isn't it time you stopped pretending to be responsible just because you're the oldest?

 **who's this bitch???:** YES JENO

 **ex-carrot:** are we still allowed to insult each other in 2018?

 **ex-carrot:** no one is going to try and ban insults?

 **nct's baby:** y'all can try but you'll NEVER succeed!

 **salty bae:** 2018 is officially the year of insults

 **when are u leaving:** kids no

 **who's this bitch???:** KIDS YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of 2018 - hi everyone!
> 
> I've been kind of flat for writing inspiration and I did start a chapter a little bit back but it just felt lifeless so I chose to clear the nicknames and start something fresher.
> 
> My Season's Greetings arrived yesterday and I love it so much ;-; And I'm NOT READY for Red Velvet's repack or whatever the heck SM is planning for NCT.
> 
> #freekun2k18
> 
> I literally have an assignment due in less than a week and I haven't even started it lmao I'm a bad role model. And now I'm really struggling to type because there's something up with the nerves in my dominant hand and I'm wearing a splint so... shout-out to touchscreens making my life a little easier :)


	34. Hotel Dramama ramama ramama (hey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when are u leaving: what the fuck is happening
> 
> when are u leaving: why is renjun in my room choking jisung
> 
> when are u leaving: why am i awake
> 
> when are u leaving: why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> when are u leaving (mark)  
> ex-carrot (renjun)  
> dethroned nickname king (jeno)  
> salty bae (donghyuck)  
> who's this bitch??? (jaemin)  
> bank of china (chenle)  
> nct's baby (jisung)
> 
> Note: This was written around when Yearbook 2 came out so there are references to that, and it was around when we heard Dream had gone to America.  
> Note 2: This chapter is set while they're in America. It just took a while to edit lol sorry :') They're in hotel rooms split as follows: Room 1 (Jeno & Jaemin), Room 2 (Mark & Jisung) and Room 3 (Renjun, Donghyuck and Chenle).

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **who’s this bitch???:** WHO THE FUCK REMOVED THE SHOELACES FROM ALL MY SHOES

 **when are u leaving:** can you shut the fuck up _PLEASE_

 **when are u leaving:** it’s 4 AM and i could be asleep right now

 **who’s this bitch???:** so go back to sleep and fetch me someone who actually cares about my problems

 **ex-carrot:** wasn’t that the entire reason we put you in a room with jeno?

 **ex-carrot:** so you could whine to him instead of us?

 **who’s this bitch???:** listen you asshole

 **nct’s baby:** why the fuck would any of us go near your shoes in the first place just for a dumb prank?

 **nct’s baby:** your shoes smell like a lethal disease  (Relieved Face )

 **when are u leaving:** stop fucking swearing

 **nct’s baby:** hypocrite

 **salty bae:** you two are in _the same room_

 **nct’s baby:** i didn’t agree to be his roommate here

 **ex-carrot:** no, but our manager put you with him so you wouldn’t wander off and do anything stupid while we’re away from home

 **bank of china:** that’s a bit much to expect jisung not to do anything stupid lol

 **nct’s baby:** looks like _someone_ doesn’t want a present for valentine’s day…  (Eyes )

 **who’s this bitch???:** is no one going to show any interest in the fact someone has attempted to prank me

 **salty bae:** “attempted”

 **salty bae:** bitch they succeeded

 **salty bae:** hence the reason you’re whining in the chat

 **when are u leaving:** i’m going to mute you assholes and get some more sleep before we actually have to be awake  (Angry Face )

 **bank of china:** i’m surprised you know what sleep is

 **when are u leaving:** you’re not my son

 **dethroned nickname king:** sleep is what people keep doing on my talents  (Unamused Face )

 **ex-carrot:** did you open the chat just to hype yourself up

 **dethroned nickname king:** well no one else does…

_who’s this bitch??? changed their own nickname to STOP IGNORING ME_

**nct’s baby:** you mean like sm has been ignoring you for the past year?  (Smirking Face )

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** i fucking hate you

 **ex-carrot:** be nice unless you want me to go to your rooms and force you both to be nice

 **nct’s baby:** oooOooooOooo i’m scARed  (Tired Face )

 **ex-carrot:** the joke’s on you because mark gave me the spare key to your room  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **salty bae:** ok jisung you’re screwed

 **salty bae:** he just left our room  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **nct’s baby:** WAIT NO

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** he doesn’t have to key to my room, right?

 **salty bae:** no i think mark has the spares for our room and your room

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** thank god

 **dethroned nickname king:** i’ll kick your ass though if you’re causing drama  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** I’M NOT CAUSING DRAMA

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND THE CULPRIT

 **salty bae:** you two are also in _the same room_

 **when are u leaving:** what the fuck is happening

 **when are u leaving:** why is renjun in my room _choking jisung_

 **when are u leaving:** why am i awake

 **when are u leaving:** why

 **bank of china:** lolol mark’s having a life crisis

 **when are u leaving:** shut up

 **when are u leaving:** oh thank god they’ve stopped

 **salty bae:** LMAO

 **nct’s baby:** HE’S GONE

 **nct’s baby:** FINALLY

 **bank of china:** what happened?  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **nct’s baby:** he came to the fucking room and throttled me

 **nct’s baby:** and now mark’s buried himself under his blanket

 **nct’s baby:** i think he’s trying to go to sleep again lol

 **ex-carrot:** i did what i had to do

 **salty bae:** also did we lose jeno and jaemin?

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** he tried to SILENCE ME

 **dethroned nickname king:** you were being a bitch  (Relieved Face )

 **dethroned nickname king:** did rj seriously go to mark and jisung’s room to _choke_ the maknae?

 **salty bae:** no need to sound so disappointed!!! i’m sure he’ll do the same to you if you ask nicely!!!

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** _donghyuck_

 **salty bae:** chenle is crying laughing across the room

 **salty bae:** good to know his sense of humour is maturing  (Winking Face )

_dethroned nickname king removed salty bae from the chat_

**nct’s baby:** omg

 **ex-carrot:** mark is going to be so mad at him when he sees those messages  (Face With Rolling Eyes )

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** you seem surprisingly unbothered considering how you’d leave the chat over something like that last year

 **ex-carrot:** i’m trying to grow a backbone this year

 **bank of china:** wtf i thought we all have spines???

 **dethroned nickname king:** it’s not a literal phrase

 **ex-carrot:** hyuck’s demanding to be added back btw

 **nct’s baby:** what’s new

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** so is anyone going to own up to being the asshole who stole my shoelaces

 **bank of china:** literally no one cares

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** i don’t get when you became so sassy

 **bank of china:** of course you don’t

 **bank of china:** that’s what happens when you aren’t around for over a year  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** but… i’m back now… :/

 **dethroned nickname king:** don’t be sad!!!

 **ex-carrot:** YOU TWO ARE IN THE SAME ROOM, HAVE YOUR CONVERSATION _IN PERSON_ \-- dh

 **nct’s baby:** why is hyuck typing on renjun’s phone?

 **ex-carrot:** he insisted on “making it up to me” and he’s currently in my bed trying to be cosy

 **dethroned nickname king:** he’s doing _WHAT?_

 **nct’s baby:** lmao jeno’s jealous

 **nct’s baby:** might as well play with your side hoe while your bae is focused on someone else~

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SIDE HOE

 **bank of china:** remember when we called nana the main hoe and renjun the side hoe? good times…

 **ex-carrot:** relax

 **ex-carrot:** you know hyuck’s only interested in one person anyway

 **nct’s baby:** and he’s busy snoring across the room from me…

 **ex-carrot:** lmAO jeno thinks i’m about to steal his man -- dh

 **dethroned nickname king:** the more you tease me, the less likely i am to add you back

 **ex-carrot:** or literally anyone else in this chat could add me back -- dh

_bank of china changed dethroned nickname king’s nickname to jeno’s jelly baby_

**jeno’s jelly baby:** I’M NOT JEALOUS

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** honey you’re burning with jealousy right now

 **ex-carrot:** want me to make you more jealous? -- dh

 **ex-carrot:** _[image attached]_

 **nct’s baby:** lmao they actually _are_ cuddling in bed  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **ex-carrot:** i did not consent to that picture to be taken of me

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** was that renjun or hyuck just then?

 **ex-carrot:** if it was the other dumbass then he’d have fucking signed the message

 **ex-carrot:** idk why chenle couldn’t just confirm it for you since he’s right here

 **bank of china:** lol i’m too busy watching you two

 **bank of china:** for all you people who aren’t here - this is the most awkward cuddling i’ve ever seen

 **bank of china:** hyuck looks like a puppy trying to win renjun’s approval

 **bank of china:** and renjun looks like he wants to climb out of our hotel room window to escape him

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** jeno still seems jealous though lol

 **jeno’s jelly baby:** i’m not  >-<

 **jeno’s jelly baby:** ok maybe i am a little bit

 **nct’s baby:** ummmm guys

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** what do you want

 **nct’s baby:** maybe some RESPECT

 **nct’s baby:** well i _was_ going to tell y’all that i found something but i guess you don’t really want to know  (Relieved Face )

 **ex-carrot:** what did you find?

 **nct’s baby:** _[image attached]_

 **nct’s baby:** discuss

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** IT WAS _MARK???_

 **ex-carrot:** why would mark steal your shoelaces though?

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** I DON’T CARE WHY

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** THAT IS A PICTURE PROVING IT WAS HIM

 **jeno's jelly baby:** it’s literally a picture of some shoelaces stashed in his suitcase  (Confused Face )

 **jeno's jelly baby:** anyone could have put them there

 **nct’s baby:** you mean like renjun who has a key to this room  (Smirking Face )

 **ex-carrot:** why the fuck would i steal nana’s shoelaces and make it look like mark did it

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** i’m getting confused as to whether it was mark or not now

 **jeno's jelly baby:** do we need to have another group chat court case?

 **nct's baby:** fuck no

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** if someone doesn't owns up, i'll tell taeyong hyung that you're all trying to destabilise the group

 **ex-carrot:** he'll just whine at us for being childish though

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** SO OWN UP

 **ex-carrot:** IT WASN'T ME

 **bank of china:** he's right, it wasn't him

 **nct's baby:** how do you know?  (Smirking Face )

 **bank of china:** because it was **@jeno’s jelly baby**

 **jeno's jelly baby:** wtf no it wasn't?

 **bank of china:** then explain this

 **bank of china:** _[video attached]_

 **ex-carrot:** omg mark made you do it?  (Face With Tears Of Joy ) \-- dh

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** I HATE BOTH OF YOU SNAKES

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** also brb i’m just going to beat the shit out of my bff

 **nct's baby:** lmao

_ex-carrot added salty bae to the chat_

**salty bae:** so why did mark get jeno to steal nana's shoelaces?

 **salty bae:** the video's sound wasn't good

 **bank of china:** something about initiating him back into the group ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **ex-carrot:** mark's kind of weird tbh

 **nct's baby:** but he's kinda got the right idea with pranking him back into the group

 **nct's baby:** nana's got to get used to us again if he wants to stick around  (Winking Face )

 **STOP IGNORING ME:** I CAN STILL SEE YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME

 **bank of china:** you finished beating up jeno?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **jeno's jelly baby:** thankfully

_when are u leaving changed STOP IGNORING ME's nickname to welcome back nana_

**when are u leaving:** good to know my plan worked

 **welcome back nana:** i want to hate you but my nickname is too pure ;-;

 **salty bae:** my bae is awake  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)(Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **jeno's jelly baby:** mark you should scroll up

 **jeno's jelly baby:** hyuck was talking shit before  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **when are u leaving:** ok give me a minute

 **salty bae:** well i'm screwed

 **bank of china:** does this mean i'm the main vocal again?

 **salty bae:** no

 **jeno's jelly baby:** can someone change my nickname

_ex-carrot changed jeno's jelly baby's nickname to eggsy_

**nct's baby:** LMAO

 **eggsy:** I DID NOT LOOK LIKE EGGSY

 **welcome back nana:** you looked identical to him  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **welcome back nana:** you can't deny the truth

 **ex-carrot:** you looked kind of good dressed as eggsy  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Smiling Eyes )

 **eggsy:** i wasn't dressed as him  (Persevering Face )

 **eggsy:** but thanks  (Flushed Face )

 **salty bae:** gay

 **ex-carrot:** yes

 **when are u leaving:** those last two messages are literally a summary of this chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This might be the last update for a bit because I got assignments and shit (aka I always put stuff off until last minute lol) and I really want to write a proper fic again. I have so many plans but none of them ever take off... my goal is to write something for Renjun's birthday so I've got some time to produce that (famous last words...)
> 
> I think we're all excited about whatever the heck NCT are planning to throw at us with NCT 2018. If you couldn't already tell, I'm very enthusiastic about Dream and so I'm getting myself ready for what they have for me. I'm not so fond of the NCT U teaser pics because they're not really my style but I know I'm probably in a minority there lol. We'll see what they have for us~
> 
> Until next time (which might be a little bit unfortunately), have a good day/night and keep the boys in your thoughts.
> 
> \-- ordin_yeri


	35. And so they recruited an eighth member...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nct's baby: lmao our resident midget is claiming he could take on little bitch hyuckie in a fight
> 
> when are u leaving: I SWEAR TO GOD JISUNG
> 
> when are u leaving: YOU ARE SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> when are u leaving (mark)  
> ex-carrot (renjun)  
> eggsy (jeno)  
> salty bae (donghyuck)  
> welcome back nana (jaemin)  
> bank of china (chenle)  
> nct's baby (jisung)
> 
> ...and a special mysterious guest "too tall for nct dream"

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**when are u leaving:** children i need your attention

**welcome back nana:** then you've come to the wrong neighborhood

**when are u leaving:** ok you're banned from dessert for a week

**nct's baby:** shit we can't risk losing our dessert privileges

**eggsy:** well if you wanted him to think you're behaving yourself i wouldn't have thrown a swear in your message  (Winking Face )

**nct's baby:** did i ask you

**ex-carrot:** you wanted attention? **@when are u leaving**

**when are u leaving:** THANK YOU

**when are u leaving:** this is why you're my favourite

**salty bae:** excuse _you_ mark lee

**when are u leaving:** so anyway i thought we should add a new person to our chat

**bank of china:** you already can't handle six of us so what makes you think adding someone new will make your life easier?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**nct's baby:** if you add ty hyung then i'm leaving

**welcome back nana:** quick someone add ty track so we can get jisung to leave

**nct's baby:** i will end you

**when are u leaving:** fuck you guys i’m adding him anyway

_when are u leaving added yukhei to the chat_

**bank of china:** damn it now i have to be good or he'll snitch to sicheng

**yukhei:** i have many questions

**when are u leaving:** welcome to nct dream!!!

_salty bae changed yukhei’s nickname to too tall for nct dream_

**too tall for nct dream:** omg i've been waiting for this moment

**too tall for nct dream:** also i have no idea who is who but whatever ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**ex-carrot:** this feels really weird having an outsider in our chat

**eggsy:** yeah it's like our child-friendly safe place has been violated  (Weary Face )

**salty bae:** “child-friendly”

**salty bae:** are you mistaking this chat with something else?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**too tall for nct dream:** so... what do you guys talk about here?

**nct's baby:** idk we mostly insult each other

**when are u leaving:** you're making us sound much worse than we are  (Unamused Face )

**welcome back nana:** mark you realise we don't have to pretend we're pure children, right?

**welcome back nana:** hyung will happily join us even if we roast his ass to china and back  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**too tall for nct dream:** you're not wrong  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**ex-carrot:** so, how are you enjoying being part of a non-permanent unit?

**too tall for nct dream:** well it's pretty okay right now

**salty bae:** you're looking forward to returning to the sm dungeon once these promotions are over?  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**too tall for nct dream:** idk but i can always ask for advice from ten or jaemin so i know what it's like to be there for a long time  (Winking Face )

**welcome back nana:** (Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife) (Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife) (Hocho ≊ Kitchen Knife)

**eggsy:** we were considering petitioning to sm that we're all added to a permanent unit once we're too old for this one

**eggsy:** all of us except the two assholes who are already in 127, that is  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**salty bae:** awww jeno’s getting jealous that he's not being overworked  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**when are u leaving: ^^** you don't even know what overworked feels like (Face With Cold Sweat )

**salty bae:** hey, you're the one who said you liked all the work even if it tires you out (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**bank of china:** who knew that mark was such a masochist lmao

**welcome back nana:** CHENLE

**nct's baby:** this is exactly the reason why i like you (Two Hearts )

**nct's baby:** you're becoming savage lol

**when are u leaving: @bank of china** i am NOT

**when are u leaving:** and how do you even know what that is…

**too tall for nct dream:** you really weren't kidding about this chat being full of insults

**ex-carrot:** it's probably donghyuck’s fault

**salty bae:** i'll fight you

**ex-carrot:** and then you'll lose just like every other time you try and challenge me  (Relieved Face )

**nct's baby:** lmao our resident midget is claiming he could take on little bitch hyuckie in a fight

**when are u leaving:** I SWEAR TO GOD JISUNG

**when are u leaving:** YOU ARE SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT

**welcome back nana:** hyuck _is_ a little bitch though lol  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**salty bae:** well if i'm not going to win a fight against the short one then i'm DEFINITELY going to take on nana

**ex-carrot:** STOP CALLING ME SHORT

**nct's baby:** ok mr less than average height

_ex-carrot removed nct's baby from the chat_

**ex-carrot:** anyone else fancy insulting me today?

**too tall for nct dream:** you guys are so competitive wtf  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**too tall for nct dream:** i'm starting to reconsider my wish to join you guys

**bank of china:** good

**ex-carrot:** chenle be nice

**ex-carrot:** he'll tell sicheng you're being an asshole

**eggsy:** so when mark threatens to tell taeyong you're misbehaving it's fine?

**bank of china:** the difference is that taeyong thinks i’m nice  (Smiling Face With Halo )

**too tall for nct dream:** yeah you guys should see what chenle's like in our china line group chat lol

**too tall for nct dream:** the kid has zero chill

**welcome back nana:** i knew it was a mistake to teach chenle how to be better at korean

**bank of china:** you’d rather me not be able to understand you losers than me being able to throw sick burns your way?

**welcome back nana:** tbh yes

**welcome back nana:** i’m sensitive i might cry if you’re mean to me  (Persevering Face )

**eggsy:** since when are you sensitive

**welcome back nana:** since that child started insulting us

**bank of china:** well you’d better get used to it sweetie  (Relieved Face )

**when are u leaving:** for once i wish you’d all be nice

**salty bae:** btw what’s jisung doing now we kicked him?

**bank of china:** sulking and playing pokémon in my room

**ex-carrot:** serves him right

**too tall for nct dream:** oooo tell him to catch a pokémon and name it after his fave hyung~

**bank of china:** he said “i have a fave hyung???”

**too tall for nct dream:** rude

**when are u leaving:** congrats you’ve just realised that jisung is the demon child

**eggsy:** **@too tall for nct dream** hyung you should change all our nicknames

**salty bae:** damn and i was starting to enjoy my name :/

**welcome back nana:** btw our nicknames are a BIG deal

**too tall for nct dream:** thanks for the added pressure

_too tall for nct dream changed when are u leaving’s nickname to belieber bro_

_too tall for nct dream changed ex-carrot’s nickname to resident midget_

_too tall for nct dream changed eggsy’s nickname to you got lines!!!_

_too tall for nct dream changed salty bae’s nickname to little bitch hyuckie_

_too tall for nct dream changed welcome back nana’s nickname to banana_

_too tall for nct dream changed bank of china’s nickname to fake nice_

**resident midget:** just you wait until i tell sicheng that you're encouraging bullying me about my height (ง •̀_•́)ง

**little bitch hyuckie:** i used to like you

**too tall for nct dream:** and now you _love_ me instead?  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

**little bitch hyuckie:** your greasy flirting might work on the hyungs but it sure doesn't work on me

**belieber bro:** it wasn't even _that_ greasy though

**little bitch hyuckie:** maybe not compared to captain grease himself nakamoto yuta

**little bitch hyuckie:** but on a scale of 1-10

**little bitch hyuckie:** i’d give him a solid 8.5

**banana:** meanwhile yuta is like a 40/10 on the greasiness scale  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**you got lines!!!:** we should add jisung back so yukhei hyung can change his nickname too

**fake nice:** do we have to

**resident midget:** aren't you sat right next to him???

**fake nice:** just because he's here doesn't mean i can't insult him  (Winking Face )

**little bitch hyuckie:** aren't you _dating him_

**fake nice:** not officially  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**fake nice:** anyway you're dating mark and you're still an asshole towards him  (Relieved Face )

**you got lines!!!:** hyuck’s an asshole to _everyone_

**little bitch hyuckie:** i am not  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

**banana:** so are we adding back jisung or not

**belieber bro:** ugh i guess

_banana added nct's baby to the chat_

**too tall for nct dream:** do you guys want me to change his nickname too?

**you got lines!!!:** yes

**resident midget:** and you better be as mean as possible with his new nickname

_too tall for nct dream changed nct's baby's nickname to insufferable little shit_

**insufferable little shit:** wtf

**insufferable little shit:** i give you nothing but my love and respect

**insufferable little shit:** and here you are, being a meanie to me  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

**banana:** when have you ever given anyone “love and respect”

**insufferable little shit:** maybe yesterday?

**insufferable little shit:** idk ask **@fake nice**

**fake nice:** sweetie you’ll have to try harder if you want me to back you up  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**little bitch hyuckie:** lmao jisung just got rejected by his bae

**belieber bro:** you guys exhaust me with all your dumb arguments

**banana:** how are you not used to this yet

**you got lines!!!:** yeah i mean we’ve been arguing and insulting like this for years lol

**fake nice:** awww mark is feeling Old™

**resident midget:** and you wonder why he’s leaving…  (Unamused Face )

**belieber bro:** i’m not leaving!!!

**too tall for nct dream:** but bro…

**too tall for nct dream:** if you _did_ happen to leave

**too tall for nct dream:** your bro here could always replace you  (Winking Face )

**fake nice:** …

**fake nice:** mark pls stay

**you got lines!!!:** and all it took was the threat of replace mark with yukhei hyung lol

**too tall for nct dream:** you guys don’t want me?  (Loudly Crying Face )

**resident midget: @fake nice** you know that you’re not going to get rid of him completely, right? he’s still in our china line chat

**fake nice:** ugh i didn’t consider that :/

**fake nice:** i just need to remove all the uncool hyungs from my life

**insufferable little shit:** mood

**little bitch hyuckie:** BIG MOOD

**banana:** so are we keeping yukhei hyung then?

**belieber bro:** temporarily

**too tall for nct dream:** (Growing Heart )(Growing Heart )(Growing Heart )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Me again.
> 
> I keep losing track of time in between these chapters... can't believe it's been over a month since the last one (sorry lol)
> 
> Honestly, I'm a bit out of it in the fandom right now and with the new comeback. Don't get me wrong, the album's on its way to me but all the content has been too much to keep up with. I'll get around to watching all those damn N Minute videos eventually (as long as SM chills with posting them)...
> 
> So, shall we keep Yukhei a member of this group chat for a few more chapters? Assuming that I don't take several months between each chapter. He's living his dream finally.
> 
> (Remember when I said I'd try and write something for Renjun's birthday? Yeah, I don't think that's happening. Curse you, writer's block/uni!)


	36. ｉｔ＇ｓ ｓｏｍｅｂｏｄｙ＇ｓ ｂｉｒｔｈｄａｙ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> banana: CRISIS
> 
> too tall for nct dream: …weren’t you supposed to stop him from seeing this?
> 
> belieber bro: ACT NORMAL
> 
> little bitch hyuckie: because writing “act normal” is the definition of acting normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> belieber bro (mark)  
> resident midget (renjun)  
> you got lines!!! (jeno)  
> little bitch hyuckie (donghyuck)  
> banana (jaemin)  
> fake nice (chenle)  
> insufferable little shit (jisung)
> 
> And special guest "too tall for nct dream" (yukhei)
> 
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about baking and therefore any depictions of baking may be disastrously incorrect. Pretend I'm right just for my sanity~

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

 **belieber bro:** …

 **belieber bro:** is everyone assembled for our plan?

 **insufferable little shit:** what plan  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **you got lines!!!:** it's okay jisung you don’t have to keep playing dumb

 **you got lines!!!:** i can confirm our target is not going to see these messages

 **fake nice:** he wasn't playing dumb lol, he actually _is_ dumb  (Winking Face )

 **insufferable little shit:** if i didn't like you then i would DESTROY you

 **belieber bro: @banana** how is the target

 **banana:** he's chatting with hyuck and doesn't suspect a thing  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **banana:** he did ask me who i was messaging a bit ago but i told him it was hina

 **fake nice:** as long as he believes your fake girlfriend story, we're safe

 **banana:** she's real wtf

 **fake nice:** i meant your story was fake not your gf but ok sis

 **belieber bro: @too tall for nct dream** are you in the guard position outside our dorm

 **too tall for nct dream:** yes

 **too tall for nct dream:** if he returns, i won't let him in  (Face With No Good Gesture ≊ Gesturing No)

 **belieber bro:** excellent

 **belieber bro:** then operation “make renjun's birthday party actually go well this year” has begun  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **too tall for nct dream:** did something go wrong last year?

 **you got lines!!!:** we made the mistake of letting mark be responsible for baking him a cake

 **belieber bro:** it wasn't _completely_ my fault…

 **insufferable little shit:** pretty sure the oven catching fire was _definitely_ your fault  (Relieved Face )

 **fake nice:** tbh the main issue was we were doing stuff during the day and by the time we got back to celebrate we were all too tired

 **fake nice:** but at least this year me and jisung are going to make the cake  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **insufferable little shit:** yet here you are, not helping me  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

 **banana:** i can't believe it's already time for another one of us to turn 18  (Loudly Crying Face )

 **fake nice:** hahaha old

 **fake nice:** JISUNG JUST THREW CAKE BATTER AT ME AND TOLD ME IF I DON'T HELP HIM THEN HE'LL THROW THE WHOLE MIX OVER ME

 **banana:** serves you right for talking shit instead of doing what you're supposed to be doing  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **you got lines!!!:** can't believe i’m next to become an Adult™  (Disappointed But Relieved Face )

 **belieber bro:** i'm an idiot

 **insufferable little shit:** yeah we know

 **belieber bro:** aren't you supposed to be making a cake

 **insufferable little shit:** i'm having a break while chenle finally does something

 **banana:** mark you're not an idiot :/

 **belieber bro:** i am

 **belieber bro:** i said i would put up decorations and shit but now i’m realising that i’m not tall enough  (Tired Face )

 **insufferable little shit:** midget

 **too tall for nct dream: @belieber bro** why didn't you get your giant maknae to do the decorations then? (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **you got lines!!!:** because we knew putting mark in charge of decorations meant there was a smaller chance of a kitchen fire this year

 **banana:** although with the maknaes in the kitchen, it's probably not going to be _much_ different to last year lol

 **insufferable little shit:** if you have such a problem with us making something easy like a cake then why didn't _you_ volunteer to cook?  (Unamused Face )

 **banana:** i didn't want to be responsible for another cooking disaster

 **too tall for nct dream:** so are any of you actually good at cooking?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **belieber bro:** hyuck's the talented cook here

 **you got lines!!!:** he doesn't really trust any of us to cook except him

 **too tall for nct dream:** then why did you not make _him_ do the cake?

 **belieber bro:** …

 **belieber bro:** he doesn't even know we're making a cake this year  (Neutral Face )

 **banana:** _you didn't tell him?_

 **belieber bro:** only because i knew he'd insist on doing it because he doesn't trust me >-<

 **belieber bro:** and i didn't want him to be stressed out about making a cake because no one else is competent enough…  (Flushed Face )

 **you got lines!!!:** he's still going to be mad at you for not letting him do it  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **fake nice:** the cake is in the oven  (Person Raising Both Hands In Celebration ≊ Person Raising Hands)

 **belieber bro:** i knew i could trust you two  (Two Hearts )

 **you got lines!!!:** i'm out of tape

 **insufferable little shit:** good for you

 **you got lines!!!:** jisung shhh

 **you got lines!!!:** i kind of need tape so i can keep wrapping these presents so unless anyone has any…

 **belieber bro:** you're the one whose roommate does art and shit

 **belieber bro:** he's probably got some tape hidden in his drawers somewhere

 **you got lines!!!:** good point

 **banana:** guys we have a Situation™

 **belieber bro:** please tell me you have it under control

 **banana:** good news for you guys

 **banana:** we're not coming home for a while

 **banana:** _[image attached]_

 **fake nice:** renjun got his hand stuck in a vending machine? (Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )(Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **you got lines!!!:** is he okay?

 **banana:** he's fine don't worry~

 **banana:** he was just too determined to get his chocolate bar even after it got stuck  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

 **little bitch hyuckie:** hello losers

 **insufferable little shit:** ew i thought we got rid of him

 **little bitch hyuckie:** _anyway_ i assume nana filled you in about how the future birthday boy has his hand stuck inside a vending machine  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **little bitch hyuckie:** there's a maintenance guy on the way to release him lol

 **fake nice:** the cake is done!!!

 **you got lines!!!:** didn't you only start cooking it like ten minutes ago?  (Face With Cold Sweat )

 **little bitch hyuckie:** what cake?

 **belieber bro:** THERE IS NO CAKE

 **insufferable little shit:** yeah… just a burnt _thing_

 **belieber bro:** please don't tell me you burnt it…

 **insufferable little shit:** i didn't

 **insufferable little shit:** chenle did  (Relieved Face )

 **fake nice:** keep trashing me and i might actually force you to eat what’s left of the cake

 **you got lines!!!:** what did you do?  (Confused Face )

 **fake nice:** the recipe said to cook it for 20 minutes at 180

 **fake nice:** so i thought if i put the oven on the highest setting it would cook for quicker

 **little bitch hyuckie:** THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

 **banana:** did you seriously cook it for a few minutes and think that would work

 **fake nice:** in my defence i’ve never made one before

 **little bitch hyuckie:** AND I SWEAR I’M NEVER GOING TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO BURN FOOD IN _MY KITCHEN_

 **you got lines!!!:** in other news

 **you got lines!!!:** the only tape i found had moomins on it and i’d feel bad if it used that :/

 **you got lines!!!:** does anyone have another option?

 **little bitch hyuckie:** sorry but i’m still not over the fact that you guys decided it was a good idea to try and make a cake after the DISASTER last year

 **little bitch hyuckie:** _WITHOUT ME_

 **resident midget:** hi guys

 **banana:** CRISIS

 **too tall for nct dream:** …weren’t you supposed to stop him from seeing this?

 **belieber bro:** ACT NORMAL

 **little bitch hyuckie:** because writing “act normal” is the definition of acting normal  (Face With Rolling Eyes )

 **resident midget:** _[image attached]_

 **resident midget:** thought you guys might want a picture of me while i’m partially trapped in this vending machine

 **you got lines!!!:** cute

 **banana:** well at least _someone_ is acting normal

 **banana:** of course jeno would find that picture "cute"  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **fake nice:** so do i throw the cake in the trash or do i pretend it’s okay and just put icing on it

 **belieber bro:** i am GOING FOR A WALK AND YOU GUYS BETTER SORT YOUR SHIT OUT WHILE I’M GONE

 **resident midget:** do i want to know?

 **insufferable little shit:** if you do, you could always scroll up  (Upside-Down Face )

 **too tall for nct dream:** i don’t think any of you are making this situation seem less suspicious

 **fake nice:** all offence you aren’t even in this group sweetie  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **too tall for nct dream:** but you let me into your group chat  (Smirking Face )

 **too tall for nct dream:** it’s basically the same thing, right?

 **fake nice:** wrong

_fake nice removed too tall for nct dream from the chat_

**banana:** this is going nearly as badly as last year

 **you got lines!!!:** i gave up on my search for tape

 **you got lines!!!:** i’m tying the wrapping paper together with shoelaces now

 **insufferable little shit:** IF YOU TOUCHED MY BRAND NEW WHITE TRAINERS I WILL CHOKE YOU

 **you got lines!!!:** oops?

 **resident midget:** you guys really aren’t good at surprises, are you? :)

 **little bitch hyuckie:** well at least the maintenance guy is here to free our second oldest member

 **belieber bro:** did you read the messages? **@resident midget**

 **resident midget:** yes

 **resident midget:** but first i made hyuck and nana tell me what was going on

 **banana:** he threatened us  >-<

 **banana:** he said next time we have overseas schedules he’d make sure we were left behind if we didn’t tell him the truth

 **insufferable little shit:** wow he really _is_ becoming more savage  (Smiling Face With Heart-Shaped Eyes )

 **fake nice:** don’t you throw heart eyes emojis towards him you ungrateful shit

 **fake nice:** you’re supposed to be nice and appreciate _me_

 **fake nice:** where are _my_ heart eyes emojis?

 **little bitch hyuckie:** literally whenever jisung sees you he gives you the real-life equivalent of that emoji

 **resident midget:** well since your dumb plan to hide this from me has been foiled and i’m free from the vending machine

 **resident midget:** (with my chocolate that i bought)

 **resident midget:** we’re going back to the dorms

 **belieber bro:** but then you’ll see the disaster that is your surprise party  (Tired Face )

 **resident midget:** honestly i’m just flattered that you even went to the effort of trying to prepare a party for me

 **resident midget:** i’ll appreciate it no matter how burnt the cake is  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **you got lines!!!:** we don’t deserve you :)

 **banana:** he’s too pure  (Loudly Crying Face )

 **fake nice:** happy birthday  (Sparkling Heart )

 **little bitch hyuckie:** finally we have another adult in this group  (Loudly Crying Face ) hb bro (Two Hearts )

 **belieber bro:** let’s have a great day together (even if we did mess up your party)

 **belieber bro:** happy birthday!  (Party Popper )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I probably wouldn't be doing a birthday chapter for him, but yesterday I found myself with some free time and my tablet so I started whatever this chapter is. It's rushed, but in my defence I literally started writing it an hour and a half before his birthday and I only just finished it now.
> 
> Happy birthday to my ult <3 <3 <3 I hope he's having a great day!
> 
> (And now, back to my assignment that's due in three days that I've not started... don't be like me and write fanfictions instead of important school work lol)


	37. Mark Lee doesn't see THE VISION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> belieber bro: STOP ARGUING
> 
> resident midget: yeah if you keep arguing mark might leave us and run away with his crush daniel
> 
> banana: lmao what?
> 
> belieber bro: I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> belieber bro (mark)  
> resident midget (renjun)  
> you got lines!!! (jeno)  
> little bitch hyuckie (donghyuck)  
> banana (jaemin)  
> fake nice (chenle)  
> insufferable little shit (jisung)
> 
> Note: *pretends it hasn't been two and a half months since the last update*

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 

**fake nice:** i had a really weird dream last night

**banana:** was it an… _nct dream?_

_belieber bro removed banana from the chat_

**little bitch hyuckie:** MARK WHY DID YOU KICK HIM FOR THAT AMAZING JOKE

**belieber bro:** “amazing joke”

**belieber bro:** that was the shittiest joke i’ve ever heard

**you got lines!!!:** i thought the rumours of sm debuting a china unit was a shittier joke tbh  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

_resident midget removed you got lines!!! from the chat_

**fake nice:** add them back so i can tell you all about my dream >-<

**resident midget:** ugh fine

_resident midget added banana to the chat_

_resident midget added you got lines!!! to the chat_

**resident midget:** you two assholes better behave while sm’s future tells us about his dream

**insufferable little shit:** wtf i thought i was sm’s future???

**you got lines!!!:** you’re sm’s future when it comes to talent but chenle is probably going to own the whole fucking label in like ten years

**fake nice:** accurate lol

**little bitch hyuckie:** are you going to tell us about your lame-ass dream or not?

**fake nice:** ok listen up bitches

**fake nice:** long story short………

**fake nice:** i dreamed that taeyong hyung was a furry

**fake nice:** and i want to know what that means

**banana:** LMAO

**belieber bro:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FURRIES

**insufferable little shit:** he has urban dictionary as his homepage lol

**little bitch hyuckie:** that wasn’t a dream, that was reality  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**resident midget:** since when was taeyong hyung a furry?

**banana:** have you ever heard his lyrics? if he's not a furry now it's only a matter of time  (Smirking Face )

**you got lines!!!:** can we please stop talking about furries

**little bitch hyuckie:** why?

**little bitch hyuckie:** hiding something?  (Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )

**you got lines!!!:** the only thing i’m hiding is my wish to choke you

**little bitch hyuckie:** kinky  (Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )(Smirking Face )

**belieber bro:** right i’m BANNING the smirk emoji from now on

**belieber bro:** and i’m also banning any conversations about weird shit

**belieber bro:** i know nearly half of us are adults now but can we not do this please……

**you got lines!!!:** **@little bitch hyuckie** I MEANT I WANTED TO FIGHT YOU I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

**little bitch hyuckie:** of course not

**insufferable little shit:** **@you got lines!!!** lmao it’s not your fault that hyuck’s got a dirty mind

**little bitch hyuckie:** excuse you

**little bitch hyuckie:** i am a PURE CHILD  (Smiling Face With Halo )

**fake nice:** yeah _sure_

**little bitch hyuckie:** shut up dolphin boy i didn’t ask for your opinion :) :)

_banana changed fake nice’s nickname to dolphin boy_

_banana changed little bitch hyuckie’s nickname to pure filth_

**dolphin boy:** (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

**pure filth:** na jaemin do you want to fucking fight

**banana:** only if you want to lose bitch

**belieber bro:** STOP ARGUING

**resident midget:** yeah if you keep arguing mark might leave us and run away with his crush daniel  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**banana:** lmao what?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**belieber bro:** I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM

**insufferable little shit:** yeah you do lol

_you got lines!!! changed belieber bro's nickname to daniel’s man_

**daniel's man:** is2g i will leave this group chat

**dolphin boy:** you mean like you do in the 127 group chat and pretend it's by “““accident”””

**banana:** LMAO i'm with mark right now and he just phoned sicheng hyung to tell him chenle’s bullying him

**you got lines!!!:** are you serious omg

**pure filth:** yeah he did lol

**pure filth:** he's whining about how sicheng hyung needs to get his kid to be nice for once

**resident midget:** you're also with him?

**pure filth:** yep

**banana:** well the call ended and now mark's sulking

**daniel's man:** i'm not sulking

**daniel’s man:** and can someone change my nickname please

**you got lines!!!:** you'll regret asking me to change it lol

_you got lines!!! changed their own nickname to doyoung’s fave_

_doyoung's fave changed daniel's man's nickname to fake nctzen_

_doyoung's fave changed resident midget’s nickname to renjuwu_

_doyoung's fave changed banana’s nickname to our nana_

_doyoung's fave changed insufferable little shit’s nickname to stop growing_

**doyoung's fave:** my work is done

**fake nctzen:** wtf i’m not fake

**doyoung's fave:** you didn't recognise a song by your own group

**fake nctzen:** because it's like the only damn song i'm not in

**dolphin boy:** without you, sun  & moon and timeless say hi (Relieved Face )

**renjuwu:** we should have an nct dream vocal unit so we can have songs without mark too

**renjuwu:** no offence **@fake nctzen**

**pure filth:** omg yes

**dolphin boy:** count me in!!!!

**our nana:** damn i guess if the vocals are forming their own unit we should make the no lines squad

**doyoung's fave:** you can call us the rap line it's ok

**our nana:** lol no we're having this unit without mark

**fake nctzen:** it's fine i'll just leave you kids to look after yourselves then

**stop growing:** you're leaving anyway though

**doyoung's fave:** and you'd bring the average height of our unit down

**stop growing:** join the midget vocal unit instead of our superior tall unit

**dolphin boy: @stop** **growing** maybe if you stopped talking shit you'd actually have time to be given lines

**stop growing:** CHENLE

**stop growing:** CAN YOU NOT BE MEAN TO ME FOR ONCE

**pure filth:** i miss when chenle was the innocent and pure one in this chat

**renjuwu:** i should add you to the china line chat and then you can see what he's like normally  (Relieved Face )

**renjuwu:** there's a good reason why i'm sicheng’s favourite

**dolphin boy:** yeah it's because you're the least annoying one in the chat

**our nana: @fake nctzen** who would you say is “the least annoying one” in this chat?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**fake nctzen:** that… is not an easy decision to make…

**doyoung's fave:** we're not that bad lol

**fake nctzen:** so you want to be the leader? be my guest

**fake nctzen:** i guess renjun is the least annoying except when you assholes start being mean to him and he goes savage at you

**renjuwu:** wow i'm flattered

**our nana:** then who is the _most_ annoying?

**dolphin boy:** if he doesn't say donghyuck then we know that he's lying  (Winking Face )

**pure filth:** stfu bitch

**stop growing:** nah we all know mark's whipped for him lol

**stop growing:** he's never going to admit how annoying hyuck is  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**our nana:** LMAO HYUCK JUST GOT UP AND SAID HE'S GOING TO “SILENCE THE MAKNAE”

**renjuwu:** if only it was that easy to shut up that kid

**fake nctzen:** i wasn't even going to say hyuck was the most annoying smh

**doyoung's fave:** we know

**renjuwu:** is that jisung screaming?

**renjuwu:** and is that chenle laughing at him?

**doyoung's fave:** relationship goals  (Raised Fist )(Weary Face )(Splashing Sweat Symbol ≊ Sweat Droplets)

**fake nctzen:** you want to be throttled while renjun laughs at you????  (Confused Face )

**our nana:** jeno wtf

**renjuwu:** jeno wtf (2)

**doyoung's fave:** it was a JOKE

**stop growing:** oh my god i can barely breathe

**stop growing:** i got CHOKED for making one (1) joke

**dolphin boy:** but it was pretty funny to watch it happen  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**stop growing:** CHENLE STOP BULLYING ME CHALLENGE FAILED

**pure filth:** also who are we kinkshaming?  (Eyes )(Eyes )(Eyes )

**fake nctzen:** literally no one mentioned kinkshaming

**pure filth:** i have the 7th sense for detecting when we gotta kinkshame someone  (Winking Face )

**our nana:** dear god why did you bring up nct u

**fake nctzen:** the rap god inside me is shuddering at remembering my Origin™

**doyoung's fave:** glad we all forgot my joke hahaha  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**renjuwu: (Unamused Face )**

**renjuwu:** you're lucky i know you really are joking

**pure filth:** damn so we _aren't_ kinkshaming today?  (Persevering Face )

**fake nctzen:** someone pls remove him from the chat

**stop growing:** you're in the same room as him

**stop growing:** if we kick him then he's still going to bother you lol

**fake nctzen:** huh

**fake nctzen:** now i'm starting to regret thinking you were the most annoying one here

**stop growing:** WHAT

**our nana:** lmao poor jisung

**dolphin boy:** DSHFSGH I'M LAUGHING

**renjuwu:** WE CAN ALL HEAR

**doyoung's fave:** but what's new lol

**our nana:** definitely not your bad sense of humour

**doyoung's fave:** jaemin WHY

**pure filth:** lol no jam strikes again

**doyoung's fave:** MY JOKES ARE FINE

**doyoung's fave:** YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN

**renjuwu:** when have i ever said your jokes were bad

**fake nctzen:** you kicked him from the chat for joking about the china unit

**renjuwu:** oh i forgot about that

**dolphin boy:** to be fair that was a terrible joke

**doyoung's fave:** chenle did i ask

**dolphin boy:** but do you know what's a worse joke?  (Winking Face )

**our nana:** i’m already afraid of what he's going to say

**dolphin boy:** the BIGGEST joke

**dolphin boy:** is mark and donghyuck having a break before the end of the year  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**fake nctzen:** you're very rapidly moving up my list of the most annoying people here

**pure filth:** _YOU'RE NEXT CHENLE_

**dolphin boy:**????

**our nana:** idk what that means but it sounds like you're screwed lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)
> 
> Sorry for the large gap between this and the last chapter. I was finishing off my first year at uni with my last few assignments but now they're out of the way and I'm on a long summer break, I'm all yours ;)
> 
> I'm still very behind with all the shows NCT has been on the last few months so my references in this chapter come mainly from Twitter... where I have a new @ if you'd like to follow me ;) [@song0fstarlight](https://twitter.com/song0fstarlight)  
> And my question to you... have you invested in the NCTzen war hammer (our lovely lightstick)? I really shouldn't have... but I did...


	38. nct dream drop your comeback teasers you COWARDS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our nana: maknae line stop making me feel old challenge FAILED
> 
> fake nctzen: YOU THINK YOU FEEL OLD?
> 
> fake nctzen: I WAS BORN IN A DIFFERENT MILLENNIUM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> fake nctzen (mark)  
> renjuwu (renjun)  
> doyoung's fave (jeno)  
> pure filth (donghyuck)  
> our nana (jaemin)  
> dolphin boy (chenle)  
> stop growing (jisung)
> 
> AN: some inspiration arrived i guess so here's a new chapter after two months (oops sorry)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

**fake nctzen:** ok normies

**fake nctzen:** since our comeback is  (Soon With Rightwards Arrow Above ≊ Soon Arrow)

**fake nctzen:** y'all have got to be on your BEST behaviour

**fake nctzen:** NO SLIP-UPS

**fake nctzen:** NO SPOILERS

**our nana:** lmao tell that to spoiler king lee donghyuck

**pure filth:** you can't silence me!!!

**fake nctzen:** i’ll torch your michael jackson albums if you spoil anything  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**pure filth:** _you monster_

**renjuwu:** if you didn't want spoilers to get out you should have taught _someone_ to keep his damn hood up

**renjuwu: (White Right Pointing Backhand Index ≊ Backhand Index Pointing Right) ** @doyoung’s fave (White Left Pointing Backhand Index ≊ Backhand Index Pointing Left)

**dolphin boy:** busted lol

**doyoung's fave:** he wouldn't have found out if you didn't tell him!  (Persevering Face )

**stop growing:** yeah he's too old and stupid to watch a livestream

**fake nctzen:** jisung stfu

**stop growing:** you don't control me!!!

**stop growing:** you're not my real dad!!!

**fake nctzen:** also JENO WHY

**doyoung's fave:** ACCIDENT

**pure filth:** dumbass didn't think shaking his head aggressively would reveal his hair  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**pure filth:** and i'm gonna change my nickname now  (Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )

_pure filth changed their own nickname to spoiler king_

_pure filth changed doyoung's fave's nickname to jeNO WHY_

**jeNO WHY:** IT WAS A MISTAKE

**dolphin boy:** i think we can all collectively agree you were dumb  (Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat )

**fake nctzen:** no more mistakes guys

**fake nctzen:** or the people on twitter are probably gonna burst a brain cell coming up with theories about the shit you're leaking to them

**spoiler king:** speaking of twitter

**spoiler king:** let's discuss your tweets  (Winking Face )

**our nana:** does mark even know what twitter is???

**our nana:** he probably thinks he's messaging on msn lol

**stop growing:** what is an msn

**renjuwu:** _jisung_

**jeNO WHY:** ｊｉｓｕｎｇ

**dolphin boy:** i'm with jisung though?

**dolphin boy:** what's msn?  (Face With Cold Sweat )

**fake nctzen:** i know what twitter is  (Unamused Face )

**fake nctzen:** fuck you guys

**our nana:** maknae line stop making me feel old challenge FAILED

**fake nctzen:** YOU THINK YOU FEEL OLD?

**fake nctzen:** I WAS BORN IN A DIFFERENT MILLENNIUM

**stop growing:** yes old man we know

**spoiler king:** anyway mark you tweet like someone ten times your age  (Relieved Face )

**jeNO WHY:** ｉｔ＇ｓ ｔｉｍｅ ｔｏ ｓｔｏｐ

**renjuwu:** jeno _you_ need to stop with the wide text generator

**fake nctzen:** i cannot believe you tried to start an intervention because of the way i tweet

**our nana:** “Hahaha hey guys. You think the way I tweet is funny? It's because I'm old!! haha. Jaemin is my favourite member of NCT Dream haha really really he's my number one - Mark”

**our nana:** did i do it right?  (Face With Stuck-Out Tongue And Winking Eye )

**spoiler king:** JAEMIN

**spoiler king:** I LOVE YOU

**dolphin boy:** i don't think it's right because mark would never call _you_ his favourite member  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**fake nctzen:** is my tweet style really that easy to imitate…

**our nana:** you tell me haha!!!

**fake nctzen: (Expressionless Face )**

_jeNO WHY changed fake nctzen's nickname to hahaha it's mark_

**hahaha it's mark:** i'm so glad i'm leaving dream soon so i don't have to tolerate this slander

**renjuwu:** please don't leave us with jisung as our leader

**renjuwu:** i’m begging you

**stop growing:** don't worry guys i'll be an amazing leader!  (Smiling Face With Halo )

**spoiler king:** mark pls stay you gotta save us from him

**hahaha it's mark:** hmm

**hahaha it's mark:** maybe i _will_ stay

**hahaha it's mark:** or maybe not

**hahaha it's mark:** who knows what the future holds?  (Winking Face )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> I'm going to write this now (August 15th) and I will SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE
> 
> NCT DREAM WILL RELEASE TEASERS TODAY
> 
> NCT DREAM WILL WIN 1ST AS OT7
> 
> And maybe (definitely) I'll like this title track more than Go. Now that's tea. NCtea.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and reviews! I don't always reply to comments because I never know what to say but every single email I get from AO3 telling me people like my writing makes me so happy. You're all amazing :)


	39. The Special Blanket & the Monopoly Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeNO WHY: unrelated but what is jaemin and chenle’s ship name
> 
> stop growing: who cares chenle is mine you rat
> 
> jeNO WHY: ok wow i just asked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter today and by complete coincidence I've just noticed it's the first anniversary of this fic! Can't believe it's been a year already. Thank you for sticking with me through this and through my first year at uni. You've given me a lot of support and good feelings from your kudos and comments so... thank you <3
> 
> Nicknames:  
> hahaha it's mark (mark)  
> renjuwu (renjun)  
> jeNO WHY (jeno)  
> spoiler king (donghyuck)  
> our nana (jaemin)  
> dolphin boy (chenle)  
> stop growing (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

**our nana:** HEY BROCCOLI HAIR GIVE ME BACK MY SPECIAL BLANKET

**hahaha it's mark:** i'll be honest i did not expect to be reading those words today

**renjuwu:** “broccoli hair”

**dolphin boy:** not until you admit that you cheated in monopoly  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**spoiler king:** this is still about jaemin beating you at monopoly?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**spoiler king:** who knew chenle was such a sore loser lmao

**stop growing:** tbh it's kind of sad that nana is 18 and still has a “special blanket”

**our nana:** shut up jisung you still use baby shampoo

**stop growing:** ONLY BECAUSE I ENJOY SMELLING LIKE A NEWBORN

**jeNO WHY:** and because you cry when you get soap in your eyes

**stop growing:** WHY ARE WE ATTACKING ME SUDDENLY

**hahaha it's mark:** because you're a little shit

**stop growing:** i thought you'd left

**renjuwu:** guys stop arguing before i call someone to change the locks on our dorm while you're out

**spoiler king:** i--

**dolphin boy:** i thought you'd be a nicer leader than mark…..

**renjuwu:** you've know me for years and you thought i was going to be _nice?_

**hahaha it's mark:** you losers need someone to keep you in line

**hahaha it's mark:** i hope for your sakes that renjun can lead you

**our nana:** anyway BACK TO CHENLE STEALING MY SHIT

**dolphin boy:** YOU STOLE MY MONOPOLY MONEY FROM ME

**our nana:** YOU LANDED ON MY PROPERTIES

**our nana:** THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO PAY ME

_renjuwu removed our nana from the chat_

_renjuwu removed dolphin boy from the chat_

**hahaha it's mark:** i said it was a bad idea to play monopoly yesterday…

**jeNO WHY:** how could any of us possibly predict that chenle would bankrupt himself by landing on the cheapest property

**stop growing:** yeah but he spent all his money early on doing dumb shit like buying his way out of jail immediately

**stop growing:** he's a dumbass lmao  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

**hahaha it's mark: @renjuwu** you were joking about changing the locks, right?

**stop growing:** yeah chenle doesn't even live with us

**spoiler king:** jisung

**spoiler king:** he spends 90% of his time cuddling you in your bed

**stop growing:** i know that…….

**stop growing:** he STILL doesn't technically live with us though

**hahaha it's mark: @renjuwu** ???

**renjuwu:** so here's the situation

**jeNO WHY:** there's a situation?

**renjuwu:** chenle won't give back jaemin’s special blanket until jaemin admits chenle was the rightful winner of monopoly

**hahaha it's mark:** are you with them both?

**renjuwu:** yes

**renjuwu:** i locked the three of us in the bathroom so they were forced to discuss this disagreement

**stop growing:** you locked them in the bathroom???  (Face Screaming In Fear )

**spoiler king:** renjun’s savagery has no end omg

**hahaha it's mark:** can you get them to come to a compromise so they both stop sulking?

**renjuwu:** i’m doing my best  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**spoiler king:** we love you uwu prince~

**jeNO WHY:** (2)

**stop growing:** you know

**stop growing:** even though i want to be the next leader of nct dream

**stop growing:** i can't deny renjun is doing a pretty good job

**hahaha it's mark:** he's actually got good leadership qualities

**renjuwu:** oh

**renjuwu:** thanks guys  (Flushed Face )

**hahaha it's mark:** are we any closer to peace between them?

**jeNO WHY:** unrelated but what is jaemin and chenle’s ship name

**stop growing:** who cares chenle is mine you rat

**jeNO WHY:** ok wow i just asked

**renjuwu:** i think they're coming to an agreement

**renjuwu:** something about buying lego as compensation?

**renjuwu:** ok i'm going to let them out now

**hahaha it's mark:** well done  (Clapping Hands Sign ≊ Clapping Hands)

**stop growing:** can't believe chenle dropped the argument after being promised _lego_

**stop growing:** lmao what a loser  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

_spoiler king added our nana to the chat_

_spoiler king added dolphin boy to the chat_

**jeNO WHY:** hey chenle

**jeNO WHY:** jisung just called you a loser

**dolphin boy:** well i _am_ jisung’s loser

**spoiler king:** ew gross

**renjuwu:** said the user formerly known as “mark's loser”

**spoiler king:** renjun shhh

**hahaha it's mark:** so everyone's happy now?

**our nana:** i got my special blanket back, so yes

**stop growing:** i'll be happy when i'm not the maknae of nct finally

**spoiler king:** keep waiting jisung  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't wait two months between this chapter and the last!!! Go me!!!
> 
> I had some free time and no internet so I wrote another chapter for you. And I only noticed when editing on here that it's been a year since I first published this. Again, thank you for your support and love.
> 
> The album's out! Obviously We Go Up is a banger. It might be my fave track on the album, but Drippin' is growing on me in a weird way. What's your favourite track on We Go Up?
> 
> And most importantly, what would Jaemin and Chenle's ship name be? Do people ship them? I need to know these things.
> 
> Bye~ <3


	40. While MarkHyuck are away, the Dreamies come out to play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> renjuwu: i forbid you from doing any of the dumb shit xuxi does
> 
> renjuwu: any of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> renjuwu (renjun)  
> jeNO WHY (jeno)  
> spoiler king (donghyuck)  
> our nana (jaemin)  
> dolphin boy (chenle)  
> stop growing (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 **renjuwu:** did mark mute this chat while he’s in la?

 **stop growing:** i’m not psychic

 **our nana:** you’re assuming he knows how to mute a group chat  (Winking Face )

 **jeNO WHY:** jaemin shhh

**dolphin boy: @spoiler king**

**spoiler king:** WHAT do you losers want

 **spoiler king:** it’s 2am  (Tired Face )

 **stop growing:** lol it’s 6pm here

 **renjuwu:** did mark mute this chat

 **spoiler king:** ugh as if you’re planning to trash mark while i’m tired...

 **spoiler king:** i wish i could take part  (Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )(Loudly Crying Face )

 **renjuwu:** answer the damn question

 **spoiler king:** wow ok sis

 **spoiler king:** calm it with the attitude  (Relieved Face )

 **spoiler king:** he didn’t mute the chat

 **spoiler king:** he got me to uninstall the app instead

 **jeNO WHY:** lol classic mark

 **spoiler king:** can you let me go to sleep now?

 **renjuwu:** um yeah sure

 **spoiler king:** ok bye i’m muting y’all while i get my beauty sleep

 **dolphin boy:** why were we checking mark couldn’t see the chat?

 **renjuwu:** because i’m going to be mean to someone and he’d protest

 **stop growing:** ooooo

 **stop growing:** as long as it isn’t me

 **dolphin boy:** no one is ever going to bully you again  (Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )(Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **stop growing:** (Growing Heart )

**renjuwu:** when chensung have stopped flirting, i will continue

 **dolphin boy:** (Unamused Face )

 **renjuwu:** so

 **renjuwu:** i thought we should discuss someone’s ridiculous coffee preference

 **renjuwu:** since our fans now have found out about it

 **our nana:** is this an intervention

 **jeNO WHY:** pff as if you haven’t been expected this to happen

 **our nana:** you’re supposed to be on MY SIDE

 **stop growing:** you deserve this tbh

 **our nana:** NOT YOU TOO

 **renjuwu:** basically you’re an idiot

 **renjuwu:** idk how or why you drink that shit

 **dolphin boy:** i have a theory that he’s trying to get super powers

 **stop growing:** woah does that work?

 **dolphin boy:** yeah lol

 **dolphin boy:** you see i was hanging out with xuxi last tuesday and he drunk four cans of energy drinks in an hour and it gave _him_ super powers!

 **dolphin boy:** he gained the power of super high speed!

 **jeNO WHY:** that’s called a sugar high

 **renjuwu:** i forbid you from doing any of the dumb shit xuxi does

 **renjuwu:** _any of you_

 **our nana:** it’s cute you’re worried about me renjun~  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **renjuwu:** ew

 **stop growing:** we love some good renmin content  (Winking Face )

 **renjuwu:** EW

 **our nana:** i can look after myself

 **our nana:** don’t worry too much about my poor choice in caffeinated drinks

 **stop growing:** so this was a conversation that really required mark to be absent?

 **renjuwu:** he’d probably not want me to call you guys idiots

 **renjuwu:** even though you all are

 **jeNO WHY:** i object

 **our nana:** jeno you’re the most idiot here

 **dolphin boy:** i thought i was the most idiot here

 **stop growing:** wtf no???? that’s me you loser

 **renjuwu:** stop FLIRTING

 **stop growing:** says the person who flirts just as much with BOTH jeno and jaemin  (Hot Beverage )

 **dolphin boy:** dsghlsaf

 **jeNO WHY:** lmao renjun you set yourself up for that one

 **renjuwu:** i DO NOT flirt with you two

 **our nana:** ashamed?  (Face Throwing A Kiss )

 **renjuwu:** that i know you?

 **renjuwu:** yes

 **our nana:** (Face Screaming In Fear )

 **jeNO WHY:** i’m not ashamed of you nana!!!

 **our nana:** yeah i know you’re a clingy bitch

 **dolphin boy:** i think this is what jisung meant about you three flirting

 **renjuwu:** do you want me to come to your house and choke you

 **our nana:** (Smirking Face )

 **renjuwu:** never mind!!! jaemin just volunteered to be my victim instead!!!

 **stop growing:** lol nana you better run

 **jeNO WHY:** don’t mess with renjun  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **dolphin boy:** now i think i understand why renjun didn’t want mark to see these messages

 **jeNO WHY:** this chaos is going to be a daily thing when mark leaves us

 **stop growing:** you can’t spell nct dream without chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretending like I know what's going on in the fandom by including like three references to things that have happened in the last month... that's how I roll~
> 
> But hey, I'm here again. Was it a month since the last chapter again? Sorry! Busy month! RTX, holidaying, starting back at uni etc.
> 
> If it's any consolation, I've been trying to write other things (with little success). Maybe one day you'll see the RenMin arcade fic, or the 2000 line Hogwarts fic (either of them), or the alien joining NCT fic. Ask me about them ;)


	41. Mark and the Talking Fridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stop growing: EVERYONE STOP TALKING
> 
> renjuwu: if making us quiet was that easy, mark would have succeeded a long time ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicknames:
> 
> hahaha it's mark (mark)  
> renjuwu (renjun)  
> jeNO WHY (jeno)  
> spoiler king (donghyuck)  
> our nana (jaemin)  
> dolphin boy (chenle)  
> stop growing (jisung)

(group chat - nct nightmare)

 **stop growing:** i have a question

 **renjuwu:** no one cares

 **dolphin boy:** you’re supposed to be nice to him  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **renjuwu:** i gave up on being nice

 **renjuwu:** in case you hadn’t noticed  (Face With Rolling Eyes )

 **stop growing:** can i TALK

 **our nana:** wow

 **our nana:** your question was if you can talk?

 **our nana:** lmao jisung

 **stop growing:** JAEMIN

 **stop growing:** I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO SASS ME

 **our nana:** and no one asked me to be a visual legend, but here i am  (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )

 **spoiler king:** ok who’s been inflating nana’s ego?

 **dolphin boy:** probably jeno

 **jeNO WHY:** chenle shhh

 **stop growing:** EVERYONE STOP TALKING

 **renjuwu:** if making us quiet was that easy, mark would have succeeded a long time ago

 **stop growing:** my question is about mark

 **stop growing:** IF YOU’LL LET ME ASK IT

 **spoiler king:** just say it omg

 **stop growing:** why is mark talking to the fridge

 **stop growing:** this isn’t even his dorm what is he doing

 **dolphin boy:** i’m sorry _what?_

 **stop growing:** he’s stood in front of the fridge asking it to open?????

 **stop growing:** and i have a feeling someone in this group chat will know why

 **dolphin boy:** damn i really miss out on all the weird shit now i’ve moved out

 **jeNO WHY:** we’ve finally succeeded at making him lose his mind huh

 **our nana:** all i’m going to say is that this isn’t my fault

 **renjuwu:** that’s the most suspicious answer i’ve ever seen

 **stop growing:** i just heard him say “maybe the voice control is broken?”

 **jeNO WHY:** ???

 **dolphin boy:** you got a new fridge for the dorm after i left?

 **dolphin boy:** _with voice control?_

 **renjuwu:** no it’s literally the same fridge

 **renjuwu:** mark is apparently just an idiot

 **jeNO WHY:** plus i’m 99% sure fridges with voice control don’t exist yet

 **stop growing:** hmm isn’t it weird how one person is remaining completely silent during this conversation

**stop growing: @spoiler king**

**spoiler king:** mark was in the room i couldn’t just reply to you dsgdgf

 **spoiler king:** he came to check why the fridge wasn’t listening to him  (Smirking Face )

 **our nana:** oh my god he hasn’t figured it out yet?  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **spoiler king:** he still believes us lol

 **spoiler king:** mark lee is a dumb bitch LMAO

 **stop growing:** he’s just walked back into the kitchen to talk to the fridge again

 **stop growing:** he’s so gullible lol

 **jeNO WHY:** wait so who came up with this plan?

 **our nana:** we came up with it together

 **spoiler king:** our evil plan  (Smiling Face With Horns )

 **dolphin boy:** where did renjun go?  (Thinking Face )

 **jeNO WHY:** hey **@renjuwu**

 **stop growing:** oooh if only you guys could see what i’m seeing  (Hot Beverage )

 **dolphin boy:** spill

 **stop growing:** i would but it’ll be funnier if i don’t  (Winking Face )

 **jeNO WHY:** don’t you think it’s a bit mean to pick on mark just because he’s gullible?

 **spoiler king:** not really  (Face With Tears Of Joy )

 **our nana:** he can take it lol

 **hahaha it's mark:** can i?  (Upside-Down Face )

 **spoiler king:** oh shit abort ABORT

_our nana removed hahaha it’s mark from the chat_

**our nana:** i think we got away with it

 **renjuwu:** i showed him the chat  (Winking Face )

 **stop growing:** also i took screenshots

 **stop growing:** i’ll send him them now!  (Winking Face )

 **spoiler king:** rip us

 **our nana:** RENJUN I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME  (Face Screaming In Fear )

 **renjuwu:** you thought wrong

_dolphin boy added hahaha it’s mark to the chat_

**hahaha it’s mark:** hello to everyone except ********* and ******

 **spoiler king:** he censored our names  (Face Screaming In Fear )

 **stop growing:** well it was funny watching all that happen lol

 **dolphin boy:** now i understand why you didn’t spill

 **dolphin boy:** you didn’t want to warn them that mark knew  (Winking Face )

 **stop growing:** i always told you i was smart  (Relieved Face )

 **jeNO WHY:** but you’re not smart

 **stop growing:** i’m smarter than YOU

_stop growing changed jeNO WHY’s nickname to dumb_

**dumb:** I’M NOT DUMB

 **our nana:** but your name _is_ dumb  (Thinking Face )

 **renjuwu:** and we all know you’re dumb lol

_dumb changed their own nickname to I’M NOT DUMB_

**hahaha it’s mark:** you can’t hide from the truth jeno

 **I’M NOT DUMB:** says the person literally talking to the fridge 10 minutes ago

_hahaha it’s mark removed I’M NOT DUMB from the chat_

**spoiler king:** so mark you still like me right?

 **stop growing:** wow you’re so desperate for mark to love you

 **spoiler king:** i wasn’t talking to you, toddler

 **hahaha it’s mark:** you and your dumb sidekick were mean to me  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **our nana:** mark you can’t deny it was hilarious that you believed the fridge had a voice function

 **renjuwu:** “we played a prank on you and we’re expecting you to find it as funny as we did”

 **renjuwu:** that’s what you just said

 **hahaha it’s mark:** thank you renjun for being sensible

 **hahaha it’s mark:** also maknae line, you two did a good job behaving yourselves

 **hahaha it’s mark:** for once

 **stop growing:** excuse you mark lee

 **stop growing:** i am an angel

 **dolphin boy:** jisung you sure about that?  (Tired Face )

 **stop growing:** what happened to you supporting me you SNAKE

 **dolphin boy:** i said i’d defend you from slander, not agree with your bs that you’re “an angel”  (Winking Face )

 **our nana:** jeno says add him back

 **renjuwu:** add him back yourself if you care so much

 **our nana:** but i don’t care lol

 **our nana:** he’s not worth my time  (Relieved Face )

 **spoiler king:** we been knew sis

_hahaha it’s mark changed spoiler king’s nickname to disrespectful_

_hahaha it’s mark changed our nana’s name to sidekick_

**sidekick:** I AM NO ONE’S SIDEKICK

 **renjuwu:** you’re jeno’s sidekick

 **sidekick:** NO I’M NOT

 **stop growing:** ew couldn’t you come up with better nicknames?

 **hahaha it’s mark:** i’m putting you on the naughty list too

 **dolphin boy:** _mark is santa???_

 **renjuwu:** here we go again

_disrespectful added I’M NOT DUMB to the chat_

**disrepectful:** give us better nicknames bitch

 **I’M NOT DUMB:** whomst the fuck

 **renjuwu:** you me you _don’t know_ who “disrespectful” is?  (Upside-Down Face )

 **sidekick:** this is why you’re dumb

 **I’M NOT DUMB:** lol your name nana

 **stop growing:** so he’s smart enough to know nana is his sidekick but not that hyuck is literally always disrespectful

_I’M NOT DUMB cleared all nicknames_

_jeno changed their own nickname to visual prince_

_visual prince changed mark’s nickname to deserves a nap_

_visual prince changed renjun’s nickname to scary_

_visual prince changed donghyuck’s nickname to beyoncé’s fourth child_

_visual prince changed jaemin’s nickname to coffee shamed_

_visual prince changed chenle’s nickname to ex-dormie_

_visual prince changed jisung’s nickname to toddler_

**deserves a nap:** tell that to sm

 **visual prince:** mark when did you last sleep?

 **deserves a nap:** 2011

 **toddler:** rip

 **ex-dormie:** just because i don’t live with you doesn’t mean you have to be mean to me  (Face With Look Of Triumph )

 **scary:** yeah dreamies dorm is basically dead

 **beyoncé’s fourth child:** we still dreamies at heart  (Growing Heart )

 **coffee shamed:** this is the part where mark says yo dream

 **deserves a nap:** i’m not doing it in the group chat

 **toddler:** mark’s no fun

 **visual prince:** finally someone other than me is no fun!!!!

 **coffee shamed:** you’re still the least fun lol

 **visual prince:** and you’re my least favourite  (Winking Face )

 **scary:** you literally talk about jaemin in your sleep

 **ex-dormie:** exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone knows who is roommates with who these days, let me know lol. I'm losing my touch. I know Chenle doesn't dorm with them anymore and I'm pretty sure MarkHyuck are in 127 dorm. Idk why but I think Jungwoo lives in Dream dorm? Please help me.  
> [Stream to support Jaehyun's cheese kink uwu](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj-VU9oK2Yo)  
> [Or I guess check out my Twitter?](https://twitter.com/song0fstarlight)


End file.
